Tuesday, May 12, 2009

IPL 3.0

IPL 2.0 is being termed as a wash out... both literally and figuratively... yeah seriously... what else can you say about (1)the empty stands that never are shown on camera... (2)Lalit Moti trying his level best to socialize with a group of young women... and (3)Shilpa & Shamita Shetty (yeah we figured we keep the worst for the last)...

Having said that IPL's tour of South Africa has been a dismal failure, our consulting organization has taken Lalit Modi into custody (we havent arrested him for any wrong doings with the ladies above or Shahrukh khan for that matter) and given him some great tips about how to go about conducting IPL 3.0

Here are the excerpts of the clandestine document that we plan to forward to Lalit Modi...

1. John Buchanan, Sreesanth & Harbhajan Singh to be promoted from the post of players to cheer leaders. This has been done keeping in mind the impressive "uchal kood" that they have been doing in IPL 2.0

2. With the highly paid big guns (read Kevin Pietersen & Freddy Flintoff) turning into water pistols, we recommend cost cutting measures like VVS Laxman, Wasim Jaffer, Mohd Kaif, Aakash Chopra & Sanjay Bangar to be brought back to IPL 3.0. To counter the slack in speed of scoring we'd hire 2 year olds to bowl to them (and hope that they have a good strike rate... the batsmen we mean)

3. KKR owner Shahrukh Khan to bury hatchet with Bhuvan (Aamir Khan) and have him play for KKR as the opening Batsman and Captain (probably the only one) to try and reverse some fortunes for the team. If everything fails, then KKR owner needs to go back to the drawing board and revise the "Sattar Minute" dialogues (from Chak De India) and pep up the team with them.

4. Rajasthan Royals to rename their team name to Rajasthan Royal Chuckers. Every good performing bowler they seem to bring in seems to be having a problem with the 15 degree bend while bowling. They should bring in Lasith Malinga into the team and see if the jinx continues or not. (Are we the only people who suspect Lasith's action?)

5. Make sure this new government lasts for the entire term by donating generous funds to their "good cause". This will ensure no elections atleast for the next 4-5 years and thereby having the IPL in India in Hot, Sticky and Non-Washout conditions... (The generous funds would flow from BCCI [Sharad Pawar] to Congress/NCP [Sharad Pawar])

6. Try and rename this to something eye-catching and interesting like 'Iyer's Premier League' or 'Iyers Premier League' (See there are two options.. with and without the apostrophe)


On a completely different note, the best thing about IPL 2.0 is the zoozoos campaign.. If you haven't seen any one of the ads on TV... you better catch it on YouTube or some other place... The campaign is simple yet super-fabulous.