Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Gympanzees...

Well Well.. after a long exile of not writing... which in turn would have meant a jolly good time for you guys, we've thought its time for us to get to do what we do the best... torture you guys...

This post is dedicated to our gym where we work out along with a bunch of folks we would like to call panzees. Let us clarify upfront that we are naming them panzees for the sake of spoofing them like chimps and we don't want you to consider them as pansies (which in turn brings in some doubt about us).

Gympanzee Exhibit 1: This guy is the serious Gym Guy. He does some serious weights and some serious cardio tranining that gives us a complex... 7 out of 10 times this guy will be in good shape... the other 3 is reserved for people like us who do some good training even when out of shape. So this guy will work out, sweat out and eventually go out once the exercising is done. Serious business.

Gympanzee Exhibit 2: This guy is the "My Way" guy... He gives a flying fish for the instructor, the dumbells.. hell he gives a super flying fish to the entire exercise routine and you'd find him doing his own set of exercises... This guy never requires a routine card... he's all by himself... you'd find him doing stuff that you see only in.. naah you dont see such wierd stuff anywhere... Some of the "My Way" guys are wierder by which we mean that not only they do stuff their way but also they dont talk to anyone... not even themselves... which is the complete opposite of what is coming next...

Gympanzee Exhibit 3: This guy is the best friend of every woman... no he's not gay... we are talking about the talkative guy... Lets make it very very very talkative guy... The only muscle group that this guy manages to develop are the muscles on his throat... a complete six pack... this guy is trained to do interval training... 5 mins of exercise and 15 mins of hardcore talking followed by 5 mins of exercise... total toned throat muscles we say...

Gympanzee Exhibit 4: Then there is another version of the interval training that you just saw above which applies to Gympanzee Exhibit 4. This guy exercises for 5 mins followed by 15 mins of narcissism which includes looking at all body parts at all possible angles after every single exercise. We bet he'd die if he didn't see the mirror one day of his life.

Did we anywhere mention that we were working out these days? No? That's because we are very shy and introverted.. We've been working out pretty hard for the last couple of months and shedding off some good 5-6 kgs... right after "blossoming" about 10-12 kgs above our normal weight some months back...

adios...

PS: We've used the male gender to depict the gympanzees out here... there are female gympanzees too... and yes, they too show up with similar traits... most of them belong to Exhibit 3....

Monday, June 09, 2008

The Iyer & Lower aspects of Reality Shows...

There are 3 big issues that are looming large on the Indian economy and an Average Indian.

- The First being Inflation and rising prices of everything across the board.
- The Second is the falling stock markets, which are eroding savings and making the above costlier
- The Third (and the most important) is a plethora of reality shows on television channels.

There are a whole lot of people who are working on the first two and trying to reduce the effects by further increasing prices. And we (yes the benevolent WE), take the responsibility of informing you guys (yes both of you) about the third and the most important problem. So lets walk you through them.

So whats with reality shows? We have no clue about how they have come about, just like any other species and are thriving and surviving by killing other species (the intelligent humans like us). There are so many of them that we could rename each button on our remote control with a reality show name and we would need another 1300 buttons on our remote control. Oh yes.. and another bedroom to keep that remote (which as per today's real estate prices would again be unaffordable)... Back to the topic now...

Reality shows are like a bunch of rats... They multiply at a rate that you find it impossible to imagine... We think by the time we lose another couple of kilos (yes we are going public with our weight loss announcement to get some cheap publicity), we'd have about 125 more shows on various themes. Its about time somebody showed these guys a red inverted triangle to stop multiplying and pro-create more of these... And this post is the first dot on that red triangle...

Just like MNS is opposing the movement of Migrants into Mumbai, we would go ahead and aggressively oppose the movement of folks between reality shows. It get so confusing to figure out who's who and where. This movement of guys/gals between reality shows is similar to the IT industry at full steam or a bunch of young monkeys full on adrenaline. All of them make a lot of jumps...

We believe that reality shows endorses and showcases the talents of the judges rather than that of the contestants. It is never about the poor guy's / gal's performance. It has and will continue to be about the unwanted bouts of laughter (Sidhu), unasked for information (javed saab), singing songs on the chants of "Bandh karo bhai!!!" (bappi da & himesh), well orchestrated & staged fights like WWE and lots of other talents that they possess. (If ever there was a reality show on writing... we'd make the best judge given the oodles of talents we have on writing crap)...

And for the contestants... well after having promised of contracts worth crores... all they get to do is to perform on other reality shows... the price which is about crores (thus keeping up the promise). Another reason why reality shows are multiplying like rats...

Did we tell you that the latest currency of India is SMS (which costs in INR). All of this is attributed to the reality shows. We were walking down the road when we spotted a beggar and just when we were about to give him money, we read a notice board above him that read
"Pls donate in SMS Only.
Send BHEEK {Amt} to 12345
Cost of SMS 06 Rs Only.. Conditions Apply".
Looks like this guy already has a dedicated server and a revenue sharing contract against his name.

Yanyways, if you think we have only mentioned the lower aspects of reality shows, let us surprise you by telling you that there are no Iyer aspects to it.. We just had it in the title to give us some publicity... after all we are posting so rarely these days...

PS: The author is now watching 3 reality shows simultaneously to rid him of the depression caused by another 3 reality shows. Please do not mind all that is written above, which got typed in a state of shock and depression