Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Baigan ka bharta...

A A A A B B B B B B B B A A A A A A A A A B B B B B B B

If you are wondering what the above is, it simply means "Long time no C"... old one eh? alright we know its quite some time that we had updated this space... but then thats the trend these days right? Trying to put up as being very busy... everybody does... so are we... trying to look very busy... hence updating after a couple of months...

So why are we posting right now? Only to share a couple of PJ's... attract a couple of comments... another couple of hits... thats about it... alright thats all that we have for now... (already happy eh?)

What did we do for so long? Absolutely nothing... (if work qualifies as nothing, which logically, technically and all other ally it should)... And we went to sasuraal for a week... To Kerala for a week of absolutely nothing (this time we are serious)... Nothing but pure absolute bliss... thats where we discovered the BLISS cycle of SLEEP - EAT - SLEEP, whereas Iyeropatni was busy catching up with our in-laws.

Now our sasuraal is in Gods Own Country of Kerala. We think its about time that we christen the GELF as god's own country as most of folks from Kerala are there and the ones in Kerala are raring to go there, but that again is not the point of the post. Which brings us back to, what was the point of this post? We dont know... And we cant rack our inexistent brains to try and find that out...

Back to Kerala... Lots of things we learnt there...

First and foremost, that the jewellery industry in Kerala is actually owned by a couple of Lukkas (lukka in bambaiyya hindi is like us... total waste)... No seriously... the biggest of the lukkas are called Francis Alukkas, Jose Alukkas, Joy Alukkas et al. Quite a revelation we say... we are waiting for the day when yours truly lukka will become someone....

Second and not so foremost... one doesnt need to go around breaking into and stealing from jewellery stores to make good money... all one has to do is to attend a mallu wedding and hold everyone at ransom... we didnt do it because we would be recognized in the entire hall... even if we were to mask ourself... yah right... our height would give away...

Third is that, to restore the balances of H in this universe, we should get gujjus to marry south indians. Thus a Jignes/Kalpes/Manisa married to Latha/Geetha/Santhosh will make sure that there is a balance of H in this universe. This can also help the first observation by having a couple of Zaveris moving southwards.

Fourth and a mathematical wonder is that "The ages of mallus are divisible by their age and 1 only". Because they are all PRAYAM(prime) NUMBERS... btw PRAYAM = AGE in mallu :)

And lastly, back to the title of this post... we were introduced to newer relatives in our sasuraal as "Iyeropatni's Bharta" (Bharta in Mallu means Husband)... So we decided to confer upon Iyeropatni, the title of Baigan (Brinjal / Eggplant), which makes us "Baigan ka bharta"...

adios...

Friday, August 10, 2007

Directorial Debut...

With Sharukh Khan's latest movie (on the status of Women's hockey in India and how he transforms them into world champions) getting good initial reviews, we are planning to make our directorial debut...

And we are tackling a much bigger problem than Women's Hockey... We are tackling the widespread, nationwide issue of
Black Money (not the moolah raked in by Sanjay Leela Bhansali on the blind, deaf movie) in the Indian economy...

And we are calling it "Cheque De India"


Any one interested in being the producer of this movie... We have the budgets worked out... (We just need to figure the script)


adios...

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Err... Err.. Education...

No No, we werent doing a Shahrukh Khan p-p-p-p-pronunciation of the word Education... What we meant by the title was to talk about err.. err.. Sex Education in India... And simple ways to implement them...

Why are we interested in this topic? Read this article about 9 states banning sex education in India on cultural backgrounds... Hmmm... what do we say... We think it would be unfair of us, if we didnt discuss this in the open, after all we are not the second most populated country in this world solely because of the bugs and the bees story...

So what we suggest is that we implement the Err.. Err.. Education without any knowledge of any authorities. How do we do that? Read ahead for the (not so) brilliant master plan.

Firstly we do not need to print any books for carrying this clandestine operation. We can make do with the existing books.

Secondly we implement this, right in the beginning of our education lifecycle... yes you read it right... right in nursery and jr and sr kg...

Thirdly, since in the first point we didnt print any new books, we use the nursery rhymes as our medium of communication... Yes we can do that... with our plan... we definitely can... and we will... (did we just sound like Suhaib Ilyasi)

If you think our plan wont work or that we are simply out of our minds... read the rhymes and decide for yourself...

We can replace the bugs and bees story with the following

One Two... Whooopeeee Whooopeeee Do
Three Four... Shut The Door
Five Six... Under the sheets
Seven Eight... A long long wait
Nine Ten... Then there's CONCEPTION


Aids awareness can be created by

Row row row your boat gently down the stream...
Wear a life jacket or with death you'll scream...

and

Jack and Jill did an awareness drill...
To fight aids now and after...
Both just passed and saved their arse...
And stayed happily ever after...

Fidelity and Monogamy can be preached thru

Hump(ty) (and dont) Dump(ty) got married and all...
Hump(ty) (and dont) Dump(ty) had a great fall...
Both with multiple partners both women and men...
Lord save them... Lets just pray, AMEN!!!



We think we have lost it... and more importantly we have REALISED it... someone go get a psychologist :)


adios...

Friday, June 01, 2007

Friend Philosopher Guide...

We should admit that this is the first time we actually "experienced" the meaning of the term "Friend Philosopher Guide"... How you'd ask... and we say... read the post...

This post is about Apoo... who plays the title role in this post... How you'd ask... and we say... this guy is a multi-faceted character... We will discuss this... (not in the same order as the title)

Philosopher: Just check this post. Its just awesome... Right next to Socrates...

Friend: This one's got more than a couple of catches...

1. We can count the number of times we have met him on the fingers of our right hand (mind you we are not Hrithik Roshan)

2. The first time we met him, his brain was scarred for life. We believe it still is...

3. The only thing common between him and us are a couple of really close chaddi buddies...


And yet... he was the most wonderful Guide (after Navneet Guide Std I - XII) we have ever met in our life...

1. Showed us around the good places of USA out here...

2. Catered to our whims and fancies and always let us be on the "tourist" mode...

3. And was the most wonderful host we have ever met in the USA

Thanks Man!!! You made our visit here memorable... two days WORTH REMEMBERING...

And we too had given him a good parting gift... Something he can remember for some time to come...
1. A good dosage of cold

2. Power Cut in US of A (can you believe that?)
Will try and get you something good from India next time... We are sure after reading this post, the government here would disallow importing common cold and power outages :)

adios...

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

We Wish...

... English was not such a funny language...



... Expressive and Impressive had been antonyms of each other... just like Extrovert & Introvert... (shuddav been Imtrovert... but what the heck)



Then we wouldn't have minded being slotted in either one... Its better than being in none ;)

adios...

Friday, May 18, 2007

Word – Software – Sleep...

We have been feeling awfully sleepy for the last couple of days… Alright make that weeks. At first we thought it was our body’s defense mechanism to… errr… umm… work. We haven’t done so much work in the past couple of decades. So our body had to react in some way or form. But then that assumption was only half true. It sure was a defense mechanism and it was also for work, but the defense was not because of the work but the TYPE of work…

… That type of work which a lot of people LOATHE… Believe us, especially when you have words like Loathe being typed in this post. That work in other words is called “Documentation”. Documentation, in the words of the great Sri Sri Sri Sri Prof Iyer, is defined as “The proof of work that you create so that others can blame you for creating it when you are long gone from the organization”.

Now that said and done, we think there is some kind of connection between the fingers, eyes and sleep. How else can you explain us feeling sleepy and eyes drowsy at this moment as we are typing this post? But then we wake up… This post is a short story… The official documents are volumes of unwritten Mahabharata… Which we keep creating… And it is not just us… We expect our subordinates to do it for us… And when it’s the time to review… we fall back into the fingers, eyes, sleep circle again.

At the same juncture we get to see ads for various pills that are available for the common man to get rid of his ailments. Frankly speaking, before coming here, we didn’t know that there are so many diseases in our daily routine. Now that we have realized that, we are beginning to feel sick. We didn’t feel anything till we came to know about the existence of such diseases.

Now it doesn’t take Einstien to put two and two together and deduce the fact that Microsoft should start positioning MS Word (software for documenting) as a Sleeping Software. Microsoft is facing too much competition and this surely is one way to get to the common people and have a larger audience. Seriously, they sure will make big bucks. And if they ever do it without paying us our dues, we are going to sue them. They could sell word in different versions… (You may find a pattern there… but they have got nothing to do with cigarettes…)

Word – Ultra Milds – For 5-10 min power naps
Word – Milds – For afternoon naps in office
Word – Lights – For weekend afternoon naps
Word – Classic – Normal 6-8 hours of sleep
Word – Hards – 8-12 hours of sleep
Word – Slumber – For sleeping thru the weekend
Word – Hibernate – For sleeping through a month
Word – Kumbhakaran (Premium) – Do you need explanation?

An ad for it would be a couple of insomniacs (literal married couple) sitting together on their laptops typing their way to glory on “Word – Classic” and then taking their pillows and falling asleep… Waking up to the doodling of the cock… err… rooster… to be politically correct, only to realize that it’s a Sunday and they have woken up early… continue typing on a document… and go back to sleep again…

adios…
PS: We have been typing on Word - Milds for some time now… so tootles

Monday, May 14, 2007

Wanted... Did... Learnt...

Since we couldn't think of what should we write for a post for the past month or so, we decided to go with our own Raam Kahani of what we wanted, what we did for it & what we learnt from it. And, if by any chance, while reading, you listen to any kind of sound, just ignore it... those are fake laughters we added to this post to ensure that atleast somebody has a good laugh on this one :)

Wanted: To Eat Waffles (the ads make it took awesome)
Did: Ate Waffles with some Sweet Strawberry something... er... sauce...
Learnt: Waffles are nothing but 32-64 hollow Shankarpalis(without the sugar) joined together and some sweet sauce filled in those hollows...

Wanted:
To feel like we were in Mumbai
Did: Travelled By Trains and Buses in Chicago
Learnt: Naah... nothing beats Mumbai... The trains and buses here are actually EMPTY... do you believe that? But there are certain railway stations here that resemble Dockyard Road (station high above the road), Kanjurmarg (nothing around the station), Mahalaxmi (station below a bridge) etc etc... But empty trains have higher weightage than railway station look alikes... So Mumbai still rocks...

Wanted:
To see chawls out here in Amrika
Did: Went Down Town
Learnt: All chawls in Amrika are vertically arranged. You have gazillions of chawls here that start from 35 storeys and go all the way till 100 storeys... This place has entirely changed our "orientation" about chawls :)

Wanted: To see Amrika
Did: Came here for a 3 month project
Learnt: However nagging your wife, mom, dad or sis could be, nothing can beat being around them... however annoying they get... So if at all uncle sam wants us again... the deal better be for the entire iyer bunch :)

We are going to meet Apoo to see around DC. So we guess he better learn that he shouldnt be showing the place around to the director of Iyer education if he wants to stick around here... so Apoo... here comes the trouble!!!

adios...

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Hollywood Sequels - Served Iyer Style

Amrika can do strange things to you... It sure has does a lot of strange things to us... First and foremost we stay here alone, so we are half dead now. Given the fact that we were already half dead after having married our better half, we are almost there... to the land of the grim reaper... But then given our reputation for "Good" deeds, we are still alive and we are back from the clutches of death and on our way to sending you there :-) So welcome aboard the Iyer 740 non stop flight to hell...

Other than having made some stupidly tasting food and having the b@!!s in us to eat it too, we also have tried watching some English movies. Its something we rarely do because we are not able to understand any of those movies without subtitles. And since there are no other hindi, marathi, tamil, malayalam channels here, we spend most of our time watching some man/woman speaking about how the world is coming to an end... and it is the right time for us to give everything to god... but god only accepts that through the cash spent on buying products from the shows that follows... The guys dont know that we dont believe in donating money to god by buying nails, irons, hammers, hacksaws and other such likes... We believe in donating money through annadanams, archanas, poojas and so on and so forth. So we are saved by the wrath of god... phew... and so we digress...

Other than that we are not saved by the wrath of sleuth of movies in between advertisements, or probably its the other way round. And though we didnt understand anything in that movie, we liked it. Because everytime we saw a movie (regardless of whether we understood or not) and liked it. We came up with an idea of making an "Iyer" sequel to it.

The reason?

80% of the workforce we have met here are tams... and you still need reason?

90% among those 80% of the tam work force like Rajanikant...

95% of the guys who are among the 90% of the guys who like Rajanikant who are among the 80% of the workforce here believe that his stunts are for real...

85% of the 95%
of the guys who believe that his stunts are for real of the 90% of the guys who like rajanikant who are among the 80% of the workforce here believe that he is GOD...

okay now we have run out of stats... but we pretty much ensure that the above stats are for true... and this area is hot market for tam films... but the tams also like english films... so we cater to both of their needs by having an Iyer sequel to their existing english films... Here's the list... all production houses are requested to select a sequel of their own and let us know... We can work on the script and make sure that the movie is a super hit...

Shanghai Nanbar(Friend) would actually be a good sequel to Shanghai Noon and Shanghai Knights... (Jackie Chan can be given a role provided he can act like a chinese guy)

Harry Potter and Half Blood Thamburaan(prince/king), would be a good subject Mira Nair can take up for her next project, assuming she knows more about thamburaans than anyone around here...

Meet the Vaadyars (priests) is a logical step in the marriage process after the bride's parents have met the groom and the samdhis have also met each other. Vaadyaars are very important from conducting the wedding perspective...

Terminator IV - Uprising of the IT Hoard, would be a life saver. We wouldnt have to see the governor in that movie and we'd get to see real life performances by a lot of these guys here... fresh faces... fresh ideas :)

Pirates of Kanyakumari - The World's End, If you consider India as the world, Kanyakumari is definitely the world's end... kind of sort of... from the south... hmmm... what say?

Star Wars - Episode VII - Revenge of Sitha Maami, should place all of the south indians on the galaxy too... why should we be the only ones left out on inter-galactical themes... and we will support Sitha Maami on her next pod race championship... go maami go :)

Thats about it for this post... We already have overshot the number of sequels that you guys can bear with... that is "not a single"...

adios...

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

2 I-Years and almost alive...

Somehow this title seems to have a lot of meaning to us. Now we are two Iyers (Mr & Mrs) and it is 2 I-years ever since we have started blogging. And today is way way way way way belated past the 2nd budday of this blog.

The Comic Project's post on his completion of 2 yrs reminded us that we also have gone through two years of blogging in the blogosphere (now we assume that most of you are at The Comic Project... its a kick ass blog if you havent visited it by now... )

We havent been able to blog frequently for the past 6 months or so primarily because we have work to do, which we incidentally didnt have in the past 1.5 years. But look at the brighter side, we not blogging is a great service to humanity and the Iyer community is breathing a sigh of relief of someone from their own community is not making fun of them anymore... But the fact is that we have run out of ideas... and the new source of ideas, our wife, wont co-author this blog... She says, she's been already outcasted by the mallus... now she doesnt want the rest of the world to do the same... and we (silently as always)agree...

And the blog is almost alive with a few random posts here and there... very similar to our situation out here in amrika... just about alive... that too because we are confident that we will survive after eating whatever we have just cooked... if we didnt have that confidence, we'd be history by now...

So... though this blog looks like it is in Coma, we will try and update it a little more often and you can keep finding newer ways of not reading it... so there... the equation looks balanced now...

Happy Budday Bloggie... We will celebrate this with some home made wine (yup thats how rasam made by us out here tastes)...

adios...

PS: There are so many tams out here in this place that if you add another 100, then amrika would have to change its national language to Tamil... and we are looking forward to it... cmon you 100 guys, start applying for your VISA... we want to change the national language of this place before we leave ;)

Saturday, March 31, 2007

FIM Moments on GTalk...

Being in amrika may lead to a whole new set of inventions that one thought were never possible. It has its own set of disadvantages like not being with family being the most important. But it has its own aspects of fun also. We discovered that aspect on saturday while we were talking to our family over GTalk.

The fun aspect was the fact that we did underestimate our parents ability to handle the computer and especially something as complicated as GTalk. Yes when you talk about handling something like GTalk to people around the age of 60, working at government organizations in India, it is quite complicated. Especially when one's forte does not go beyond adding songs to winamp or playing bridge online.

That is when we recognized that we did take ourself too much for granted... Assuming that we knew everything... and that our parents didnt know some of those stuff... And in those moments you come across FIM (Foot In Mouth) syndrome... We did come across such moments on saturday and here are excerpts of them...

With Appa(Dad)
Appa: he comes all the way from ambernath
me
: OMG

me
: OMG = Oh My God

Appa
: I know this simple abevations I am ur dad

me
: i am sorry...
i forgot that part

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

me: brb..
Appa
: what u r using brb not international abbrevation

me
: brb = be right back

it is an international abbreviation

so finally i know something my dad doesnt know

Appa
: u know iam international bridge player

me
: yes partner


With Amma (MOM)
Amma: are you going to visit the white house and disneyland
me
: dont know about disneyland
washington ka plans to hai
Amma
: if so please take the snaps
me
: dekhte hai kya hota hai
Amma
: lol
Amma
: do you know what is lol
me
: yeah
laughed out loudly
and how did you know about it
Amma
: you thr have taken to much for granted

We have rocking folks in their 60's who are more tech savy than we are... Love you guys :)

adios...


PS: We have purposely edited the part where they give us loads of gaali galoch, which forms a part of our regular conversation, just to maintain a good image on the blog... Oh and this part is pure unadulterated and unedited...

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Amrika... the land of...

Opportunities? Naah thats cliched...

It is the land of experiments... yup.... it sure is... atleast for an iyer like us...

Oh wait... let me also add Apoo and his experiments with Salmon Kebabs...

Yup... We are talking about experiments of the culinary types...

Now for most of the tams around here (which are more in number than the hot women we discovered here), we thinks the strategy is simple... go to india for around a month... get married and then have a great cook... and the lady has a ready to use chaffeur...

But ours is a different case... we gots married in India... and we are celebrating out honeymoon out here in amrika... ALL ALONE... so there's no one to cook for us... and neither do you find matunga types market around here where you go to this vendor and he starts packing all the vegetables required to make tasty avial... forget avial, we dont even find proper thair saadam (
curd rice) with pickles... which makes our life all the more disastrous... can you imagine the life of an iyer without thair saadam... sense, your curse is now making sense (you sure have a great career in astrology and crystal ball reading and likes)

So what do we do... we just follow the footsteps of an ABCD movie... and end up with something to eat that is something altogether new and unique and wonderful (take our word on that one)... and these experiments are working in our favour till now. We had carried some spices from back home... but that wouldnt suffice... so we go out shopping, which was a terrible experience (we were the ONLY ones walking on the road with the groceries... made us look like the lone ranger... albeit without the horse... talking about which, do beggars drive out here?)

And now, we start our experiments... sambar/rasam made out of italian salad dressing(along with sambar powder too)... with india going global in industries, we cant stay behind with our culinaries... and yes a sambar and rasam with the above ingredient tastes really good... and yes we are alive after consuming that... so its worth a try... and we guarantee that its definitely not fatal...

Then we make breads and omlettes (eggs, we say is a gray area for iyers... we want to believe that egg is vegetarian so that we can consume it... but these non-veggies are trying their level best to get it to the dark non-veg area). Now since we didnt get the normal loaves of bread but a huge pole of bread (alright, the loaved ones were costly), it is very difficult to consume it the normal way. So what do we do... we add the breads to the pan, then add the eggs and then the italian salad dressing (again... it sure comes in handy) and we have something like a bread-egg-upma... bromlette in english... and we havent seen the doctor ever since we have consumed it... so you can try it out yourself...

And, our brains have started to tingle and we started to see an opportunity to improvise on almost everything... we just hope we are going to make some form of avial without any of the original ingredients but end up making tasty avial out of plain and simple "italian salad dressing"... and we'd start dishing out dish after dish after dish until we get an award for "global integrity"...

And by that time, we'd be back in india eating great south indian food made by our amma...

tab tak ke liye... we already have a white apron... to EXPERIMENT around...

adios...

Monday, March 19, 2007

Uncle Sam...

All of this stuff happened in a hurry and we are here at Uncle Sam's for some project work... We'd stick around here for another 3 months... So we are yet another member of the TAM-BRAM community to have visited this place... its quite normal for us Iyers to come to this place... but we dont want to stick around too much...
 
Couple of things in this land that we need to look out for... firstly when people say that this place is warm... DO NOT go by their words... it is warm here by Uncle Sam standards... by Indian standards, this place is close to delhi in winters... so always carry your woolens along with you...
 
There is no ground floor out here... the ground floor = first floor and first floor = second floor and so on and so forth... no wonder we were frightened when we were told that our apartment was on the third floor when the building itslef had two floors... you make the calculations...
 
And lastly... just like you dont find elephants and mangoes scattered in every nook and corner of India, you wont find bikini babes scattered around uncle sam's land... that is a total misnomer... and reality struck us when we found more number of "vibhooti" applied tams than bikini babes around this place... so if you are comin to uncle sam with that idea in mind... DROP IT... RIGHT AWAY... coz you'd only find our relatives in huge numbers around here...
 
thats it for now... work calls... and we take your leave... (okay you can keep applauding for that one)
 
adios...

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Onion...

Work life is taking a toll on any and everything around in our life. Blogging to say the least. And if you think we could blog from home (it is more fun when you are sneaking on blogs and writing blogs at workplace), we have 3.5 hour power cuts on a daily basis in this part of the world, so even thats ruled out.


And the kind of work that we have, it just allows us enough time to click on the "Mark All as Read" link on
Google Reader. Other than that life is great and is just about rocking (the boat).



And yes we are at the end of this post... too good to believe huh?... with a typical (read pakaoo) PJ...



ONION to the bongs is a much acclaimed tamil movie where Vikram plays a character with multiple personality disorder...



adios...

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Modern Day Curses...

"You will forget your all that you have learnt when you most need it" (Karna)

"You will die of the greivance of being away from your son" (Dasharatha)

"You will die in the next seven days after being bitten by the Takshaka Snake" (Parikshit)

"You will die at the attempt of consummation" (Pandu)

"You will be turned into a stone and will regain your normal form only after being touched by the holy feet of the form of Vishnu" (Ahalya)

"You will be born as a human being for the crime that you have committed" (Bhishma)


... are all examples of famous curses received by famous people as per our Hindu Mythology.

Curses were part and parcel of our Hindu Mythology and they were an interesting part in our epics and related stories. A curse in the epic was like a drama that is created just before the interval in a movie and the redemption from that curse would be like the climax of the movie. In essesnce, curses added color and variety and lot of other adjectives to the story.

As per Iyer Education's research finding, it is the lack of curse's in today's life is what is making life so dull (lets just assume that our lives are dull here) and taking life to the dogs... And by curse we are not talking about the daily curses that we receive from our mothers, fathers, wives, husbands et al. Those are just uttered... they arent MEANT... By curse we mean the formal types of curses that sadhus and rishis used to utter out with a palmful of water... Had those been there in today's life, we would be having a great and colorful life...

Now that we have said that curse's dont exist today, partially because we dont have qualified cursors (not the ones that blink on your screen) and secondly people wont even believe when they are cursed... given the kind of thoughts that people are moving away from traditional to more modern and technically advanced thoughts... So we wonder how curses would have evolved with time had they still been existing today... And we do that with situations where these sages could curse people... So here's a probable list of curse's you'd get to hear if curses did exist today.

Sage: I curse you that you... er.. er..
Offender: Any problems?
S: Er... What is your profession?
O: *proudly* Software Engineer
S: I curse you that your project will always to have scope creeps and it'd never get past the UAT stage... *sprinkles water using barber wala sprinkler*

S: What is your name?
O: Dr Dinanath Dhurandhar Dabbawaala...
S: *he he no need to ask profession at all*
S: I curse you that there would be a cemetry right next to your dispensary you will function as its ancillary unit... *sprinkles water with the Dr's syringe*

O: I am an accountant
S: I curse that your P&L and Balance sheet will never tally in any financial year and the auditor wont spare you... and your dream to become a CA will always remain a dream... *sprinkles water using fountain pen*

O: I am an MBA
S: I curse that you will forget all the jargons that you learnt at Wharton whenever you need them the most... *sprinkles water using hand shower*

O: College Student...
S: I curse that you will attend all the lectures and get an award for the student with the most attendance *sprinkles water from water cooler*

O:
Blogger
S: I curse that your comments section will always be empty and that you'd suffer from a block whenever you'd want to write something *sprinkles some e-H2O"

O: Westerner
S: I curse that you wont see mangoes and elephants in india *throws a piece of tissue paper* (those guys dont use water in anycase)

... alright alright... this list has come to an end.... let us type the magic word you've been dying to read...

adios...

Friday, February 16, 2007

Ctrl + C --- Ctrl + V

Yay... we are getting famous... or thats what it suggests... Let me take this opportunity to welcome someone, whose been "Ctrl+C 'ing" & "Ctrl + V'ing" a couple of our posts... Please find them here and here... And the original links are here and here (respectively)... What do we say... all signs of prosperity :)

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Iyerize...

As we is writing this now, the wedding and the honeymoon is all over. Over as in Khatam ho gaya and not OVER OVER... and as usual there is a marriage that follows every wedding. And we is into that marriage just about a day now... not too much experience we say... but we are already on to it now and we are blogging about it... so we guess it must be quite interesting. If any married kapils want to throw some light on this one are most welcome to use the comments section :)

Firstly, we need to say something very peculiar about the wedding. Our garland in the wedding was just one inch shorter than our height. It looked like the garlands were made for some giant bakasuras or hidimbas or even south indian superstars and were used on us little mortals. This made the garlands sweep the ground every time we bent our neck to get aashirwaad. It was kind of funny as we had always thought that garlands were like neck ties... and not like night gowns :)

Secondly, we were told that the reception was quite well done. The place, ambience, decor and food were all awesome. Good we say. And we credit all of this to Iyeropatni. Why? Because she was the one who decided on all of it. And we substantiate it with the fact that Iyeropatni has good taste? Just look at her choice of hubby... oh alright... that is just what is called as the converse to the theorem... or exception to the rule to all the failures in geometry (including yours truly)...

now coming to the topic of this post... Iyerize...

Though Iyerize phoenetically sounds like High Rise it has nothing to do with tall buildings. Iyerize is the process that we have to follow to change a lot of habits of our wife from being mallu into being an Iyer, that she is right now. So we make this post as a "To Do List" to Iyerize Iyeropatni into being a full fledged Iyer. Now when we say "full fledged iyer" it means any normal iyer and all species that are like yours truly are automatically sifted out of the equation. (We are already outcasted and disowned by the iyers once we have started blogging). So here we make a list of all things/habits that we would change in Iyeropatni to make her into an Iyer. Please note that some of these habits are outdated and outmoded, but we still would like to instill those values in her.

1. Curd Rice Addict - We have to make sure that Iyeropatni is a Curd Rice addict. By that we mean that she has to have daily dose of thair saadam(curd rice) with pickle to make her day. Absence of it on any given day should make her do wierd things like saying good things about us, setting up a romantic candle lit dinner for the both of us and all other wierd mushy things. We really dont want to get her into doing all the above stuff, hence we want to make sure that she gets her daily share of curd rice and pickle. (Given her existing liking for curd rice, it wont be too difficult a task)...

2. Match Making Maami - This is something we have to be working really hard upon. Given her anti gossiping and being straight on the face nature, this task is really uphill and would take a lot of effort for us to train Iyeropatni to attend functions and talk to other Iyer maamis with elan about match making the "eligible" iyer ladkis with "eligible" iyer ladkas (preferably settled in the US)... We would suggest processess such as shadowing, reverse shadowing and the other likes to make sure that she picks this up quite quickly and rarely makes any mistakes with them... And if you think it is too early for her to do all of this, do remember that maria sharapova picket up the tennis racket at the age of 3 and went on to win the wimbledon at 18...

3. Sound of Carnatic Music: It is very difficult to train the ears to listen to Chambai Vaidyanaatha Bhaagavathar and MS Subbalakshmi when the ears are conditioned to listen to Dr Zeus, Rouge, Nelly Furtardo... You get the drift right? Yup this is the next task to do by making her listen to all forms of carnatic music. For that we'd probably start with remixing " Kangna" with "Krishna nee begane"... or something on those lines and then slowly move on to the hard core carnatic music ones that is so essential for being an Iyer maami... and just in case she's too much interested she may join the thyagaraja keerthanams singing at Thiruvaiyar and we can go there for our annual holidays...

We think these three are enough for us to last for this year. Next year we may prolly come up with another three. The reason we dont come up with all the 30 to do lists is that we have to take things slowly... one at a time... and more importantly we dont know what else to write :(

will let you guys know if we are able to iyerize iyeropatni... and to what extent...

adios
PS:There is quite a good possibility that Iyeropatni would have made a similar list to Nairize us... so do not fret if you find us speaking stuff like zimbly... aundy... sqwayar... tyondy... and go yada yada about the advantages of coconut water...


Thursday, January 18, 2007

On the cards...

When...

Thou begin to find all the women more attractive (Erstwhile women fall into two categories. 1. The good ones & 2 The Better ones... Now every woman falls in Category 2) and even more attractive... and even more attractive...


Thou begin to clean up shelves in your house (and throw out all the collection of your favorite playmates) just to make a little more space...


Thou stop watching 'Bikini Destinations' and 'Wild On' at nights (not intentionally... but because of the deadly nightmares that neither allow you to sleep nor stay awake)


Thou look outside the window and everything seems so gloomy... (or is it the winters thats settling down)


Thou think hard about posts and more posts and nothing comes to your mind (as empty as it could be)...


Thou keep imagining a pack of cards and the only card that comes to your mind is the "Jack" (also fondly termed as Ghulam in Hindi)...


Then thou are going to be married in the next week...

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

New I-year Foresights...

They say mortals make new year resolutions and then go into the year only to break them or not stick to them. But as you all might be knowing, we are NOT ordinary mortals. Hence new iyear resolution is not just our cup of cappuchino or even latte for that matter. We have foresights. No! No! No! we dont see four of everything... the alcohol effect has warded off long before we began to write this post... foresight actually means looking into the future... And we look a year into the future and tell you whats in store for us/you/all...

Firstly and foremostly, we think we'd have to spend the entire of next year watching highlights of cricket matches that India have won. These highlights would be wonderfully named as "India Glorious" or "India Victorious" thus, constantly giving us the feeling that India is still winning (though in eastman color... 1980's and the world cup). This is because, we really dont think it is possible for us to keep watching live cricket and India being beaten inside out on every possible occasion. We sincerely dont need any of that.

Secondly, and not so foremostly, we foresee ourselves being subject to a lot of HR terminologies like Job Enrichment, Job Enlargement, Job dis-Satisfaction and so on and so forth. No we actually mean it. We are getting married, and for men, marriage brings along H(e)R terminologies. All of the above huge terms mean just one simple thing... We are supposed to take our minds out of mundane activities like gaming(computer), hanging around at paanwaala tapris, visiting restaurants in chaddis and baniyans (hmph) and concentrate on important activities like dish washing, room cleaning, cooking... Blogging isnt even considered here...

Thirdly (lets just cut the foremostly crap out) we are going to go through a real life "BIG BOSS" episode in our house. And there are no yellowie points for guessing who that is... Iyeropatni... All along it was smooth sailing for us coming back to a place where Iyeropatni isnt there and making loads of majja masti... but this year onwards..."Big Boss is Watching"... and we even fear going into the dreadful room where big boss speaks in 3D dolby digital surround sound... and saying sorry about 1678923 times and doing uthak baithaks for approximately similar numbers...

Lastly we thinks Iyeropatni would join us in blogging (and join you guys in bashing us up... she just loves it)... We'd probably rename the blog to Mr & Mrs Iyer Education (we likes that)... and come up with posts that are absolutely, incredibly, amazingly, beautifully, fantastically, faboulously rocking thus becoming the number one Iyer Jodi on the blog... .if thats taken then we'd go for the No 1 Iyer Jodi from Navi Mumbai on the blog.... and even if thats gone then we'd go for No 1 Iyer Jodi from Navi Mumbai from Road No So and So , Bldg No so and so, Flat No so and so... on the blog.. that nobody can take it...

** Alright we made the last point up to just fill in some empty space.. Iyeropatni would rather defenestrate us than joining as co-authors of this blog... wow... we just used an amazing word... defenestrate... and we are proud of ourselves... alap... here we come...

adios...