Monday, November 27, 2006

IQ...

After this short story, we are planning to change the full form of IQ from Intelligence Quotient to Iyer Quotient... Why? Read ahead...
 
The prez of US of A decided to find out how intelligent were his intelligence agencies. And the best method according to him was to pit them against the best in a game of chess (strategy is the key there). So he invited the best grandmaster, Vishwanathan Anand to play against 4 of his best intelligence agents.
 
The four of them refused to take on this particular champ, on the excuse that their powers combined were nothing against the brains of the grandmaster. Only after the promise that Anand would use his weaker left hand did they agree to play with him. And surprises of surprises... They LOST...
 
None of them, including the prez, could imagine the best agents losing to Anand that too with his left hand. This matter had to be resolved. And it finally did, after 684 pages of an enquiry report by the top notch intelligence agencies, it was brought to the notice of the prez that Anand fooled them upfront... and hid the fact from them that he was LEFT HANDED...
 
Now prez is ready for the second round... and he's pitted another 4 against Anand... this time playing with his "weaker" right hand... Prez definitely has a great research and intelligence team... just that they dont have any IQ (Intelligence Quotient) but they do rank very high with their other IQ (Iyer Quotient)...
 
adios...

Friday, November 24, 2006

Some Changes

There are some changes that you would find at Iyerospace.

First, the good news. No more would you find long posts on Iyerospace. We are completely spaced out for the moment. Blame it on our work or on our upcoming marriage (your choice).

Instead you'd find shorties (we'd say this adjective is an exemplification of our good selves... so it suits our height... er... style) of daily humourous happenings in our life. That we suppose will be very far and few, taking into consideration the sad lives we continue to live on a daily basis.

Other than that, we'd still try and blog (given the sadist personality we possess and our penchant to bother our readers with crap).

Here comes the shorty of the day (excluding yours truly)

Central Railways (CR) has come up with a new money earning idea. This idea is going to earn them a lot of money through penalty collections. They are doing this by having hunks... read it again... hunks aka good looking guys as TC's (Ticket Collectors)... We have seen them at CST stations... And all the ladiejj we were eyeing upon, were in turn eyeing upon those hunk TC's. We are definitely sure that more and more women would travel without ticket just to get caught by these good looking guys thus filling up the coffers of CR. Great Idea CR... Kudos...

Now we are waiting for a day when CR would have Sameera Reddy and Udita Goswami as TC's on Vashi Stn. Actually looking at the way they are getting to work in films, we dont think its going to take very long.

adios...

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

I(yer)sland...

It has been a long time since we have updated this blog with any piece of so called crap. Now we know that, that in turn is great news for you guys. But we are the worlds lesser known sadists and our closest pals would tell us how we like to make people sad and then make them make all sorts of faces by chewing their heads off. So living upto our true potential we come up with yet another piece of beautiful (read crappy) post for you and you only. (If anyone is still reading this)


Let us first tell you that we are sick and tired of working for someone. That is so unlike IYERS. Most of the Iyers love to work. They love to manage. But most of them won’t take risks by venturing into business. But we do not belong to the traditional Iyer mould and we are planning to start a business. And that is what we are going to showcase in this post… OUR BUSINESS PLAN.

Firstly, upfront, let us break this particular news to you, just in case you missed out this portion of news on BBC, CNN, Aaj Tak, Star News, Sahara Samay, Vaarthaigal, Baatmya and lot of other regional, local and global news channels and news papers. “We have procured an island”. Yup read it again, We have brought an Island and it is on this Island that our business is going to be based out of… Head Quarters, Branches, Corporate Office all of them would be operated from this single island.

For your convenience, we have a snapshot of the Island taken from powerful satellite cameras. Here is a snapshot of the island with a 12X zoom from the earth. Naturally it would look smaller from that far. The location is still to be figured out in understandable terms but for now you can use 112 Lat and 221 Longitude for understanding

Now can you stop admiring the island and come back to the business from out of this island. We are going to have a theme entertainment park on this island. And the theme, without any doubts would be “Iyer”. Surprisingly, this dream destination park will be called “Iyersland”. And the rides on this park will be through donations from the well to do Iyers.

The donation part we say, we have cashed in on the report that says that Iyers are bored of giving donations to temples for building gold gopurams and silver plating the idols and all. They wanted a much more lucrative investment than the current ones that only sends them prasadam packets back home once or twice a year. And this definitely is one helluva lucrative investment we say. And we have also devised one way to laud their generosity and that would be to name the rides after them.

Ranga Rollercoaster – This one’s courtesy of Ranganathan From Reay Road (happy memories for Bird from Reay road… not sure about the ranga part though). The rollercoaster is so designed that it gives you the feeling of traveling in the hilly regions of Konkan Railways (en route Kerala). Hop up and have the time of your life. Specially recommended for people who haven’t had the chance of traveling by Konkan Rail in their lives.

Giri Giant Wheel – This one’s from Sheshagiri or fondly called as Giri mama from Goregaon. This mama has a chain of Iyer stores in his own name. Any southie would know about that popular chain of stores. Diversification of his portfolio has brought him into investing in this ride. And why this particular ride? Because Giri mama has been already taking people for a ride with is chain of stores. And this is just an extension to it.

Dorai Dome – Ths iD dome’s courtesy of Doraiswamy from Dombivili. Yup its not 3D or 4D… its iD. Where i could be any imaginary number that you can think of after sitting in this dome. The i also stands for Iyer, the original clan for which this dome was designed. We’d screen only tamil mythological movies in this dome where the heroes use atleast a quintal of lipstick to look like gods and demi gods. Who wouldn’t pay to watch these movies we say?

Muthulakshmi Merry Go Round – Muthulakshmi maami from Mulund whose world famous in mulund for making round murukkus (chakli in hindi/marathi) has sponsored this ride. She is so attached to things that go round (just like the murukku) that she upfront decided to go ahead and sponsor this ride for the park. We have taken extra care to ensure that the periphery of this ride is similar to the murukkus that this maami makes.

Ananthalakshmi Aqua Dash – Ananthalakshmi maami from Andheri who is famous for making watery appams has sponsored this water ride. The ride that is more slippery than any of the appams this maami has ever made. Should be fun given the background of this maami and her penchant for slippery issues.

For now these are the rides that you will have to do with. And like all growing entertainment parks, we are going to slowly and steadily develop into a full fledged themed-entertainment-park, giving kishkintha and esselworld a run for their money. For now we are not planning to have any food stalls, but we would definitely provide plaintain leaves (free of cost) to the customers to have the food that they have got in their 5 foot long tiffin boxes. Water would be freely available in any and every of the small pools in the park where the customers can take bath along with a dip for their buffaloes, cows, pigs et al if they have them as their pets.

Rest all details will be worked out soon.

adios…

PS1: We are still collecting funds for the park. So all forms of donations/sponsorships are welcome. But please stick to cash only. Rides will be named appropriately.

PS2: The above pic of the allegedly island is our new nameplate for the new house. We know most of you guys have got this. This is only for the help of some “TUBE LIGHTS”

Friday, November 03, 2006

Relationships and Physics…

Read it again you dirty minds, it is not relationships and physical. It is relationships and physics (the subject). After going through a spate of articles on relationships on various newspapers we have come to the conclusions that the guys who write such articles must have had Physics as their area of specialization in their college days. And this is not any one of the tukkas that we often make at Iyer Education. This is thorough research material that we created during out short hibernation period of about a week.

If you look at these articles the most frequently used words in these articles are “Space” and “Time”. And article after article you find these guys re-iterating the importance of space and time in a relationship. Who else can make such great statements about such important physics related concepts other than people who have studied physics in college? We are also very sure that they have deliberately left out discussing the importance of Mass in a relationship by taking into consideration the sentiments of rotund individuals like us (we are very grateful to them). Now we are digressing. Now we come back to the point.

At first we thought these articles were very helpful and would go a long way in nurturing a relationship. And we followed them. And look what has happened. We strongly recommend you not to go through such articles and even if you do take it with a quintal of salt (you won’t be able to take it at all). We narrate you a set of incidents in our own personal life and our reactions to them Before Reading and After Reading such articles. The two parameters are space and time. And the “mukhya kalakaar” of this would be (your highness) “Iyerospace (IS)” and “Iyeropatni(IP)

Before Reading

(In BEST bus)

IP: IS, I think I need some space…
IS: Oh sorry, I am so fat I have actually used up your part of the seat too… there… (shifts)
IP: Ohhh shitttt… You are just terrible…
IS: Ehh… Sorry… you still need more space?

(On the road)

IP: I think I need some time…
IS: What a terrible day… You asking me this the day I forgot to wear my watch…
IP: Shut up wise guy… Don’t act too smart…
IS: Eh… what can I do… I am like that only…
IP: Oh shit… just shut up man…

After Reading

(In BEST bus)

IP: IS, I think I need some space… (This time she needed the seat)
IS: Don’t worry. I have taken a place in New Mumbai… Very far from here…
IP: Very smart… Now move your fat butt away from my area of the seat…
IS: No seriously… And that way we’ll meet just once a week… Good for you…
IP: Stop cracking wise cracks… and move… will you?
IS: Saala koi ijjat nahi hai kya mera? Chal bhag…

(On the Road)

IP: I think I need some time…
IS: Don’t you worry… I am working American timings nowadays… 1-10…
IP: Kyun dimaag khaata hai… Just tell me what time is it? I’m getting late…
IS: Sacchi yaar… now I wont bug you with all those calls… You’ll get a lot of time
IP: There’s the train… now shall we go… you are just unbearable…
IS: Alright… what the hell yaar… no value only…

And look what has happened after we began to follow it. We got ENGAGED to Iyeropatni. Can you believe that? That is like being served a 7 year rigorous punishment for being a good guy (the life imprisonment has been reserved for marriage).

And now we think to ourselves. Physics was never our cup of tea (or filter kaapi). That is why we just got enough marks to scrape through into a commerce college. We should have known that. We should have understood that. But these articles, they just have got in half baked physics into our brains (they have left the mass out right?). Now we are working on draining all the physics out of our brains. And at the same time we are also preparing ourselves for rigorous life imprisonment. Need your well wishes (and some gray haired receivers to receive us from the jail after 14 years… a la bollywood film). “Central Jail” here we come… Damn you column writers…

adios…

PS: All of the incidents narrated above are fictional. They have just been created to fill up some empty space on this blog. We didn’t want to add the PS part here, but Iyeropatni is standing with a gun on my head right behind me… So… Bhavnaaon ko samjho yaar