Monday, July 31, 2006

Mumbai & Navi Mumbai…

It's almost a month now that we have shifted to Navi Mumbai. Most people laugh at the idea of moving in from a posh locality in Mumbai to a more, lets call it "under developed" Navi Mumbai. Yes there were people of those sorts. And there are people (like our well wishers) who are always happy for whatever we do in life and we'd be always grateful to them. So we thought and decided to make a post differentiating between the two of them trying to bring out the differences that we have been observing for the last one month or so. Please note that the points stated herein are personal in nature and reflect only our thoughts on the above said topics.


Particulars

Mumbai

Navi Mumbai

Status

We believe that Mumbai is up to its brim and getting overcrowded by the hour. Lets say that it's satiated now.

Navi Mumbai is just about making its presence felt and there are people flocking there. So there is some more time for it to be satiated.

Convenience

If you take the traffic part aside, we'd believe that Mumbai is the most convenient place to stay today and you are connected to every place by virtually every mode of transport. Buses, trains, autos, taxis all available in galore. Shopping options for women are close to Infinity (not the mall). Movie theatres galore. The equation is 1 movie and 20 screens in just one area.

Trafffic for now is not too heavy, so to speak. The transport infrastructure of Navi Mumbai is yet to develop. NMMT is nowhere close to BEST when it comes to its services. Taxis are almost inexistent. Autos have a higher fare than its counterpart in Mumbai. Currently has only one over-crowded mall and just a couple of theatres. So the options are pretty much limited

Planning

Virtually inexistent. We believe that things were done at the spur of the moment. Shops and parking lots coming out of nowhere and same goes for buildings et al. Just walk outside any railway station during peak hours in Mumbai and you'll come to know how messed up things are.

Looks like Navi Mumbai has learnt something from Mumbai. Plots are properly allotted. Ample spaces for parking allowed. Yes there are places that are virtually jammed, but they are too far and few in number. And most importantly the scene outside any station is very orderly. Trust us on that.

Security

Things look very secure in Mumbai. Come back from office at 1:00 in the night and you'd still find hustle bustle going around. These are evident signs of how secure this place is.

Land up at any place post 10:30 PM and it will look as deserted as anything that you have seen. There are virtually no people you'd see post 10 – 10:30 PM. So we'd say its not too secure as compared to Mumbai.

Availability

In Mumbai, any place closer to a railway station is always preferred. And such places aren't available readily and if they are, then a premium is charged for such places. Sometimes it becomes unaffordable to get a decent place near a railway station

There are a lot of projects that are being currently developed and proposed that are supposedly to be in and around the railway station. And the prices are comparatively okay. And they are expected to fall as the real estate market is on an all time high nowadays.

Crowd

The crowd would classify into lets say a good mix of class and mass and the ratio depends upon locality to locality.

Most of the crowd in and around this place is the mass crowd. Now that we are here, we'd add the "class" part here too. Just kiddin…

Investment in Estate

With the metro project given a kick-off, all those areas that are covered by the metro are very favorable for investment and they are meant to give you great returns both in the short and the long run.

This being an alternative to Mumbai, the returns on investment in this area would be good only in the long term. Good short term benefits are too far and few.

You'd be here if?

You seek luxurious and comfortable lifestyles with all the amenities available at a stone throw away. And you can bear the peak time traffic.

You seek a quiet and peaceful life, at least for the next couple of years. If you like to be surrounded by hills and all, please do have a look at this place. It rocks.

What we think?

We have spent a major part of our life in Mumbai. So no one can take Mumbai out of our heart. It plain and simply rocks.

It is the beginning of a new affair for us. The first month or so has been good. We would like to build upon this good beginning.


So there… our rational and un biasedviewpoints on Mumbai and Navi Mumbai. We shifted to Navi Mumbai because we had 4 chochlas (whims you can call it in English)


  1. Staying with parents, even after marriage (most important)
  2. Buy a bigger apartment than the existing one
  3. Buy something closer to the station
  4. Tax saving via housing loan repayment

And thankfully we see each of the above four (except point 1… for now) coming true and we are enjoying every bit of staying here. Its all a matter of convenience for us.

adios…

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Saudi Jokes…

Did we just say SAUDI jokes… oops sorry… no offence meant to our blogger friend KJ. We meant SOUTHIE jokes in mallu accent… So here is a set of our homemade PJ's. Sit back and yenjoyyyy

 

 

Q How many tams does it take to change a light bulb?

A  2 – One to change and the other to fold the falling mundu (dhoti)

 

 

Q How many mallus does it take to change a light bulb?

A 1 – Only if the light bulb is perched on a tall coconut tree.

 

 

Q What would you call Superman if it were made in Tamil?

A  Superamaniam (Subramaniam)

 

 

Q What would Lola Kutty call her kid?

A  Pillai (Kutti & Pilla)

 

 

Q Why was the mallu fabricator (in kerala) the happiest in Jun – 06?

A  Coz all the mallus were discussing about WELD CUP (world cup)…

 

 

Did you know about the guy who put a matrimonial ad asking for a mellow woman. He spelt mellow wrongly in the advertisement and today he is suffering with a mallew (antonym) woman.

 

 

A tam confession… "At my birth, my father predicted that I could never do anything right in my life. Hence he named me Wronganathan (Ranganathan). I think he was/is right"

 

 

Continuing from above, we think, Wronganathan must be a mixture of Bongs and Tams (Bongs would prononce Ranga as Wronga)… Similarly DeboNair must be a mix of Bongs and Mallus… what say?

 

Total khapaooo mode we are in right now. So we will leave you at that.

 

adios

Friday, July 21, 2006

Guest Posts...

Sometime back we saw this concept of "Guest Posts" or whatever they call it, you know the ones where some other person other than the blogger makes a post for the blogger and then the blogger posts them on their blogs as "Guest Posts" giving all the credit to the one who wrote the post. Get it... You see we have to confirm this because we are very bad at explanation, and this is like the base on which the rest of the post is built. If you havent got it as yet, then either quit reading or kill us. I can see a lot of people taking Option 2, so you have only one option. Quit Reading... NOW

The ones who have understood it, must be reading this at this point in time. So we approached a couple of people for guest blogging for us. The catch here was that we couldn't go to people who know us for them to guest blog for us. We mean if we did that, this blog will be full of unwanted and unwarranted truths that you guys dont want to know about us. And we dont take much chances around here... So we went around talking to some people who didnt know us... And here are snippets of what they had to say about us. Some of the people mentioned below arent quite well known personalities so in case you need any details about them, please do let us know, we may throw some light on them and give some more details about them to you guys. Here's what people have to say about us and this blog in particular.

Ameen Sayani
"Bhaaiyon, (unke) Behnon aur mere saare doston ko Ameeeen Sayaaaani ka pyaar bhara namaskaarrrrrrrr... Jee Haan Bhaiyon aur Behnon aaj ham baat karne jaa rahe hain Iyerospace keeeeeeeee... Agar Binaca Sangeetmaala ke baad duniya mein koi pakaooo cheez hai to woh hai Iyerospaaace... Aur haan, ye blog ke jo author haiiiiiii woh ek nakaara aur nalaayak aadmiii haiiiiiiiiii. Jee haan bhaiyon aur behnon, yahan roz ke roz aur hafte ke hafte countdown hota hai duniya ki sabse pakaoo posts kaaaaaa.... Aur tajjub ki baat to yeh hai ki in posts ke baare mein na aapko kuch samajh aata hai, aur naa hamaare dost Iyer kooooooo... To aap kya karenge... Jee haaan is window ko band kijiye aur guruvaar raat ke 9:30 baje 93.5 par mera program suniye aur doosron ko bhi sunaaaiyayyyyy... To bhaiyon aur behnon, tab tak ke liye, good bye, shabba khair aur dhanyawaaaaad"

Md Azharuddin
"Hello... I think, I am here to talk about Iyerospace... I think this is the most boring place to read posts on... I think, the author of this blog, I think, Iyer, is responsible for, I think, ousting me out of Indian cricket... I think the author here has all his support for only Mallus and Tams I think... I think he has left out Telugus and Kannadigas in the dark I think... I think its a big disservice to this community and I think you guys should stop reading such crap and I think you guys should join my solid and spacious gymnasium that I think I have started in Hyderabad... I think in case you need any more details about the gymnasium, I think you should contact either me or I think sangeeta and get the brochures and pamphlets I think... And finally, I think... Thank You!!!"

Michael Holding
"Hollo my dear friends and colleagues. I am here to talk about the worlds worst blog. It is Iyorospace. The corront situation of this blog and bloggor is worse than West Indies cricket team. The posts are trobbling to all the readors. I believe this blog is the anti-thesis of Malcom Marshal. How... Good Qoestion... It is so slow that even a tortle can ron foster than this blog and the slowness can cause slow death. So my request to all of you readers here is to stop reading this blog and contribute something towards West Indies Cricket and grocefully donate to all the piggy bonks that collect money for the entire team... Thonk You..."

Rajnikant
"Aye naaye... *zup zup zup*... I yaam ere to taalk about yay worsst Tamizh fellow and his space... *swooooosh zup zup swoooosh*... Iyerospace is the worst place to get yany farm of Yeducation... *smash tring zing ling zup zup*... Yif you yever want to get yany farm of Yeducation, please watch yany of my moviesssss... *Tring* Arunachalam, *Drishhhh* Maanik Baasha, *Te Dan Te Dan*, BABA, *Dish Dish Dish* yand Chandramukhi. All of these movies defy gravity and much better than Iyerospace that makes you fall on the ground face first... So all of you are welcome yand I will give you with 'Oru Whisky & Oru Masala Dosai' for freee... *Toof Toof Trrrrrrr Dishhhhhhh*... And as they sayyyyy 'Andavan Sonnan Arunachalam Saidaan... *zup zup zup zup zup zup*..."

See how beautifully we managed to rope in less popular personalities to blog for us. And we are generous enough to give some publicity for themselves. And dont each of them underline their undying love for Iyer and Iyerospace. Each of them loves us to bits (they want us that way... IN BITS)... We are sure you would find some popular ones to write something for your blog... what say... Got INSPIYERED by this post or not?

adios...

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

IyeRomance...

Little poems have always been found very cute when written by a lover for his/her lovee. This is how people from various professions would lure their lovees by their lovers.

Warning: This may look like some forward material, but let us state this that these are ORIGINAL and not been copied from anywhere. There may be a mix mash of hindi and english so you better be conversant with both these languages for you to understand any of it.

Doctors

My love, till death do us apart...
All surgeries - Bypass and Open heart...
Your love refreshes all my sense...
And yet there is no sight of patients...

Your absence drives me into a rage of fits...
Causes pain that is given by most dentists...
Anesthize me so that i go totally numb...
Without you, I'd say i am plainly dumb...



Lawyers

I looked in you for all possible flaws...
And searched through all the books of laws...
You stole my heart before i even looked...
And find an offence for you to be booked (under)...

I love you from near and from far...
Go ask the judge or even try the Bar...
Your love for me is my daily fodder...
There hammers the judge, "ORDER ORDER"...



Geeks

I've been 'setting' you up like a broadband channel...
Now Plijj grant me access to your control panel...
Errors you wont find and warnings you wont face...
When you give me admin rights on your database...

I wont use too much of your hard disk space or your RAM...
I promise, for you, my love, i am a customizable program...
And dont you worry, I do come with an evaluation version...
Register the full package & trust me you'll have lot of fun...


and finally...


Movie Buffs(Bollywood)

Yeh Dil To Pagal Hai... Hasta hai kabhi Rota hai...
But kya karoon mein... Hai...Kuch Kuch Hota Hai...
Mere Jeevan Saathi... This is not a Gambler's Game...
Ek Duje Ke Liye bane Hum Tum aur yeh hai Amar Prem...

Tere pyaar ne kar diya hai Aawaara Paagal Deewaana...
Ye Dil Hai Ke Maanta Nahi... thoda isko Samjhaana...
Mein ek Kora Kaagaz, ismein tere pyaar ka Rang mila...
Aur black & white se promote karke bana RANGEELA(eastman color)...



adios


PS: Good News!!! The Poet-cum-Shayar in us is already dead now. So you can stop dreading about more shayaris and poems in future posts.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Latesht Headlines...

Mika kissed Rakhi Sawant on his birthday bash infuriating her. She has taken the media by storm demaning justice. Mika on the other hand has kept his cool and is working on his next music video and our sources tell us that the song is called "Sawant ko lag gayi aag... dil mera aaaaaaa" (Remember Mika's first song... if you dont then, just forget it)

Zinadine Zidane blew up France's chances (of winning the world cup) by head butting the opponent's defender in his last football appearance. Our sources tell us that this has opened an all new career option for Zizou after his retirement. The makers of He-man serial have signed Zizou for the role of RAM-Man in the multi-billion-dollar television serial which is supposed to be hitting the screens next year. We wish him all the best in his new role

Actress Jaimala has been supposedly entered into the Guinness Book of World Records for making the most delayed confession which stood at 19 years. She has also entered into the record books for breaking the previous record by a stunning 18 years and 358 days. 7 days was the most delayed for making a confession before her. Inside sources also reveal that Iyer Education is on the way to break Jaimala's record by making a confession of his unwanted existence after 27 years.

Altaf Raja's hit the charts with a song (that we also dont remember) where Priti Jhangiani moves/grooves her legs and hips to Altaf Raja's tunes. This is supposedly confusing to the the fans of Indi-pop. What has confused them is the fact that they really cant make out if this is the comeback vehicle for Altaf Raja or Priti Jhangiani. In any case, we have all reasons to believe that both of them need to have a come back vehicle. Dev Anand is supposedly signing Altaf Raja to sing for him and Priti Jhangiani for the role of his MOM in his upcoming venture

And in the above stated confusion, the person who is using this confusion to his advantage is Himmesh Reshammiya. He's released a staggerring 3,584 songs and music videos which are personally "composed and sung" by him. The last time we were hit by such an attack was in the movie "Hum Saath Saath Hain" which had some 43,000 characters each singing a song at various points in the movie.

Talking about Himesh Reshammiya, he claims that he has another thousand such songs up his sleeve(also called as a song bank). Hearing this, a world wide VIBGYOR alert has been ordered and the fighters of organized crime and terrorism have "tagged" him as "Possessor of Weapons of Mass Destruction" and the entire squad is out to search for those thousands of WMD's which need to be found out and diffused. The search is on and nothing has been found as yet. Something similar is being investigated on Iyer Education and his posts.

Mumbai Municipal corporation have appointed the late NOAH(of ark fame) as the "Strategic Anti-Deluge Consultant". He's on the BMC's payroll for the next 5 years and will consult mumbai on how to keep away from deluges. Sources say that that a very high amount has been spent on his consultation charges and higher amounts are provided to him as "Transportation" charges. The BMC has learnt to counter torrential rains that can last upto 41 days and 41 nights. Anything above that is supposedly nature's wrath and cannot be dealth with.


Thats all pakaoogiri for now. Will see you guys later with updates, as and when received. Till then this is Iyerospace signing off from Blogspot.com...


adios...

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Nusrat Fateh IYER Khan...

We by ourselves have never been able to come up with ideas that could have been converted into posts. We are neither that intelligent nor that talented. We seek the support of "Talent Finders" for us to discover our talent and then make up posts about certain things. All fellow bloggers ( Abhi, Alap, Bird, Apoo, Scribz, Idea) have helped us tremendously in coming up with ideas galore.

 

But this time around, a pointless converstation over GTalk with lesser popular blogger (okay... VERY VERY POPULAR) has inspiyered us to come up with this post. So a million thanks to Kusum Rohra for helping us unearth the hidden idea about the upcoming post.

 

This post is about late "Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan"(NFAK). He is a legend in his own rights and his style of singing and songs. We have no words to describe anything about him. Please go ahead and read every possible detail about him over here.

 

Disclaimer: This post in no way or form is made to showcase the works of Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan in bad light. So please do not consider this as an insult to his songs or his style. All of the below stated texts are fictional and have been used in pure humour. We are too piddly in comparison to Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan to make any judgements or make fun of him .

 

Now, coming back to the main point of contention of this post is that we have been the source of INSPIYERATION for most of Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan's superhit songs . We know that it is a very difficult thing to digest (just like Dabur Pudinhara) but in case you havent been able to swallow the above, let us repeat it again. We have been the source of INSPIYERATION for most of Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan's superhit songs .

 

By this time, most of the readers (one to be precise) will have doubts as to how can Iyer make such a claim (others would surely dismiss this claim). Don't you worry. We have proof here... and by proof we mean SOLID proof and not just LIQUID or GASEOUS proof. Aur waise bhi to PROOF hi present karne aaye hai ham yahan. So here's the proof. IRREFUTABLE PROOF... And by the end of this post, you will also believe that the songs were TRULY INSPIYERED by us. So there...

 

 

NFAK spent just one day with us or let us put it the other way round. we just spent one day with him and he came up with the most famous songs of all times.

 

The first glimpse of us and that glimpse was enough for him to pen "Kitna Kala Tujhe Rab Ne Banaya... Dil Kare Maarta Rava " and everyone knows how famous that song became. Even Amir Khan sang a copied version of that song to Karishma Kapoor in Raja Hindustani. Bally Sagoo also made a remix of the song which featured Arjun Rampal.

 

A little jaan pehchaan with Iyer and he came to know how disorganized and unplanned Iyer was and that was the theme of his next super hit " Dumb (guy) Must (use) Calendar". Like they rightly say "Everybody in life has a purpose, even if it is to serve as a bad example (and inspire superhit songs)"

 

Then as usual we discussed music and we stated that our favourite singer was Kumar Sanu. We also stated that he (Kumar Sanu) wasn't melodious or something but that all his songs made us restless. And this was the theme of his third famous superhit song " Sanu Ik Pal Chain Na Aawe". Did anyone of you know that this was dedicated to Kumar Sanu? Now you know...

 

Some deep conversation made NFAK quite sure that Iyer knows nothing about music or anything else under the sun. Iyer was more shallow than an palmful of water (chullu bhar paani). And he had to warn the other people about the same and obviously the warning was passed through to other people by a song called " Kisiko Iyer Na Mile" (link). We think Kavita Krishnamurthy sang the same song for some Hindi Movie.

 

NFAK couldnt bear us anymore and left us. We were heart-broken and like all heartbroken Devdas' we too visited a Bar all by ourselves and got ourselves drunk out of proportion and were walking on the roads like a drunk (red) bull. And NFAK spots us walking the walk of the drunk, comes to the conclusion that we are really drunk and pens down " PIYA RE... PIYA RE". Parveen Dabas looks awfully madrasi in that video (remember?)

 

Kind hearted that NFAK is, he decides to drop us home. But there was commotion there when our folks find out that we are drunk. That commotion created by my folks and the entire funny scenario was one of the most famous songs of all times " Iyer Peeke Ghar Aaya" . You must have seen Madhuri Dixit tapping her feet and hips to that song in Yaarana.

 

So there... Proof submitted... So next time onwards whenever you listen to any of the above stated songs, you sure know the source of INSPIYERATION behind all of those...

 

adios…

Monday, July 10, 2006

Apple, Acer, AMD

This is the name of the new sci-fi, computer-driven, jet-age movie that we are planning to make, which is based on the the orignal Manmohan Desai movie "Amar Akbar Anthony". So sit back, relax and DONT EVEN bother to make sense out of this... Just as you usually do.

Disclaimer: If you havent seen "Amar, Akbar, Anthony", plijj and we repeat, PLIJJJJ do not go ahead... Oh... and get a life... Watch "Amar, Akbar, Anthony" and come back and read this post.

Mainframe Roy & Basic Pran have three little inventions of their own. And before they could add any functionality to the the three, all five of them get seperated from each other in a ghastly incident.

Mainframe Roy loses her LED's to a ghastly accident and Basic Pran progresses onto becoming VB.Net Pran, piggybacking on a wealthy but cruel businessmen. In the meanwhile the three inventions are commercialized by three different wealthy businessmen and they are programmed to be

Apple iPOD (ref Amar)

Acer Laptop (ref Akbar)

AMD Processor (ref Anthony)

All three of them grow up seperately and there is a Manmohan desai-esque moment when Mainframe Roy runs out of power and she is supplied by alternate current by all three of them albeit without the knowledge of each other. This incident brings Acer and AMD together and they integrate together very well(Thats why you find AMD processors on ACER laptops). Apple on the other hand remains aloof as he is supposedly a niche product and is being used only by elitists.

Then, as usual in all Bollywood movies. Apple, Acer & AMD fall in love with Songs, Sleekness & Speed (Something to do with 'S' we say) respectively and they have their share of integration (of a different level) happening with each other. Speed(of coding and delivery) is being provided by VB.net Pran (everyone knows that).

Then in a bizzarre incident in a Cyber-Baba Cybercafe (ref Sai-baba Temple), Mainframe Roy restores her LED's back. This brings back to life her processing power. Mainframe roy then recognizes the marks that she made on Apple, ACER & AMD with a Faber Castell permanent marker and realises that these three products are her own brainchild and that she has to reclaim the Trademarks from their respective owners. At the same time she also processes the underlying compiler of VB.net Pran and realises that the functions in them are nothing but the functions of Basic Pran, thus getting her husband back.

Firstly, VB.NET Pran is made to realise the truth and he starts running his compiler on Mainframe Roy. Later, slowly, one after the other Apple, Acer & AMD are told about their roots and after the initial setbacks all three of them integrate together. Now "The Apple iPod can be charged on an ACER laptop that is powered by the AMD processor". And they integrate happily ever after.

And before you guys can jump over to "The End"... there is the title song that goes like this...

"Audio, Video aur Processing ko kare ye SIMPLY...
Audio, Video aur Processing ko kare ye SIMPLY...
Ek jagah jab jama ho teeno... APPLE... ACER... AMD...
APPLE... ACER... AMD... APPLE... ACER... AMD..."



adios...

Friday, July 07, 2006

Intiyernational Cuisines...

My dear Bunties & Bubblies...


Presenting to you the International Iyer cuisine... Also popularly known as Intiyernational Cuisine...


So if you are already feeling that you are in "Gordon Ramsay's HELL'S KITCHEN" then do not forget to thank the author for creating such a wonderful, delicious and wholesome atmosphere

Thai: All Thai curries will be different avataars either sambars or vattal kolambus and they would be served with steamed rice. Thai is the closest to the Iyer Cuisine we say.


Japanese: Sushi would mean raw banana served with coconut chutney. Want it to give it a try?.


Americans: Pizzas would have Uttappams for the base and they would be served with molagapodi (curry powder) instead of oregano for seasoning.

British: Earl Grey Tea will be replaced by Dark Brown Filter Kaapi. Grey is no color at all.


Germans: Hamburgers would have Avial (mixed vegetable) between two Idlis & Mcdonalds would call it Mc AVial Idli(Mc Aloo Tikki).


Italians: Pastas & Spaghettis would taste like steamed appalams (southie form of papads).


French: Exquisite wines would be all offshoots of the world famous RASAM. And you may RAIN & DINE in style.


Mexican: We'd have friend Karavadams (fryums) for tortilla chips and they would be served with thair pachadi (curry made of curd) for dip.


Lebanese: Shawarma would be replaced with Veg Upma and this same Upma will be rolled onto the Pita Bread and given to you. Awesome and wholesome breakfast we'd say.

The last and the best....


Chinese: You'd find fried rice served with Curd as the accompanying gravy. We are sure it'd taste awesome.


The above are already available at all the world famous south indian mess on all MG Roads, SV Roads and Highways of the golden quadrilateral... Okay just kidding... none of them will be found anywhere other than Iyerospace. So there...


adios...