Monday, March 27, 2006

Weekend Lessons!!!

For all those who think weekends are all cooey-dooey and all fun, please close this window right away and surf something more interesting, because what is going to come up is not something you are going to like. (As if you have things that you can like around here… anyways that is not the point of contention… is it?)

The weekend dated 25th Mar 06 – 26th Mar 06 (I want to exaggeratedly make it sound like a year or so) was one of the worstest weekends ever spent. And the worst part of it was I spent learning a lot of things. How do I explain it to you guys how I hate learning? I prefer to live my life in ignorance for ignorance is bliss and learning just plainly sucks. By the end of Sunday evening I was so bored to death that I am driven to research on a “timed sleeping pill” which I would pop on Friday night and the effects of which would ward off on a Monday morning.

Okay I make it sound very bad, but there were good moments too, but what significance is a 2 hour drive followed by an hour of meeting up with friends compared to the slow and timed death of around 40 hours at home. Yanyways all bitching later, I decided to turn down offers from friends to be out watching movie with them. I declined their offer and ended up in a un-ending circle of boredom which taught me the following lessons. I will share all those “gigabytes of gyaan” with you and if it helps even one of you, I will be more than honoured. So here go the lessons that this weekend taught me…

  • Refrain from trying to find entertainment in music channels. 4 out of 5 music channels will have Himmesh Reshammiya sucking the life out of the microphone he is strategically holding for the very same purpose as stated above. The latest song has him “experimenting” with a stationary microphone instead of the regular hand held ones. Dwaak-thuuuuu…

  • Please keep spare video games to play with. Because in times of boredom (read it as when the family is watching Sun TV and Asianet with all their heart and soul), you definitely will need them. Sometimes these tam and mallu movies & serials, I tell you can give you rapid attacks of epitolpheolosis (I made that up) and eventually lead to some tear jerking, pelvic thrusting, lungi / saree flying, bust throbbing unwanted consequences.

  • Have some interesting books to read. It at least solves two purposes for me. One as an option for a spare read and second as something that would put me down to sleep. Trust me it works wonderfully with me. Nothing can put me down to slumber like a few minutes of serious reading. I guess that’s why I never got good grades. (Realisation I say)

  • The point of sleep brings me to the next point. Please do not keep your “much wanted sleep” for the weekend. Sorry friends, it doesn’t work that way. The body of every average person is accustomed to sleep during work hours. Blame the body clock for that. You cant find sleep during weekends and you WILL sleep post lunch hours (Mon – Fri) consistently. So the ones who keep fooling themselves to catch up on sleep on weekends, please wakeup.

  • Talking about reading brings me to the next point. The worst thing to read on weekends would be the "special weekend edition" of newspapers. Trust me they are the worst things to read, unless you want to know how many times does this new kid on the block shaves his chest hair or how many times does this ah-so-suave model gets herself waxed (and waned) in a week and what kind of aromatic candles should you use when you have your dog mating with the neighours (dog of course)... You get the idea right... They are Fully Faltoo...

  • Weekends are the worst time to watch movies on TV, especially the ones that go with the tag of “<Something> Super Premiere”. Please do not watch it. The super premiere is surely of some product that totally disinterests you and you will have to watch the movies intermittently in between the super premiere of the product. Don’t even catch a movie in a close by multiplex, unless of course you are ready to pay that kind of money to only watch some cute chicks in that multiplex (with the assumption that there is no strong cowboy like boyfriend for company).

  • Keep yourself busy during weekends. Even if it calls for taking drastic steps like washing clothes, utensils, high rope walking, long jumping, skipping, playing lagori or anything for that matter. Please do not keep yourself idle. Because in today’s world a devils workshop for all practical reasons is also termed as a “television” and trust me you can then loop back to points 1 & 2.

  • When you say “No” to your friends / family for anything that involves a group <something>, please be ready to face all of the above stated or the ones to follow consequences. You have to be mentally prepared to go through the torture that being at home has to offer. (by the above I don’t mean that my family is a torture, pliss do not re-misconstrue the already misconstrued)

8 is where I stop. No No No No… not because I have run out of ideas for points 9 through 10, but because my non-existent subconscious numerologist told me that the number 8 is lucky for my posts and since 8 is synonymous with weight, it gives a lot of, the much needed weight to my posts...

If you follow these steps of what to do and what not to do on weekends, your weekends may be much better. But if you don’t and continue to spend your weekends endlessly watching Television and futilely trying to put yourself to sleep, I am sure you will get used to the endless boredom and if you do, please let me know how do you feel like it and let me know how you cope with it. I may like to test that as well.

adios…

PS: Sorry all mah braadars for giving you taang this weekend. I will make sure that it does not repeat. And if it does… I surely won’t write a post about it ;)

Friday, March 17, 2006

Songs Stations Sing!!!

Let me begin this post with a couple of lines by a Great Russian Poet Ryei Nura (seriously man, Russian sounds like English written backwards… still don’t get it… du-u-h). He says the following (translated into English for simplicity of understanding)

If there is a song for every occasion…
Why isn’t there a song for every station…

Profound words I say. And it got me thinking. This poet must be a very powerful one at that. He actually made me think. But that was not what I was thinking. I was thinking of something else. Something more serious… something more grave… something more intense… and those thoughts are what formed the basis of this post…

The lifelines of Mumbai are its trains. Mumbai & Mumbaikars survive because of the fantastic train facilities provided to them. I mean whatever said and done, how much ever you would like to crib and complain about them, you have to admit the fact that the trains running in Mumbai are sooper. Everyday (okay every working day) of my life I faithfully spend two hours (to & fro) in traveling from Andheri to Churchgate on the western railways. I admit there are people who stay farther than I do and actually travel all the way from Virar to Churchgate, but then all I can do is to speak for myself. So I dedicate this post to all the stations that I religiously pass through on my journey on the trains of Mumbai on a daily basis.

I generally travel by a slow train from my source to my destination and vice versa, unless of course it’s some kind of a holiday and the fast trains are not as jam packed as depicted here (read it, its howlarious and the author seems to have gone in hibernation). The slow train stops / halts at every station available between the source and the destination. And every time I look at the platform of the station, it feels like it is singing to me. Something that it wants to convey to me, something that it wants me to understand. But being the dodo that I am, I am sure I don’t get it. But what I can guess is the song that it could probably be singing to me. It has to be some stupid song from some stupid Hindi movie. I mean what else you would think would a thing as inanimate as a railway station would be singing for a moron like me. It has got to be some stupid song from a stupid Hindi movie. But those stations sing to me and in turn make me sing “When You Sang to Me (I wrote a blog post) – Mark Anthony”. Okay okay enough pakaoing… lets just cut the crap cake and get down to business / singing / whatever it was…

I am taking into account only the songs sung to me by random stations. To define them, the random stations are the ones, about which a song can be thought about / created. So all other stations will be ignored. Residents of these stations are requested to form a song for their respective stations.

Andheri
Andheri Raaton mein, sunsaan raahon par…
Abey kitna late kaam karke aata hai…
Saale tu duniya ka sabse bada loser hai…
(Courtesy – Title song – Shahenshah)

Dadar
Station hai ya macchi market…
Log yahan ke weird bhi hai…
Sabse ganda sabse crowded…
Dadar ka platform hai ye…
(Courtesy – Chehra Hai Chaand Khila Hai – Saagar)

Mahim
Yahan famous ek church hai… aur bahut smelly creek hai re… Mahim West…
Yahan se rick nahi hai milti… yahan se cabbie start hoti hai re… Mahim West…
.
.
Bandra se pehle… East or West, East or West… Mahim East or West…
Matunga ke baad… East or West, East or West… Mahim East or West…
(Courtesy – Maahi Ve – Kal Ho Na Ho)

Khar Road
Khar Khar Dekho… Hazaar Baar Dekho…
Khar Khar Dekho… Hazaar Baar Dekho…
Ye western line ka sabse bada… bakwaas station hai…
Khaaaaaaar Roaaaad…. Te dan Tan… Khaaaaaar Roaaaaaaad…
(Courtesy – Baar Baar Dekho – China Town)

Goregaon
Gore mera gaon bada crowded, tu gaya marauded… aake yahan re…
Us par famous milk colony, aur ek fillum city… aur kya chahiye…
(Courtesy – Gori Tera Gaaon Bada Pyaara – Chitchor)

Malad
Bol dhakkan bol tera station kaunsa?
Kahan pe tu utarega, aur mujhe seat dega…
Goregaon ke baad ka station…
Mala-D mera destination… Mala-D… Mala-D
(Courtesy – Mala D contraceptive Pills ad on Doordsarshan)

And before you begin to take your nasty / smelly shoes off and hurl at me…

My train goes zooooo… zooooo… zoooom – Salaam Namaste.

adios

Monday, March 13, 2006

My Fav Southie Movies…

Being brought up in a Tamil Brahmin family, one would generally expect me to be an avid viewer of Tamil /Malayalam movies. Oh yes I do watch Tamil and Malayalam movies. And I love them too. So here is the list of my all time favourite Tamil & Malayalam movies. Don’t ask me where I have seen them. It’s my own personal lil collection and before you ask…

No, I won’t rent / share the CD’s or DVD’s of these movies…

Yenjoyyyyyyy!!!


Pi(ye)rates Of The Cochin
Pi(ye)rates of the Cochin is a sweeping action-adventure story set in an era when villainous iyers scavenged the Cochin city. This roller coaster tale teams a young man, Vaidyanathan Ramaswamy, with an unlikely ally in rogue Pi(ye)rate Subramaniam Doraiswamy. Together, they must battle a band of the world's most treacherous iyers, led by the cursed Captain Krishnamurty, in order to save Subbalakshmi, the love of Vaidyanathan’s life, as well as recover the lost payasam and rasam that Subramaniam seeks. Hovering their dhotis in a fierce mortal combat, Vaidyanathan and Subramaniam attempt to recapture Mariamman Koil (temple), save the Cochin mallus, and relinquish a fortune in payasam and rasam thereby lifting the curse of the Pi(ye)rates of the Cochin

Loyally Iyer
Meenakshi Iyer has it all. She's the president of her sorority, a Miss Tirunelveli, and, above all, a natural Iyer. She adores the cutest boy in high school, Mr Wagle (non Iyer) on campus and wants nothing more than to be his dharampatni. But, there's just one thing stopping Wagle from popping the question: Meenakshi is too “Iyer” for him. So, when Wagle packs up for Loyola Law College (famous college in Chennai) and reunites with an old sweetheart from high school, Meenakshi rallies all her resources and gets into Loyola Law College (that explains the title… still don’t get it huh?), determined to win him back. But Law College is a far cry from the comforts of her hair oils and silk saree shops. Meenakshi must wage the battle of her life, for her guy, for herself and for all the Iyer ladies who suffer endless indignities everyday. And does she do it or what? Way to go Iyer gurl… I am proud of you… (Oh, by the way, I am single too…)

Menon Management
Unnikrishnan Menon is a hardworking businessman with a pacifistic nature that has often gotten the best of him. But a simple misunderstanding aboard an airplane quickly escalates into a legal nightmare for Unnikrishnan. Now, the only way he can avoid jail time is to seek the help of a very unlikely menon management instructor known as Dr. Vasudevan Nair. The good doctor's unorthodox methods border on unconventional and nearly psychotic and sometimes to the extremes of being nairotic(neurotic), but may be the perfect antidote for Menon, who has been a stepping stone his entire life.

The Lungi
Biju Chettan is just a lowly naariyalpaaniwaala for Mr. Million Nair (actually Mr Nair is a secret agent, but don’t reveal it to anyone… Shhhhhh), until Mr Million Nair has an accident that puts him in the hospital. Biju is sent back to fetch some things for Mr Nair and unknowingly tries on Nair’s Lungi and finds that it gives extraordinary powers to anyone that wraps it around. This discovery thrusts Biju into world of international intrigue and espionage and pairs him with an inexperienced partner (Lola Kutty)

Sound Of (Carnatic) Music
Mahalakshmi is a failure as an on-stage performer. Her guru sends her off in answer to a letter from a retired namboodiri for a governess for his seven children. She goes to their house and finds that she is the latest in a long line of governesses run off by the children. She teaches the children a blend of thyagaraja keerthanams and carnatic music and that becomes their bonding force, of course leading her to fall in love with their father (naughty namboodiri) and marries him. As this is happening Kerala votes to be assumed by Left forces on the eve of Onam.


If you are a Tamil / Mallu and haven’t seen any of the above stated movies, you sure are missing something. If you are non Tamil / non mallu, then don’t fret, you weren’t authenticated to watch these movies in the first place. And let me tell you one more time… do not expect me to circulate the CD’s or DVD’s of these movies.

Description of the original movies courtesy IMDB


adios…

PS: I don’t have enough courage to re-read whatever I have written. It is very pakaoo yaar… As usual, please ignore if possible. Beginning of the week ka symptoms hai!!!

Thursday, March 09, 2006

The search ends right Iyer (here)…

I got this blog registered with www.mybloglog.com, quite a good tool I say. It shows places from where people came and shows places where people went from here. That I thought would be good information.

Most of the users came via “Blog Hopping” as in referred to by other Blogs or through the links on other Blogs. And most of them checked out other Blogs from especially Memphis, who seems to be amongst the topmost outgoing link consistently.

But what took the cake were the search results i.e. the searches on which Iyerospace ended up being a search result. Let me just say they are anything but sensible. Just like Iyerospace. Here are some of them for you to go through. Just don’t laugh too loudly, the author may object.

Statutory Warning: Ladies & Gentlemens and Neals & Nikkies, the searches that you are about to see are performed by people under expert supervision. Do not attempt this by yourself. Don’t try it at home/office/any other place where you can lay your hands upon a computer. It may be injurious to your overall health.

Google Search: reasons for failure of iodex

Yahoo Search: rapidex english

MSN Search: lyrics aye kaash ke hum

Google Search: lust.exe

Google Search: mundu and veshti kerala womens

Google Search: kaun banega kbc sound

MSN Search: chennai chicks

Google Search: farewell party speech in india

Google Search: vattal kozhambu

Google Search: bhagyashree + sallu

Yahoo Search: video of sarabhai vs sarabhai

Google Search: some day mltr mpg

I profusely sympathize with all the “searchers” for Iyerospace to be a part of their search results. I just have one question now, Why me? Why ? Why?

Now you can stop laughing at me…


adios…