Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Beta aur Baap...

A lot of bloggers have moved their blogs from the normal version to the beta version of the blog. All the advantages of a unified google account and categories and we dont know what all have been offered to these new blog sites. And it seems that we will have to be patient to see a "Blue Button" on our dashboard for us to be able to have access to that. What they dont understand is that until a blue button is visible, they could have atleast shown a "Belly Button" that would have comforted us for atleast some time. And as the old chinese saying goes " Belly Button is better than No Button", they could have kept interest of the fellow bloggers. But then that was not to happen.


*Cut back to present*


We havent been offered the 'beta' that as yet. Looks like we arent cut out for that. We are sure that they must have known that our marriage is lurking around the corner and that it is time for us to have our own beta(or beti... as destiny may have for us). So to possibly avoid any beta treatment to the blog and alpha treatment to my beta/beti, google are yet to offer us the beta form of the blog. Any mortal human being at this point in time would have been frustrated and lost all their good faith in god and google and would have moved onto greener pastures like wordpress, xanga, typepad etc. But given the optimists that we are, we still are sticking to google... and kicking others with our posts. And what is that optimism you'd ask? Read ahead...


Any pessimist would have thought of the fact that they are not cut out for Blogger Beta. But we are a tad different. We think this. " Prolly google is working on another landmark innovation called "Blogger Ka Baap" and ask us to be the first and prestigious (ha) member of Blogger ka Baap... ". Isnt it kind of good to be thinking positive. Given that our blood group is nowhere being close to "B Positive" or even "HIV Positive", it is very surprising for us to maintain this kind of positive thinking. So all kudos to us (donkeys just love to praise their own tails dont they? By this we are not calling ourselves donkeys... we are just terming our thoughts as donkey's tails)


And given the features beta already has, we are sure the baap will have more features. Our positivity tells us that we'd have the following features in "Blogger ka Baap"


BFP: BFP stands for Blogs Family Planning. We'd expect the current blog contirbutors ka funda to change to Maa Blogs and Baap Blogs and they'd plan to have any number of Beta Blogs amongst themselves. And there would be a minimum timeframe of 3 years between two Beta Blogs. This would be made compulsory taking into consideration Bloggers' drive to have beta blogs. And finally we'd have an additional "Nas Bandi" (read Vasectomy) option for the Baap Blogs to put a full stop to any further Beta Blogs.


Auto Categories: We'd have categories assigned automatically to posts. How? Just like Google Ad sense figures out some key words and puts appropriate ads, they could read certain key words from posts and assign auto categories to the posts. Going by the above, we are sure there is only one category assigned to our blog and that category would be "Crap". Dont even try looking for other categories


Programmed Comments: This is one feature that we are eagerly looking forward for. You could save a couple of nice comments as templates in your profile and enable a random function that takes one of these goodie goodie comments and post it on one of your posts under names that you have decide in the profile. More of these comments would make your blog look like a very popular one. We already have some examples for our template and it goes like this " What a brilliant author... Amazing" - Carmen Electra... "You are just out of this world... SETI will surely discover you one day " - Brook Burke... " I feel you should write a book... You'd be a better author than VVS Laxman" - Jessica Alba... "Your content is very light and not at all heavy... just like my weight " - Paris Hilton... what say? nice idea no?


Auto Ajdustable Counters: These, just like the above stated "Programmed Comments" boost up the egos and morales of lesser mortal bloggers like us. Here the users have all the rights to adjust the counters i.e. hits on their blogs. Blogs like ours can suddenly start displaying startling statistics of about a million hits per day. And all this, with just a click of a button and a few key strokes and voila... our blog has more page hits than " www.google.com".


Auto Chat Boxes : This is similar to what was discussed in the Programmed Comments section, but the only difference is that the messages will be available on chat boxes instead of comments. And you could use pre-programmed responses for these messages for your advantage too? We are planning to have the following msgs in the chat box to boost our ego " A/S/L" - Lindsay Lohan (we'd say she's plain dumb... otherwise she could have just checked our profile)... "Can i have your phone number " - Scarlett Johansson ... " Do you provide free backrubs?" - Latticia Casta


With all these features that we will receive in "Blogger ka Baap" version, we'd only say we are more than eager to switch over to that version and dont care for these piddly "beta" versions that will be a passe once the baap is in :)


adios...

6 comments:

the pooh said...

lol...maybe ill start blogging too when they come up with the baap version:P

nice one :)

Anonymous said...

Hi, that was a nice post... Nice subject too. Wish you could write more often.

~~ Provided by Programmed Comments (Beta version)

Anonymous said...

Hmm, looks like they have to iron out some bugs in Programmed Comments part ;)

I hope they have some planning for twin blogs in BFP. And for divorce too...

Anonymous said...

i always feel it is the content that matters... beta or no beta.... should make no difference

iyer education said...

@winny, alright... see you on baap then :)

@fleiger, ROFL man... zimbly ROFL

@pegasus, thats what we dont have... and thats where we dont want people to pay attention... hence all this chakkar

silverine said...

ROFL good one man!!!

"Blogger Ka Baap" was too good!!!