Wednesday, November 15, 2006

I(yer)sland...

It has been a long time since we have updated this blog with any piece of so called crap. Now we know that, that in turn is great news for you guys. But we are the worlds lesser known sadists and our closest pals would tell us how we like to make people sad and then make them make all sorts of faces by chewing their heads off. So living upto our true potential we come up with yet another piece of beautiful (read crappy) post for you and you only. (If anyone is still reading this)


Let us first tell you that we are sick and tired of working for someone. That is so unlike IYERS. Most of the Iyers love to work. They love to manage. But most of them won’t take risks by venturing into business. But we do not belong to the traditional Iyer mould and we are planning to start a business. And that is what we are going to showcase in this post… OUR BUSINESS PLAN.

Firstly, upfront, let us break this particular news to you, just in case you missed out this portion of news on BBC, CNN, Aaj Tak, Star News, Sahara Samay, Vaarthaigal, Baatmya and lot of other regional, local and global news channels and news papers. “We have procured an island”. Yup read it again, We have brought an Island and it is on this Island that our business is going to be based out of… Head Quarters, Branches, Corporate Office all of them would be operated from this single island.

For your convenience, we have a snapshot of the Island taken from powerful satellite cameras. Here is a snapshot of the island with a 12X zoom from the earth. Naturally it would look smaller from that far. The location is still to be figured out in understandable terms but for now you can use 112 Lat and 221 Longitude for understanding

Now can you stop admiring the island and come back to the business from out of this island. We are going to have a theme entertainment park on this island. And the theme, without any doubts would be “Iyer”. Surprisingly, this dream destination park will be called “Iyersland”. And the rides on this park will be through donations from the well to do Iyers.

The donation part we say, we have cashed in on the report that says that Iyers are bored of giving donations to temples for building gold gopurams and silver plating the idols and all. They wanted a much more lucrative investment than the current ones that only sends them prasadam packets back home once or twice a year. And this definitely is one helluva lucrative investment we say. And we have also devised one way to laud their generosity and that would be to name the rides after them.

Ranga Rollercoaster – This one’s courtesy of Ranganathan From Reay Road (happy memories for Bird from Reay road… not sure about the ranga part though). The rollercoaster is so designed that it gives you the feeling of traveling in the hilly regions of Konkan Railways (en route Kerala). Hop up and have the time of your life. Specially recommended for people who haven’t had the chance of traveling by Konkan Rail in their lives.

Giri Giant Wheel – This one’s from Sheshagiri or fondly called as Giri mama from Goregaon. This mama has a chain of Iyer stores in his own name. Any southie would know about that popular chain of stores. Diversification of his portfolio has brought him into investing in this ride. And why this particular ride? Because Giri mama has been already taking people for a ride with is chain of stores. And this is just an extension to it.

Dorai Dome – Ths iD dome’s courtesy of Doraiswamy from Dombivili. Yup its not 3D or 4D… its iD. Where i could be any imaginary number that you can think of after sitting in this dome. The i also stands for Iyer, the original clan for which this dome was designed. We’d screen only tamil mythological movies in this dome where the heroes use atleast a quintal of lipstick to look like gods and demi gods. Who wouldn’t pay to watch these movies we say?

Muthulakshmi Merry Go Round – Muthulakshmi maami from Mulund whose world famous in mulund for making round murukkus (chakli in hindi/marathi) has sponsored this ride. She is so attached to things that go round (just like the murukku) that she upfront decided to go ahead and sponsor this ride for the park. We have taken extra care to ensure that the periphery of this ride is similar to the murukkus that this maami makes.

Ananthalakshmi Aqua Dash – Ananthalakshmi maami from Andheri who is famous for making watery appams has sponsored this water ride. The ride that is more slippery than any of the appams this maami has ever made. Should be fun given the background of this maami and her penchant for slippery issues.

For now these are the rides that you will have to do with. And like all growing entertainment parks, we are going to slowly and steadily develop into a full fledged themed-entertainment-park, giving kishkintha and esselworld a run for their money. For now we are not planning to have any food stalls, but we would definitely provide plaintain leaves (free of cost) to the customers to have the food that they have got in their 5 foot long tiffin boxes. Water would be freely available in any and every of the small pools in the park where the customers can take bath along with a dip for their buffaloes, cows, pigs et al if they have them as their pets.

Rest all details will be worked out soon.

adios…

PS1: We are still collecting funds for the park. So all forms of donations/sponsorships are welcome. But please stick to cash only. Rides will be named appropriately.

PS2: The above pic of the allegedly island is our new nameplate for the new house. We know most of you guys have got this. This is only for the help of some “TUBE LIGHTS”

7 comments:

Snehal said...

hahaha Nice post dude.
BTw just a suggestion /.maybe a part of ur iyerland could be leased out to Dosa Diner. So maybe if some influential iyers dont contribute,u wont feel the pinch.

Bird said...

I thought i misread the post title as "I(yer)'s L**d", then i read your post & realised i dint misread it at all.

:)

Cloudy said...

LOL LOL LOL!

where the heroes use atleast a quintal of lipstick

Not to mention at least a ton of face powder, no?

And, do tube lights read your blog? You are doing yourself disservice saar...

IdeaSmith said...

LOL....rocking plan! Can we make donations in idlis?

Anonymous said...

LOL....Besh Besh :d ..What is the procedure to join the venture :)

SCRIBBLEZ TO WAKEUP said...

Theme park n island..Bada boss ban gaya to..Plaintain leaf, good jesture instead of plates n all! Too brainy bhi hai re! :)

iyer education said...

@snehal, done brother... now you be the link between iyersland and dosa diner... will give you good commission if you are able to pull that off :)

@bird, iyer atleast has an island and a l**d... did you get time to introspect yourself for both?

@cloudy, who does not expect fellow brethrens to not read your blog... and tubelights definitely fall into that category :)

@idea, no idlis please... lets KISS (Keep it Simple Stupid) and keep it CASH ONLY

@vinod, as some guy sang "SHOW ME THE MONEY"... thats the only procedure :)

@scribz, brainy... woh to bachpan se hai... but currently bahut garib hai... care to fund?