Wednesday, October 11, 2006

BIG B’days…

So what’s so special about Oct 11 out here in India?  Not that it is some kind of holiday or something on those lines. Today is the birthday of Amitabh Bachhan. Also known as the BIG B. He is one of the finest actors available in the world today. Point taken we say.

But what we cannot understand in our tiny little minds is the fact that why gazillions of companies are hell bent on celebrating his birthday. Not that we are against it or something like that. But ever since we woke up in the morning all that we have seen and heard about is Amitabh Bachhans birthday and all of that.

TOI has his image on the first page. All news channels are airing congratulations and are taking wishes for him on SMS. Like they care if the SMS reaches him or not. Then there are radio stations taking messages from people on phone and on SMS for the BIG B. Why is this happening? Yeah alright, commercialization, money honey and all that crappola is all the answer for it.

Now that we are in a position to do absolutely nothing about it and just be audience to what is happening. We also believe that we are there for a social cause… equality. So we suggest to all the companies reading this blog (0 to be precise) to also celebrate the birthdays of the following stars so that they also feel special and not left out.

Rakhi Sawant: This is one hell of an occasion we say. And for one day we need to send Special SMS (Smooch Mika Smooch) to this horrendous gorgeous lady. Also companies could use three ladies sized handkerchiefs to make a birthday dress (two piece b!k!n!) for her (We don’t think she needs anymore cloth than that). We also suggest that companies sponsor Z security for her to keep her away from unassuming smoochers and saving media of the disgrace of seeing her after her birthday bash.

Salman Khan: Companies should celebrate his birthday by giving away prizes to the ones who send birthday wishes to him. The prizes should be in the form of “Go take your car and run over up to 3 people on the road and we sponsor your court proceedings” or “Take your safari suit and kill a couple of black bucks and we make sure you are safe”. We mean, what can be a better ode to Salman Khan other than his fans following his footsteps.

Negar Khan/Carol Gracias/Gauhar Khan: Now whats common between these three gals. Not their birthdates you airheads. “Wardrobe Malfunction” is the word. So we suggest that all companies should accept birthday wishes for them on SMS and use all the money collected to buy belts/naadas or any other form of fasteners (feviqwik excluded as its harmful for the skin) for them. What could be better for them other than the guarantee that their clothes won’t fall off in the next ramp walk.

Ekta Kapoor: The companies could organize wrestling/boxing competitions between mother in laws (MIL) and daughter in laws (DIL) as a tribute to this K lady. K lady could also be invited as a guest referee and should be compulsorily put in a handicap match between her and the winner MIL and DIL couple. The beatings she’d get would serve as payback for what she did to the numerous families between 10-11 PM IST.

Himesh Reshammiya: We could have an entire day commemorated to him by asking all radio stations and radio companies to REFRAIN from playing any of his songs on that particular day. We mean everyday we get to hear him innumerable number of times. At least his birthday should be a little change and we should hear none of him. (We predict that once the listener gets used to his birthday then everybody would demand his birthday be celebrated 365 days in a year… 366 days in a leap year if anyone was looking for loopholes)

Iyer Education: Lastly we would celebrate this particular gentleman’s birthday by repeatedly demanding the ISP’s to close the blog. We are sure that this has to be carried out year after year as we have full faith in the government officials and their efficiency in getting things done. So these companies can keep making petitions year after year after year for closing this blog and we give you guarantee that none of that would work and we would exist to torture you for eons to come.

adios…

18 comments:

godo said...

hahaha that was too good..
@Himesh reshammiya bugs us in dubai radio stations too :s

and cannot agree over the last one..then who will dish out the iyer-dishes to us all.

Anonymous said...

Aiyer sir's b day must be celebrated by all the nation...
And I was thinking you would recommend idly with jam to stop wardrobe malfunctions ;)

the pooh said...

ugh ugh what about my bday

AJ said...

Wouldn't it be great if Ekta Kapoor's and Himesh Reshammiya's birthday feel on the same day? That way the TV and radio will be cleansed (even though it's only for one day)

venus said...

why such a favoritism only for Himmmu ?? and if it is true for Himmu, he must be 10000+ years(!?!?!?) old now, the oldes living human being on the earth :)

SCRIBBLEZ TO WAKEUP said...

We Wish YOU A HAPPY BIRTHDAY< WE WISH YOU A HAPPY BIRTHDAY...We keep wishing as maybe our wish will be heard by the Gvmt baboos! Kidding! :)

Kautilya said...

well.. mortals... my b'day is celebrated in the most grandest way!

ok.. just incase if ya still dont' know.... we all know what is 1st of April! hmpf... thats a long story!

Ideasmith said...

LOL! A list-walla spoofy post after ages...Iyer, Iyer, rocking post. And yes, reading the last line makes me hope that your birthday is forever obliterated from public memory! Of course there is the thought that blocking it off might actually increase traffic on the non-birthday days.

iyer education said...

@godo, so this himesh is an international bug haan? saala lets tell USA that he's a WMD and make them search for him... what say?

@fleiger, you are sure idly and jam will be sticky enough to stick their wardrobes?

@the pooh, how about celebrating valentines on your birthday? i am sure a lot of companies will gladly oblige :P

@AJ, aah that would be one ideal day i say... AMEN to your point :)

@venus, himmmu... i mean how can u have nicknames for him... he's such a torture... old or young, he's still a major trouble i say :)

@scribz, keep trying is what i say... baboos will never listen...

@kautilya, so thats your birthday bro haan?... one LANDMARK of a day i say :)

@idea, dont obliterate (what in the world does that mean... erase i guess) my budday from public memory... you dont need to.... nobody remembers it anyway :P

Anonymous said...

We can always tell them to eat idly and jam and gain some width so that the respective pieces of cloth have something to hang on ;)

Anonymous said...

iyer, surely, you mean Amitabh Bachchan.
(my sensivite ears picking out the slightly misplaced emphasis)
as for your b-day- I'm sure it'll be declared a holiday in Navi Mumbai. :D I will also sign a petition along with 100 other iyers from the ahobali madam to call it 'iyer-day'

APOO said...

I would rather celebrate Mika's birthday by kissing women.... and then having the company save me!

Anonymous said...

@apoo: ROFL that was a good one!!!

I fully endorse this post except for the last point and urge the powers that be to take the Iyer Report very seriously adding Apoo's suggestions!

Good one!!!! :))

IdeaSmith said...

What's this....you're engaged and no announcement on it on the blogsphere???????

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