Thursday, August 17, 2006

Idly with Iyer…

Following the success of chat shows on the lines of " Koffee with Karan" and "Rendezvous with Simi Garewal", we have decided to travel on the same lines and have a talk show of our own. And surprisingly (not surprised haan?) we have decided to call it " Idly with Iyer".

 

There is a tremendous logic that has gone behind the naming of this show. It has been named in such a way that it has both global and South Indian appeal. The name is such that Van Damne would think that this show is about sitting and idling and killing the time away whereas back home, Vishwanathan must be predicting if they'd serve Molaga Podi or Chutney along with the Idly. So in effect, the title itself brings some amount of unpredictability to the show. Now let's look into the nitty gritties of the show.

 

The dress code for the anchor is going to be very colorful; very unlike the plain black and plain white in the above stated shows. The anchor (yours truly) will be wearing designer lungis (checks, lines, lycra all alike) specially designed by world famous designers like Gucci, Tommi Hilfiger, Armani, Versace etc. Adding contrast to lungis will be contrasting baniyans from world famous brands like Rupa, Amul, Sando etc.

 

Similarly the sets would be decorated with plantain trees & coconut trees . We'd also have bright and shiny kanjeevaram sarees for curtains. Top it off with kolam (rangoli) made on the floor and a well made NIRAPARA on top of the kolam. So there… the set looks just perfect for the show to begin.

 

The guests would be welcomed to the soft beats of nadaswaram and panchavadyam. They would be then provided with chukku vellam and coconut water as their welcome drinks. Add to that their welcome snacks in the form of the kerala halwa (or haluva as they like to call it) and banana chips. We are sure by the time all these things have traveled into their tummies, they'd have no place for any Idlys and the host would get to have all of them for himself. *evil grin*

 

This would be followed by the guests being put to the torture of answering a spate of questions put forward by the host. And NO!!! There would be no prompts in form of cue cards or moving questions behind the camera. All questions would be extempore. Sample questions here are given…

 

Host: Do you have kids?

Guest1 : Yes

Host : Oh Good!!! Are you married?

Guest1 : *ONE TIGHT SLAP*

 

Director : *cut cut* #@$%##%#%^%^%… next time do it the other way round…

 

Host : Are you married?

Guest2 : No

Host : Very well… How many kids do you  have?

Guest2 : *One Tight Chamaat*

 

Director : *cut cut* arey kaun leke aaya yaar is #$^%$%#% ko?

 

Err… err… let's leave this part at that and move on to the next one…

 

Then we have the "Formality Quickfire Round " where we use concepts like word matching, match the following, fill in the blanks, True or False (all stolen from leaked question papers of Std. 1 – 5). This would help us fathom the IQ level of the guests thus exposing their "so called" intellect (or the lack of it) to the public at large.

 

Lastly we have the formality of signing on Idly's. Idly's that were prepared a week before and which have hardened into something more hard and sturdy than a golf ball will be used for this purpose. The guests will be asked to sign on the hard & sturdy Idly with a marker pen and will be stored on a strategic banana leaf decorated with chutney, molaga podi and sambhar.

 

Then we roll out credits where we thank the Communist Government of Kerala, & AIADMK Government of Tamil Nadu for not interfering with the programme, contents or the producers and directors of the program thus making it a success in terms of production and screening.

 

Followed by blacking out (of the screen… and not to mention… your minds)

 

adios…

 

PS: Coming to your screens shortly… So you better break your TV set with immediate effect… and then don't come back to us stating that we didn't warn you beforehand…

19 comments:

dodo said...

:)
Armani Lungi - yuk...yuk, gross!

Another sample conversation:
Host: Are you married?
Guest3: Yes, my mommy found a nice girul for me /*shy smile*/
Host: Aawww, so do you have any kids?
Guest3: No, not yet /*another shy smile*/
Host: Why, don't you want to be a member of the Married-to-produce-children league? You know, people in India live/die to get into this elite group.
Guest3: ???.. I'll have to ask mommy about this.

Now, I was thinking how would "Gongura pickle with Gulti" be? It might be somewhat risky as the studio might catch fire, unless you make them sit on big blocks of ice ;)

SCRIBBLEZ TO WAKEUP said...

I want this show, I want this show!! Someone get me this channel...I also want to be featured..Please idly Iyer consider to have me in your show...Reasons why I qualify would be :

1) My ass-istant will provide all the marks card

2) I love haluva, luv it

3) I make hard Idlis so I want to see other hard ones and better still sign on them as I love to sign.

4) Also, dont you personally think you have asked me such questions off the screen....??

:) :) Gud one..Lungis, n sarees n the set is zimbply guood! :)

the pooh said...

ROFL that was awesome... i lahuuu idlis and i lahuu lungis i mean men who wear lungis:P

vibhor said...

hello sir,
your show will going to rock people definetly and please include me inur audience seat if not on the hot seat...

KJ said...

Simbly superrrb idea iyer saar.....

waiting for the show to hot oops hit the screeennn with lungis n kanjeevarams

Lola Kutty look out.. u getting a tough competition soonn...

SIMBLY SUPERBBB idea iyer sarrr

:)


KJ

SportSnob said...

full of cliches but hilarious! good stuff. Who is going to be the first guest!?

Kautilya said...

Well.. dude... reminds me of Lola kutti....

BTW.. RAHUL and ATUL can b ur first guests... those poor chaps are contemplating suicide... coz of my company.. may b u can help em.. I do believe in mercy killings.. and I am for it surely...

All Time hit man.. All Time hit....
great Idea...

IdeaSmith said...

Khee khee....can't wait to watch it! How about inviting Lola Kutty as a guest anchor?

Akshay said...

designer lungi... too good!

you cud even have some anniversary episodes like Dosa with Duraipandian.. with an intro that'd go like...
"My name's Pandian... J Duraipandian!" :)

Living in Unreality said...

hey if you ever decide that guests are allowed on your show..I would pay with an arm and a leg to get there....
please publish an ad and sell tickets !

iyer education said...

@dodo, you think armani wont oblige by designing lungis for us? wait till we have him make a guest picture post on this blog ;)and we'd love to have some gongura pickle to just "spice" things up... what say?

@scribz, just havin an ass-istant (u sure u meant it that way) doesnt qualify you to be on the show... and y do u want to be in it when you claim that you have been already questioned (others: i havent asked any questions like that to her)

@winny, you left out us... dont u lahuuu us... but we are sure that you included us in the "mean who wear lungis" category... right?

@vibhor, yes you will definitely get the aisle seat :)

@KJ, lola kutty is little competition to us... but a good thing that she is warned... and we'd like to monopolise the show by marrying her... what say? lola u listening?

@sportsnob, we'd say simi garewal and karan johar... they'd make a great couple in black and white to cut the red ribbon :)

@kautilya, we wont have dukhis like RAHUL and ATUL on the show... u surely know the full form of RAHUL and ATUL or do u need any form of clarification on that :D

@idea, why you kicking on poor man's stomach (read this in hindi)... lola can only be a guest on this show :D

@akshay, we will implement them in some of the shows... although we had planned idlis wrapped in foil for silver jubilee :)

@living in unreality, plijj do not amputate ur arm and leg... we will give you entry without any need for that... though we'd love some cash or cheque for the entry... we can negotiate that when it comes to it ;)

Kautilya said...

no clarifications reqd dude...
Just a censored version of ATUL - All Time Udas "Ladka".
"Ladka" has and must to be replaced by soemthing more sensible...
Rahul is more dukhi than Atul 4 sure...

and well... truly no place 4 dukhis on ur show... and this world too... thats why I talked bot mercy killin....

keep em comin nigga keep em comin...

iyer education said...

bang on target brotha...

RAHUL is Really And Horribly Udaas "Ladkaa"

APOO said...

i AM LATE ON THIS TO COMMENT, BUT HILARIOUS BHAI!

i AM STARTING A APPAM WITH APOO NOW!

Lakshmi said...

We do not own a TV set, and with promise of Idly with Iyer, I swear, we will NEVER succumb to any temptation of the idiot box ever in this life, or next, or the one after !
Hilarious article ! But not too far removed from reality, I am sure.

silverine said...

Those dialogues were hilarious!!!

Why Am I said...

onllyyy u can come up with this and get away with it!!haha...btw can i co - host the show?

Lord of all Things said...

yayyy!! imb back!!!!! and i blogged!!!!! party!!!

Rashmi Bansal said...

This is very funny.. could we print the same in JAM magazine, with credits to you and your blog ?

Please let me know asap. regards

Rashmi Bansal
Editor, JAM
www.jammag.com
http://youthcurry.blogspot.com