Friday, June 09, 2006

Football Fahrenheit…

We wouldn’t call it fever because that word’s a cliché and we don’t believe in clichés. So we decided to call it Fahrenheit to be different, and also that it sounds very GERMAN. But on later expedition on Wikipedia, we have discovered that “Fahrenheit actually has its roots in Germany”. So there, everything falls in place just at the right time as today marks the beginning of the world cup 2006 at Germany. And bloody well its going to be a great month ahead.

There… we are through with the formal introductions and all. In football lingo they call it the “Opening Ceremony” or something of that sort, something which we never figured out because of our limited vocabulary. But all that apart don’t you guys think there is something which is very weird here? What is soccer/football doing on Iyer Education? Isn’t that a weird enough question? The answer to it would be that Iyer Education doesn’t really believe in just bookish education. We part worldly knowledge other than just what is printed on books. So there you go. Here are some knowledgeable facts about football, something you'd find only here.

Note: This is not a “Learn Football in 30 Minutes” post. Prior knowledge of the sport, along with necessary safety equipments (to prevent yourself from banging your head on the computer table) is necessary to be able to go through this post, let alone try and even understand it (DON’T EVEN TRY!!!).

We, I, Iyer, Iyest, declare this post on football… OPEN… (eeeks)

What people have to say about Football (WPHTSAF)…

You will be nearer to Heaven through football than through the study of the Bhagavad Gita.” - Swami Vivekananda

Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I assure you, it's much more serious than that.” - Bill Shankly

Our Vishesh Tippani (OVT)

On closer introspection of the first statement, Football in India is a craze in Kolkata and Kerala. Let’s forget Kolkata for the moment, the communist government is still setting themselves up for some action. Kerala (aah.. reminds me of mallu ladiejj) is termed as “Gods Own Country” which in other words is Heaven. So if you are playing football in Kerala or watching football in Kerala or watching people play football in Kerala, then there are chances that you are nearer to heaven, right? See we told you we have highly scientific (but useless) explanations for everything. As far as the second statement is concerned, we don’t know who Bill Shanky is, but read this article in TOI and they tell you how apartheid is deeply etched in football and its fans. So if apartheid is close by then how can death and life be far off with blacks attacking whites and whites attacking blacks? And NO, we are not talking CHESS here… So there…


The South Indian Twist(How could we keep away from this?)

Our sources tell us that renowned Malayalam film maker Adoor Gopalakrishnan (AG) is going to watch this world cup very closely and use the detailings for his upcoming Malayalam film “Bend It Like Ronaldinho”, the shooting for which will commence right after the world cup final match.

On being contacted he (AG) said “The last movie made by some stupid Punjabi was made without any research into the subject and the film had to bomb big time as Beckham never BENT in his entire career. He was STRAIGHT all the time and he proved it time and again with his marriage, kids, and over the counter affairs with ladiejj”.

On asking about the star cast for his movie, he (AG) had this to say “We are finalizing between Mohanlal (who is in the process of shedding 107.2 kilos) and Kiera Knightley for their close resemblance to Ronaldinho and hence both are the forerunners for the main role. If things get tough then we may have both of them and have a double-role in the movie, which would be a TWIST in itself. But that’s a secret that I cant reveal now

We just hope that, AG has all his research in place before he decides to make a movie of that sort and wish his upcoming movie all success and luck.


Our Favourites
Now everybody seems to like Brazil, England & Germany to be the favourites to win the world cup. But we are sure that all their expectations will come crashing down like the BSE Sensex. The reason you’d ask. Sure… they haven’t done any of their number crunching before arriving at their favourites. But fret not, we have done it before arriving at our favourites. So here they are. Please do not reveal the secret behind the numbers to anyone else (or they’d kill you for chewing their brains). *** The numbers aren’t audited yet… ***

Second Favourite: Togo – Reason – Population = 5.43 Million which is the exact number of people on an average Mumbai local excluding the driver and the guard.

First Favourite Trinidad & Tobago – Reason – Population = 1.10 Million, which is the exact number of people on the 8:11 local, including the driver and the guard.

See, we told you we have done the number crunching…

So there… enjoy your soccer with rains and a hot cuppa KAAPI or a cold cuppa BEER… We are sure you wouldnt prefer it the otherway round, hot beer just sucks.

And a final warning... Just don’t let the ladies watch any of the ‘K’ serials. The timings of certain matches clash with the ‘K’ serials. So fight it out for your soccer and remember to turn the heat on… Happy Soccerring…


adios…

6 comments:

Kautilya said...

May be u must link it to ur previous post and start converting every one...
coz futbol is a religion...

Dude ur obsession with the mallu ladiejj is a worth while point to be noted...

Those are some very important quotes from swami n bill...

And on the Phinal waarning thing... yeah... snatch that remote from the ladiejjj logh.. even if that means u ending up sleeping on the couch... the entire World cup season!!!

SCRIBBLEZ TO WAKEUP said...

HAhhhhha...Timings clash with K serials..Wht if a Mallu ladiey watches the K serial...and if you ban her from that she banns you, would you choose the Mal ladiey or the football?

If Mohanlal has to losse 100 over kgs, wht is his weight now? 500...Does your insider give any info on tht??

Ok I am stopping with killing questions!
Tada!

APOO said...

happy Soccering.

is happy participating in Soccer?

bird used to be a good goalie when he was a kiddo!

iyer education said...

~koutilya~ good idea... will give everyone a soccerhood... ur brimming with great ideas :)

~scribz~ do not shoot questions... we'd prefer to see penalty shootouts rather than question shootouts

~apoo~ bird goalie? no way...

HP said...

Why isn't Australia in the fav list??

Their population is no match for one of our Bombay suburbs :-)

Cheers,
HP

Known Stranger said...

i am enjoying your sarcasim