Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Conv-iy-ersion…

It is about time that people take Iyers very seriously. We don’t know about other Iyers but it’s about time that people take us (I, Iyer, Iyest) seriously. We think we have been taken for granted and the Iyer community is being made fun of. All of this in spite our honest attempts to provide Iyer Education to each and every one of you and in the process help you understand the “Iyer Meaning of Your Life”. Pfft… whatever happened to honesty wonesty and all…

So, we here at Iyerospace have decided to have a firm stand regarding instilling Iyer values amongst its readers and have decided to have a process of “Organized Conviyersion” to convert all its readers into thoroughbred Iyers of the first order.

Now before we decide to get into grosser details, let us tell you upfront that this “Conviyersion” will only be converting your values and not your religion. Your religion will remain what it was, because we believe that religion and all other things are to be displayed only on your birth certificate, passport and all other places where you are judged by your religion. Here at Iyerospace we judge you by your values which have to be Iyer ones. And we don’t think there is anything wrong adopting Iyer values as it will take you to Iyer pinnacles in life.

We have heard that “Organized Conversion” is not good and it has to be stopped and could be deemed illegal. So we have changed the word to “Organized Conviyersion” so that we cannot be sued/shooed in any court of law. That’s our legal cover. So that’s about it. Now we look at how do we “Conviyert” your thoughts and values into the Iyer thoughts and values. For this let us look at some forms/tactics of conversion (We always do inspiyered work… and we always internalize our procedures)Religion name and other details have been kept undisclosed to prevent communal riots on this blog.



One of the methods of the schools to make converts is that they offer free education to the local children. They educate them freely for one or two years and then begin charging them for books and clothes. However, if the parents cannot pay the costs, the schools tell them that if they make four or five kids into xxxx, then they do not have to pay the school tuition.

Adopting the above stated method we will charge you per $1 page load, per comment, per everything possible on Iyerospace and if your guys Conviyert yourselves, you will be charged nothing. We are sure at least 2 will be Conviyerted… okay at least one… none? Alright we will start with Conviyerting the director of Iyer Education... Just like the famous quote of olden days "Conviyersion Begins At Home"...




Another method is to lure the people (especially the poor and the deprived) with food, delicacies, luxuries and all other possible things which were otherwise outside the reach of these people on the condition of converting themselves to a particular religion

Hmmm…. So what do we do here… On the blog we can provide you links to free porn, free erotic stories, free live web cam feeds, free voyeur videos and lot of other free things on the condition that you all Conviyert yourselves. We believe this is a much better idea than the previous one (though the existing community members may outcaste us and take away our license for this heinous act… we still are ready to take that risk). How many people can resist gigabytes of free porn? (Target – 13.67 Conviyerts… the 0.67 for someone in confusion)




As per the words of our appa, there were ways where the missionaries used to throw objects in a common well and made statements that if people drank the water from that well, they would be considered as converted into their religion. How many people could have survived without water?

We believe that this method surely must be conceived by a genius. And internalizing this method, we would put some logo on some most visited sites like Google, Gmail, Yahoo and Hotmail and announce that whoever visits this page will be Conviyerted into Iyer Thoughts and Values. We are sure there must be not a single user who must not be visiting any of the above stated sites. This is mass campaigning of Conviyersion. (Target = 118 Million Conviyerts… a very small figure, just to be on the safer side)



Now for the “icing on the cake” or how we Iyers say, “chutney on the Idli”. The best amongst the conviyerts will be taken to the “Periya Vaadhyaar” (Royal Priest) of Iyerospace and the Periya Vaadhyaar will place a banana leaf on the person’s shoulder thus granting him/her Iyerhood, a rare and coveted achievement by anyone (We ourselves are waiting to be touched by the banana leaf and be inducted into this royal club… we have been rejected on the grounds of being parochial and being attached to a particular secret society).

On a more SERIOUS note, nobody achieves anything by changing someone’s religion. The ones are committing a greater crime by taking advantage of someone’s deprivations and thus using it as an opportunity to convert. When everyone proclaims that all path lead to one destination/one god, who gives you the right to change someone’s path, that too at your behest? Religions mean nothing when compared to humanity. Try and be more humane to people and spread the word of love and humanity.

(Top Secret… None of the above applies to us… So the plan of Conviyersion is still ON… so select your medium of Conviyersion as per your preference)

adios…

5 comments:

HP said...

oh..What has happened to Iyer?
Getting serious and all!!! :-)

Have to agree with you Iyer to a certain extent over here. If one is doing a public service, do it as a service and not as a means to lure ppl to change their religion.

btw, needless to add the post was quite funny :-)

and haan, I have been Conviyerted :-)

Cheers,
HP

Demi Goddezz said...

uh oh
i was gonna convert u too :P but nwo that uve written this post chal ...i used to have this group in college back in india where the girls formed prayer groups and what not..and all of them were hindus and got secretly baptised without their families knowing about it..was a scary thing to see the number of girls in the group as the time went by...

Kautilya said...

A very well written post.. very funny indeed but drives home the point!

Only the mentally weak or the folks with a weak faith can be converted...

yeah the SERIOUS note is damn serious...
Its not the crime but the sin aspect also comes into the picture. All goddam religions in the world but for sanathana dharma says to spread the religion and don't stop... so u c there BMR(Basic Mein Raada) in those religions, which leads to all sorts of conflicts that screws up lives of peace loving folks.
If some reader thinks I am a Hindutva or a hardcore fundamentalist... then hell yeah... I am!

SCRIBBLEZ TO WAKEUP said...

Your second pinter for converting ot an IOyer may have appeal compared to the others!! Target audience you see..

The convertion gets to me all the time...I know tht in Kerala there is this entire conspiract gng on...You have a guy or a gal from another religion with names very Hindu n then they fall in love with Hindu women n then get them preggie, not saying tht the entire blame id the guys...Then they say, you got to convert n then only I can marry u...This has happened to so so so so so many people n is a big business...I would like to shoot such people...It just a crazy mess n comming from Kerala where everyone has bein glured to convert, I feel the pinch...Oops...some one added more salt to the curry!!! Even in East India, the convertions are so tremendous tht Hindus have almost become a minority...And in all they say it is convertion on free will...Do they have a free will or a mind to decide or the ability...Most of these people know nothing n they know all the spiritual activities n then get so enlightened tht they all convert...Give me a break! Also there r many who say tht if their needs r met,like in cash n kind...then why not allow the convertion....If they r being uplifted from the feet level untouchable level n given more "ststus" in society, why not....
I dont know wht to really tell them or the advertising pundits but am glad we dont advocate this method, or do we?

Sorry, spoke a lot!
Good Post Iyer...I shal lconvert as you bought some thing up which I didnt really have the guts to bring out!

iyer education said...

~HP~ since you are the first one to comment i will make sure that you get the Iyerhood also :)

~winny~ so we also have silent, jhol jhaal waala conversion also haan? thanks for enlightening us... and thanks for not converting us, although we would be very happy to know if you want to be CONVIYERTED or not?

~koutilya~ shaant (micheal) BAALAK... cool down... humanity is above every religion... let us preach that :)

~scribz~ u sure u converting... dhammal... pliss to do at your freewill only :)