Friday, June 30, 2006

Contact Centiyer...

We at Iyerospace believe in the fundamental right of equality. To start with, South Indians should be given equal rights with all the Americans, the British and all other foreign nationals. Why you may ask? Because they deserve them… How you may ask? Because we say so… simple…

The simplest way to make south Indians equal to the other counterparts is to start a contact center that is focused on servicing the South Indians. And we call it as " Contact Centiyer" (if you haven't guessed it by now then "happy realization").

The concept is very simple. Like the existing contact centers, we'd hire every possible Indian from every zone except the south zone (have you heard US contact centers hiring Americans to work for it). Once the hiring is done, great efforts would be spent in "accent" training so that the Southies who call in feel the ease in communication and do not feel that they are talking to some aliens from Jhumri Talaiya. And once this arduous task is done, we proceed with the normal contact center training, which is focused at irritating the caller to the core by asking stupid and unnecessary questions thus delivering great experience to the southie callers. And here are certain snippets of the communication at this contact center… Stay back… enjoy and have some fun…

Call 1:

Caller (C): Hellow, this is Chandrasekhara Babu Reddy calling and I need information on some tasty hyderabadi Biryani.

Executive (E): Sorry saar, as per our records Babu Reddy's are from AP and you have chosen the wrong menu and have reached the kannada zone.

C: But I thaaat all south Indians are yentertained heyer

E: Yes sar, you aar rrright, but you selected the wrong menew. I will trrransfer you back to the mayan menew and you press 2 and 2 to reach AP zone. Please hold the line and thank you for calling South Yindia Condact Zone. Haaav a good day saar .

Call 2:

C: Heylew… Thisss isss Unnikrishan Panicker calling… Iyy need zome info on Kozhikode Meen (Fish) Fry

E: Thengew vairry much saare… For zegurity reazzons can I haav the last four aalphaabets of yuvar naadu (village)

C: Yit yis "ooor". (2 out of 3 villages in kerala end with 'ooor')

E: Thengew vaiiry much saare… but this returned lyot of resssults… hundret aand tyondy to be precise… caan I haav the first four aalphaabets of yuvar naadu ?

C: But why should it maattar… I yam colling from gelfWogay… Yit Yis… "Maam"

E: The resssults have wonly naarowed down by tyolve… thaat meansss still hundred aand yeight are laft… Can I have the pincode saare… Daat way yit yis easssssier

C: Leave it da patti (dog)… in syo mech time I caaan go to kozhikode, get the meen disssshh and come back… you stewpidd peopull

E: Thengew saare for colling South Yindia Condaact Sone. Haav a goodj daay.

Call 3:

C: Heylo, thisss yis Krishnamurthy Varadarajan Iyer kaaaling… I want some info on the next amavasai dates

E: Thangew saar, but for security reasonsssss, kaan you tell me if yuvar Krishnamurthy with a 'y' or Krishnamurthi with an 'i'?

C: Krishnamurthy with yay 'Y'… clearaa?

E: Yes saar… The next ammavaasai date faaals tomorrow saar

C: Thaang you

E: Saar, would you like to subssscribe to our new offer on carnatic YUMPHEETHREE songs… It's free for the first year… Do you waaaant me to give you dedails

C: Thaang you da kanna… I listen to DEEP PURPLE… thaangs but no thaangs… (Hangs up)

After lot of strenuous efforts, we managed to reread the above and we have decided to call the idea quits for the betterment of the south Indian community. Thengew vaiiiry much for putting up with an idea that never works in the first place…

adios…

PS: This is the work that we are doing right now in our new workplace :)… and going by the trend in the first couple of days here… working here should be fun we'd say…

7 comments:

SCRIBBLEZ TO WAKEUP said...

this is a skin tickler..Man was very funny...Do write more man!

Why Am I said...

hehe.mees always laughts out loud when reading..no esception this...shud avoid reading it at office coz ppl think am mad to laugh looking at the comp screen!

Madhu said...

How do u do it with every post? Cant still stop laughing.......:)

Like they say,

"Kalakitta Kanna!"

Kannan Raman said...

is that called self critisicing? besh besh romba nanna iruke. innum naalu line ezhudhapadadhada ambi

KJ said...

ROTFL!!!!
IYER saar..... u funny man...
your posts bring a smile even on a very tough day...
"KANK KEW"
:-)

KJ

iyer education said...

~scribz~ thengew... u want me to write more... u sure thought abt world peace and sanity?

~why am i~ try putting your monitor off and then laugh on the screen... see what reactions u get

~madhu~ thangew

~kannan~ self criticising? howcome? and to write four more lines i would need to spend another year in exile...

~kj~ tough day? kaun hai woh kambhakt? jaake mera gmail id de aur phir usko itna pakayega ki uska headache terese zyaada ho jaayega!!!

Kautilya said...

"Thaang you da kanna" & "Leave it da patti" too good mate.... ROTFL!