Thursday, May 04, 2006

Resiyervations…

First up; a moment of silence for the sad demise of Pramod Mahajan. We believe that he was one of the more charismatic personalities in Indian Politics and he really deserved a better future in Indian Politics.

Back to crap business. One of the hottest news that is doing circles in Indian news papers is the issue of reservation. The issue of reservation in education and employment. We are not the kind to follow news on a regular basis… for…

  1. Our lack of interest in reading and

  2. Sameera’s pics not appearing daily on newspapers.

But all that apart. We still have my own views about reservation. But we will refrain from giving our views on the same. Why? Because this is no serious blog to have views and counterviews and all that crappola. Our knowledge about reservation policies are all scattered and in total tidbits. Let us share them with you, in case you are looking for something worthwhile to read around here.

{Start Serious Session}

The earliest that I had heard about reservation was The Mandal Commission. Then it was followed by a spate of judgements passed by Justice Jahagirdar(JJ) where this JJ guy revised all the fee structures of all Management/Engineering/Medical colleges and the new fee structures were more favourable towards the reserved categories. And now, students protesting both online and offline against increase in reserved categories in IIT’s, IIM’s and certain other central universities.

{End Serious Session}

Now back to business… err err… or the lack of it…

This post isn’t about taking sides. We dont take sides. (We walk right through the middle causing traffic jams and accidents) It is about the formal announcement of recommendations of this new commission called the “Iyer Commission” made by us. The recommendations are made towards the “Resiyervation” issues and the need for resiyervation for the south Indians. When everyone is jumping into the reservation bandwagon how can the southies then stay behind? They too have decided to “haath dhofy when the ganga is behing” and decided to come up with resiyervation policies for themselves. So here it goes. The list of recommendations by the “Iyer Commission”.

The recommendations outline the set of industries / activities / actions and all other possible verbs where resiyervation is required. A word of caution for all the non-south-Indians; please forget the following popular quote “All South Indians Are Madrasis”. There… now we can proceed with the areas where we suggest resiyervations.

Eating
We suggest that 40% of the vegetables be resiyerved for us. We wouldn’t like to end up in uncomfortable situations where we end up eating only curd and rice because all other things are variants of some meat or the other. We also want 42% resiyervation in idli/dosa batter so that these can be put to constructive use when we need to snack and not end up eating anything with “pav”. Filter coffee to be used exclusively by us and can be rented/hired to other communities for royalty.

Bollywood
We are sick and tired to see a dearth of “south Indian superstars” in Bollywood. A once in 15 years inspector-mohanlal-with-thick-mallu-accent is not acceptable to us by any standards. We need that every Bollywood movie (of all grades from A-Z) should have atleast one shuuupershtaaar from down south to represent us. We should have resiyerved rights to display our artistic skills to a wide array of people around the world and make money out of the largest movie churning Bollywood fillum industry.

Cricket
L Balaji, T Yohanan & Dinesh Kaarthick being in and out of the team, regardless of whether they perform or not is not acceptable to us. Therefore we demand that the Indian cricket team have atleast 2 people as south Indians and atleast 1 in the playing 11. We also demand that atleast one of the selectors to be a southie and one of the top notch members in BCCI be a southie. I mean all these guys minting money without a single paisa percolating down south is not a good thing you see. 2011 world cup in India coming up… Be prepared all you southies to make the most out of the opportunity that would be given to you

Politics
The only way to restore people’s confidence back into politics would be to have seats resiyerved for southies. 1/7th of the seats of Loksabha and Rajyasabha need to be resiyerved for southies. The assemblies from which these guys would be selected need not necessarily be south. It can be North North East also. In addition to the above, one of either the PM or the Prez should be a southie. The nation is then in safe hands I say.

I think this ultra-micro-mini-list would do for the first-cut rough draft. The detailed list is being made and will be submitted to the Home Minister for review and then presented in the parliament for passing this bill and then making this as an act. If you are lucky enough to have read this, do remember that this is a landmark recommendation in the field of resiyervation… and do not forget… you read it first on Iyerospace.

adios…

13 comments:

Why Am I said...

hahah ....shhuupperr:)...have thot abt joining the iyer commission...tho comeon dont be biased..just make it the "people who have no reservations" commission

raxterize said...

What?? you forgot the ultimate Shuupershtaar Shanthakumaran Sreesanth !! As a Nair, I take strong umbrage to this dreadful omission. Kindly be making amends and rectify yimmediately.

Why Am I said...

p.s. Mes gonna link ur blog...u see its easier to just clik a link:)..

d4u said...

Hahaha..hiliyerious:p!!! Actually variants in idli/dosa batter are needed..bored of eatin the same old thing:p In cricket, if the southie cricketers are not playing then reservations should be given in naariyal paani brand endorsements;)

SCRIBBLEZ TO WAKEUP said...

Hihihi...U had your reserved post about reservations...The food reservation is simply rocking.....All Suthies r madarasis..I am tired of it....Only silk smitha and Rajnikanth are talked about...Its crazy..Fundoo post Iyer! :)

Sensorcaine said...

Lol.Lol.(twice- following the basic guidelines you had mentioned when it came to sobbing)and LOL (for added effect). eagerly awaiting the final draft,so it can be signed by fellow iyers as co-petitioners

Demi Goddezz said...

i dont see my name mentioned? ugh im so upset :P fundoo post as always

iyer education said...

who am i: you found this post biased? you think caring about fellow south indians is biased? naah... it is in pure humour and i also dont believe in reservation... i would prefer RAC & WL ;)

raxterize: shuupershtaar sreesaanth has a place in the team and i dont think he needs reservation by any chance... and please dont use offensive words like umbrage in comments section... for me offensive is something which i cant understand ;)

who am i (still dont know who you are?): you can also try and bookmark on IE or mozilla... what say?

d4u: nariyal paani and idli dosa are natural extensions to the southie cricketers... although this has got nothing to do with previous posts... actually nothing on iyerospace has anything to do with anything... *confused and leaves the comment at that*

scribz: i think you have disgregarded rajni and smitha by not preceding their names with "shupershtaar"... i take offence in that and i want you to say sorry to them... :)

sensorcaine: you forgot the perfect square and prime number aspect to the number of repetitions of LOL's and SOB's... though repetition can be modified to co-petition and you can be one of them once the entire draft is ready... okay enuff pakaoing :)

winny: your name mentioned for what? condolences? or reservation ;)

HP said...

hehe..Good Post Mate!!

btw, you could have also made a recommendation that 40% of beautiful girls should go out with Southie boys??
Will it be taking this too faaarrr??

Cheers,
HP

SCRIBBLEZ TO WAKEUP said...

Iyer: No wayz...Me not saying sorry to them!!!!naaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh...not even to humor the ocassion..please dont ask me to do tht!! :(

Cloudy said...

Hehehe! How about resiyervation for post of Hindi professor? Knowledge of Hindi not essential, but is a plus.
And reseriyervation in Punjabi dhabhas. Knowledge of making chole batura not essential, but will be a plus.

PS: Not meaning to demean people who don't know hindi or chole batura, just keeping in with the spirit of reservations :)

iyer education said...

HP: in that case, we should also include "make out" along with "go out" in the same clause... that should be fun naa? (not the upcoming movie yaar)

Scribz: Ego!!! Super Ego!!! No No, I am not going to discuss "Id, Ego, Super Ego" HR Theory here... all i would request is to reconsider... sigh!!!

Cloudy: the only language that is popular with southies these days is JAVA (so many IT guys from down south)... so i guess we need reservation there... Chole Bhature... naah we rather have 100% reservation on sambhar and avial and rent the recipes out on royalty :)

Why Am I said...

haha nono...i love the idea of ur iyer commission..like i said i wud defff join it..wud be treasurer probably;)...