Friday, May 26, 2006

Reservation Redux!!!

Firstly there was a fictional post on Resiyervation which asked for some reservation for south Indians. Now comes the factual part. Since everybody is talking about the Da Vinci Code, which is a concoction of fact and fiction, Iyerospace has decided to cash in on the same funda and make a good mixture of fact and fiction. Since the fiction part is already rolled out, its now time to roll out the facts. Not exactly the facts, but some thing that could actually be facts in the future to come.

Some of you would ask us, how could we refer this post as a post about facts. For once, we have decided to spell reservation as it is and not as resIYERvations… and secondly, we are giving you guarantee that the things/incidents that we are narrating, though currently not existing will exist in the future and hence they are futuristic facts. Now in case you guys are still clueless, do understand that it’s very natural to be clueless on Iyerospace. So you can go ahead and read the rest of the post.

Firstly let me thank the “Shri Ram Gang” (SRG) for initiating this discussion on the 8:11 local and thus giving me an idea of making this post. Most of the ideas stated herein are a mix-mash of our ideas and the SRG ideas. Now that we are done with the felicitation ceremony, let’s move ahead and look at reservations from a future perspective. We mean, what reservation would mean to other fields other than the currently debated education field. Here goes the list… Read it at your own risk…

  • Olympics: The Olympics team that the country represents will have a healthy mix of Reserved (R) *** and Non Reserved (NR) players and administrators. But the catch here is that a bronze medal earned by an R player would be equal to gold. Similarly just participation certificates earned by R players would be equal to bronze medals. This, we are sure, is one fool proof way to better the medals tally for India (which currently stands at 1 medal every Olympic for the past 20 years or so)
  • Cricket: The cricket team will also have a healthy mix (I don’t find any other alternative for healthy, so please cope) of R & NR players. And applying the current logic of our PM, we can actually have 22 players playing in Team India instead of 11. We can thus cover all our fielding loopholes and not to mention have the “deepest” batting order with the tail not in sight at all. Also the R players have to be bowled thrice to be out once, have to bowl 3 wides/no balls to be counted as 1 etc can be added benefits to the team. We are sure, with this kind of system in place, Ricky Ponting and his team would be on their way down already.
  • Advertisements: So we have 11 cricketers in a team Samsung ad or have 10 kids in whirlpool ad. Henceforth all the characters in advertisement will have a healthy mix (again) of R and NR categories. And the characters should be equally given importance so that the R category doesn’t get sidelined (or side-kicked) for that matter. The same goes for movies and other forms of visual media. After all, everyone needs to share the limelight equally.
  • Law (Breaking): This is one area where the R class people will have the best of facilities, so to speak. Three offences by an R class member will be equal to one offence from an NR class member. This rule will extend to offences like jumping red lights, thefts, robbery, dacoitery to more advanced offences like drug trafficking, murder, attempt to murder, conspiracy, organized crimes etc. We are sure that this is one GREAT way to reduce the hugely growing and uncontrollable population problem.
  • Travel: The current differentiation of classes like first and second class for trains, business and economy class for planes etc will all be a passé. The new classification will be R and NR class where seats will be reserved for R category separately. And apart from seats reserved for ladies, old age and handicapped people in buses we could also see seats reserved for the ‘reserved’ just for kicks. Moreover, using the current logic, if an R person is very lucky or very early or both, he could get a ticket in the NR class but we are not sure if the vice versa is possible. We just wish that our ‘window seat’ in the 8:11 local doesn’t get reserved… We like it very much :-(
And finally…
  • Blogging: We are quite sure that, if, this trend continues like this, we would have great amount of reservations in Blogs too. It would be in the form of having a healthy mix of R & NR members in your blog roll, moderating your comments in such a way that one’s comment section has a mix-mash of R & NR category comments, and also having an equal mix of posts from both the R and the NR category. Phew… what a nightmare?


*** Currently pegged at around 53% (which makes the general category as more of a reservation) and will change with the rules and regulations brought by some commission or our own HRD ministry.

These are just a few avenues that could fit into our tiny lil head where reservation could find an entry and get itself all comfy and all. We urge you to come up with other possible avenues in the comments section.

Everyone including us is looking for a day when India would be number one in the world and we are sure that the sure-shot way of achieving the same would be through reservations? Sahi bola na baap?

adios…

18 comments:

HP said...

And then there will be reservations for making comments :-)

btw, you changed the template.. Kinda liked the earlier one.

But, this one is easier on the eyes, so no complaints..
Probably will get used to the new one :-)

Cheers,
HP

Kautilya said...

fuck democracy.... fuck the electorate... and fuck the voters...

India needs a Dictator.. oops... Dictatiyer....

I have pilaans fellow iyer.....

ganty said...

nice template...i need to change mine.. where did u get it?? bought it under the R or NR quota?

SCRIBBLEZ TO WAKEUP said...

Hihihihi.....I was thinking which one I like the best and coul dnot come up with one as each one of them r reserved to be just hillarious and very pointful too...Esp the Olympics...Even if those guys r caught on some steroids, they have to be exempted...R hai nah....Aur phir, when it comes to taking the GMAT etc , we have to have a quota for the R...They should just have to answer one question in all....Maybe the question is about ticking which caste they belong to...Ok I am being silly here and copying too, but tht is allowed nah Iyer.....Even in exams if r is seen copying, it has to be ignored as it is R....Ofcourse, not r's are like tht but the Netas make them look so...Moreover, this is a funny post so everything I write is funny...I dont want R or NR arrest please...:)

Demi Goddezz said...

template badiya ...yaar these reservations and what not.. not a good system.. u talk baout democracy and reserve seats? so where did the democracy go..

but anyways hoping for a brIYgtER ..future..

and stop yelling on the phone..im not deaf:P

Why Am I said...

hehe hope there is no rule that says every house shud comprise of a "healthy" mix of R's and NR's...tere post ko minister ne padhliya to usko ideas mil jaayenge....

Mukund Iyer R. said...

Nice one. I wrote something on the same topic.
-Cheers
Mukund

the wannabe indian punkster said...

PWOP members are above the mundane trivialities of reservation and such.

But we prefer being favored over TOT members. Its a question of obvious superiority see?

*runs away, dodging anything that might be thrown at her by TOT members*

:P

iyer education said...

~HP~ ye to meine socha hi nahi tha... saala with that in place i wont be able to spam the blogs with my useful(useless to be accurate) tippanis... thanks for the advanced warning...

~Koutilya~ shaant baalak... (thats how they pacify the angry german footballer michelle ballak :P)... dicatiyer? hahahaha... you lead and i follow :D

~ganty~ hahaha... but i dont fall under any category... and you can pick it (the template) up from blogger templates, the link for which you will find on the notice board...

~scribz~ since you have given the most amt of suggestions, i will add you to the reserved list, you deserve to have more facilities and the best and the easisest way would be to be "reserved"

~winny~ briyter future is what you will get... and how on earth do you expect me to know if am yelling or not when i am drunk :P

~mukund~ thengew :)

~punkster~ YA RIGHT!!! you at PWOP members are all above the piddly reservation issues, my foot... if you are then take the 'W' (women) out of your secret society and allow entry for everyone... you have a society for only women and say you dont believe in reservation... i always suspected PWOP's to be hypocrites... i think i am right :P

lord of all things said...

ayya!! sooper template.. yannd i lou the director:D on ur side bar!!

the wannabe indian punkster said...

oho...twitty TOT member....we represent the 'lost ones' see? That is why ONLY women are allowed.

and also do I sense a hint of jealousy at being rejected by PWOP?

yuvar PWOP application is still weeth us, oh TOT member.

muahahahahahahaha.

Madhu said...

Good one! Hmm a healthy mix of R and NR in every field.......not difficult to imagine :)

iyer education said...

~lord~ welcome back... and i thought i would make some changes to make life easier for the external faculty... and pliss not to get into any affairs with that director, he is teaching the class :P

~punkster~ now you are finding hajaar reasons for proving your point with women and reservation... and i dont plan any gender change to get into PWOP so you can throw away my application :P

~madhu~ how abt adding NRI to the list? then we have reservation to the tune of 176%... hehe... what say?

Why Am I said...

ok whats this tick mark against some names??

The Comic Project said...

Enna da...new template? What happeneds? Old was good :-s

100 years later..we will have re-reservation or reverse reservation or de-reservation ... so don't worry :-)

I think the tickmark means that we get reservation or we dont get reservation..Jaldi batao

Do you know this story? It was in TOI citylights(?) some years ago. Don't know verbatim but this is what it looked like.

During the 60s, the Shiv Sainiks were out to get all lungis because they took all the jobs and left the "locals" with nothing. Apparently, they randomly went about terrorizing the poor lungis who are known to be timid, mind your own business types. Instances of lungis being beaten up or harassed was frequent (dont know frequency).

Now in Matunga, there was this doctor called IYER who had a dispensary. The Sena goons were out to create some trouble and were breaking up anything that looked remotely lungi. DR.IYER saw them from a distance coming towards his dispensary and decided to protect himself.

Strangely, his dispensary was left untouched by the rampaging sena goons. Do you know why? Dr.IYER quickly managed to write (or paint) and extra "E" in front of his name which made him look like DR.IYERE (very local) instead of DR.IYER :-)

iyer education said...

~why am i~ the ticks indicate visited links...

~TCP~ firstly LOL at the explanation of Tick... and if i had been the doc then i would have erased the fullstop and the I between Dr Iyer and make it read "Dryer" :D

IyengarChick said...

Came upon u'r blog tis was quite a quinky dink. Being a mumbaikar settled now in the gujju way of putting it "States". This is quite refreshing from the other so called blogs I have visited.

Being born a Tam Bram myself (no secrets there) cud relate to some of the stuff.

Memoryking said...

Read your blog.Liked it a lot.A caste ist blog.Pity you! Hard to believe people like you exist in this 21st century Here is mine http://www.emotionalzombie.blogspot.com/
"You say, if a student knows a seat is reserved for him he is not going to work towards it. Ask yourself- If a person knows Education is subsidized for his kids, food items are subsidized for him, is he going to work? Isn’t it harming the Economy? Isn’t the highly subsidized education we avail a classic example of social injustice? "