Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Centuiyery…

Mind you, this director, that you can see on the right has become absent minded and all and due to the above stated reason has been appearing on all the jokes on absent minded professors. The reason is that, Iyer Education has already passed 100 posts and the director has done nothing about it. Till the last post the number of posts stood at 102 and with this one it will be 103. And yet, the director hasn’t made any preparations for the Centuiyery (100th) post nor has he done anything special for the same. So here we are at post no 103 and yet no celebrations…

But do not fret, Iyer Education has an idea here… Instead of feeling sorry to let go off post no 100, we will consider this to be a boundary hit by the batsman at the score of 99, thus taking the score to 103 and then rejoicing the century by taking off his helmet, fisting the air and looking at sun god (assuming that it’s a day match) and then the crowd giving that batsman a standing ovation (unless he is Nasser Hussein who needs to ask for being applauded). So please, give Iyer Education a standing ovation (okay you may not… and why do you need to applaud the teacher who teaches crap)…

Anyways… coming back to the Centuiyery scored by Iyer Education, we are looking at the scoreboard to ensure that it reflects the latest score and has the * mark next to our name which signifies that we are “NOT OUT” and that we would continue the flow of posts.

And, there, the umpires take the bails off signifying the “End of Day’s Play” and the entire media members are out to interview the centuiyerion. And we are stealing signals (We internalize our processes from Doordarshan and believe in stealing signals than buying them) from the bestest of all channels ‘Asainet TV’ (the most preferred channel for mallus). So here is the excerpt of what our reporter could understand of what Mr Iyer was trying to tell all the mallu people through “Asainet TV”. The following is a vague translation from Malayalam into English… Please bear with us as the interpreter doesn’t know either proper English or Malayalam.

Please note that the following statements are made in Sachin Tendulkaresque voice ala “Visa Power… Go Get It” or “Boost is the secret of my energy” wala sound and accent…

I am thrilled and overwhelmed at this century and I would like to thank sameera reddy, udita goswami, my neighbours dog, my doodhwaala, my kaamwaali bai, my vadapaav wala, my paanwaala and all other people who are not even remotely connected to me or the centuiyery that I have scored. They all don’t have any contributions for this performance and I thank them for having no contribution or else things could have been worse

This is the second time that I have reached the magical figure hundred, the last time being when the local cops asked me to count the 100 whiplashes that they mercilessly gifted me for eve teasing a middle-aged aunty in my locality. That 100 is still etched in my mind (and my spinal cord) but this one is very special

I especially like the style in which I reached the century. Hitting a boundary at 99 is always special other than Sehwag who completes his century by hitting a sixer when on 94. I will try and reach for the double century in that style” (Damn the forgetful director for not keeping a track of the number of posts…)

If you look closely the score is 103* where the * tells you that I will be back for more. I would look at trying and breaking Lara’s individual record of 501. But as an Indian I would be more than satisfied if I could overhaul the combined Sri Lankan total of 952 (serves them right… saala sablog draw ke liye khelta hai). But that again is a long way to go. I will take one post at a time, screw it to the hilt and then provide it to the readers to puke their guts out. I don’t believe in planning for the long term as I am suffering from hypermetropia and can’t see/foresee anything from a distance

Second lastly, to set the records straight, let me state that I do not play for records. I would be the most happiest if my effort brings about the team’s victory. I believe that team priority is more important than individual landmarks. Thus said, I would like to warn my captain to not declare the blog closed when I am in my 190’s or 290’s or 390’s or else I would not only screw his happiness in public but also get him out of the current playing 11 (the coach is a good friend of mine)

And lastly, let me thank this wonderful audience who cheered (read it as booed for better effect) me across every post that I scored and finding such support when playing away from home ground is always encouraging. You all have been a wonderful audience.

*Cut back to this post*

For all who still are confused with the theme / text / extract / anything of this post, we have tried to celebrate our 100 posts (actually 103 posts… 99 pe boundary… remember) in the narration style of a batsman scoring a century and the way he speaks to the interviewer who is onto getting onto some higher TRP for the channels. If you still haven’t got any clue, it’s alright… it’s but natural to be clueless on Iyerospace. We hope to score a big one… though looking at the pace of it, we would score the second century much slower than what “Mudassar Nazar” scored (he is in record books for scoring the slowest century in test matches)

adios…

16 comments:

Madhu said...

Congrats! Century mubarakho! Expecting many more to come.

Demi Goddezz said...

wah wah...century century ..kya baath hai.. mubarak.. vazhthukkal.. baaki ellam marannu poyi ... and again stop yelling on the phone grrrr

Kautilya said...

centuiyery mubaarak ho....(besides there can be only one Michael Ballak)
awaiting more dude...

very well done indeed! I mean this to the intrepretor, who does not know either English or Malayalam "Properly"!

and hell a a standing owation... to ya!

HP said...

Badhai Ho badhai ho. Century Ki Bahut saari Badhai Ho...

A Standing ovation to the centurion.
Hope no match-fixing was done to reach the century..

Cheers,
HP

Secret Angel 007 said...

Congrats Iyer! Keep them coming!

Cloudy said...

Viyery good, Centuiyerion... hope the astiyerisk continues to be next to the double centuiyery as well :-)

SCRIBBLEZ TO WAKEUP said...

"Ishtam Aiye"....If u managed to tanslate tht...
Nice to know managed a great performance with the 99 and the boundary....Wah, spectacular show...I was standing in ovation at this juncture...You got to go back n see the video of this match...They actually showed me applying mascara when this happened...Only for a second but I was shown....:) :)
congrats Iyero...Go great guns now...:) :)

PS: I didnt mean to steal your thunder...Those camera guys nah...They always take shots of audience people n I was lucky to be there when this historic event happend for u...:) :)

Why Am I said...

too sleepy to read and understandings:):)...but congratulationssssss and celebrationsss....now brin out the daaru and party!!!!

The Comic Project said...

Congrats Iyere

iyer education said...

~madhu~ thengew :)

~winny~ century maarne pe to suna mat... jab dekho sunaati rehti hai... and try and write things good things about me on a notepad and then post a comment instead of forgetting it midway :P

~koutilya~ sure baalak :P i will pass on the compliments to the interpretor and myself :)

~HP~ a little "kheer" & "chikki" taken from a bookie thats all... i am sure that can be surely be ignored like a dead fly in a cup of tea :P

~007~ thengew...

~cloudy(thats how the sky is in mumbai for the last two days)~ i will try and overhaul the srilankan total of 952 with an ' * ' next to the name and without using any of the three 'LIFELINES'

~scribz~ glamour shamour and all haan? and i hate camera guys... they always prefer good looking women to century scoring batsmen... pfft

~why am i~ you already sound total tunned... so no more daroo for you... and you are welcome to the party and will be served samosas and wafers :P

~TCP~ thengew vairry much saar :)

d4u said...

Congrats and heres wishing for many more centuiyeries 2 come!!:)

Nahuatl said...

Congrats man!!

Par ek baat bol... 100 ke chakkar mein apni blog ki template ka... wada paw kyun bana rela hai?
Saara maal idhar ka udhar ho gayela hai!

As If said...

Funnystastic.

Sensorcaine said...

nooru vazhthukal!! here's hoping you celebratedwith chukku vellam and dosai!

the wannabe indian punkster said...

hurrah for iyer's 100th(or 105th?) post!

for once this PWOP member will play nice!

and what happened to your template?

iyer education said...

~d4u~ thengew very much for the good wishes :)

~nayan~ arey woh googlepages mein kuch locha ho gaya tha is liye vada pav ban gayela tha template ka... had to change the entire goddamn template :(

~asif~ thengew fellow fukat brother :)

~sensorcaine~ ru using chukku vellam as a metaphor for daru? if yes then yes i did celebrate it in "quick gun murugun" style... remember... "ORU WHISKY... ORU MASALA DOSAI" :)

~punkster~ PWOP playing nice? antithesis haan? have changed the template now :)