Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Team Southie!!!

Firstly it was a world taken over by madrasis / mallus. Then it followed by madrasi / mallu rockstars. It was then followed by a south Indian fairy tale. Eventually to be followed by madrasi /mallu movies of our choice. Our love for my fellow south Indians has gone from better to best (I don’t know if that’s the right phrase). And I am sure the vice versa must also be true. (Assuming that the vice versa would be fellow south Indians love for us going from bad to worse). It has been a wonderful journey all along. And taking we would like to take this journey forward and develop all the building blocks of a “New World Order”.

  • A new world that is dominated by South Indians.

  • A world where filter kaapi kicks asses of all CCD’s & Starbucks’ et al.

  • A world where burgers have idlis & uttappams in them.

  • A world where food is served on banana leaves.

  • A world where all dishes have coconut in them

  • Etc… etc… etc…

You get the drift right? The list is endless. We will properly draft this list for the MOL (Memorandum of Living) and AOL (Articles of Living) for the non southies to survive in this world. That again is a different post. We need this blog to survive right? We cannot have all our ideas into one post like Sooraj Barjatya / JP Dutta have all the cast in one movie and the movie releases and bombs in the box office… Right?

So this post is dedicated to having a team of sportspersons in the new world order. The game selected would be cricket. And we would have a team of all south Indians in the cricket team. Cricket being the religion in India (let us, for now, discount the popularity of football in Kerala on two counts 1. the rest of India doesn’t like it & 2. We don’t know much about it), we would definitely have a cricket team of our own in the new world order. I don’t know if there would be any team to play against because the concept calls for one country, one world, one everything etc etc. But phir bhi… we should have a cricket team of our own just in case we need it…

We have decided to pick up the best players from every country and “southindianofy” them and place them in the team. Please bear with us. The process of southindianofying is very complicated and involves bathing in water from sacred rivers after being thoroughly massaged with aromatic oils from Kerala. This is followed by wearing the abdomen guard to protect one’s you know what. This would be followed by wearing of the traditional white lungi and baniyan, which would be the official dress code of the cricketers. (We also predict extra time to be allotted in form of special breaks to pull the lungi up and down for agility and proper movements, but that’s insider information… so let’s leave it just at that)

So here it goes. We mean the team. We call it “Team Southie”. The juggernaut that would steam-roll (not momos you idiots) the rest of the world (if at all they would exist then) as quoted by Mr. Siddhu. Please note that the batting order will not be changed as we do not believe in the current Dravid & Chappel Theory of catching the opposition off-guard by changing the batting order.

  • Sajin Tendukutty (VC) – Splendid opening batsman with an almost unbeatable record. Erstwhile he was playing for India for a very long time and some elbow injury caused a huge turnaround for his career. But he still is into the team as the vice captain.

  • Aditya Gilkrishnan (W) – The most destructive keeper batsman of all times. Erstwhile, as an Australian, he has shown no respect towards any bowler.

  • Rahul D-Ravindran – The Wall. The only player who could fit in, in a number 3 position in this team. Being an inhabitant of erstwhile India, he is technically the most solid batsman in the entire universe.

  • Rishi Ponnusaamy (C) – A great ex-Australian batsman & captain. Is in race with Sajin Tendukutty for scoring the most no of tons in the longer version of the game. Given his form, he can definitely overtake it… A great mix of temperament & aggression rightly deserves him to be the captain.

  • Keshavan Pichumani – The great ex-British destroyer of bowling attacks. The guy who confuses people around the world with his haircuts. An excellent middle order batsman with nothing but aggression in his stride.

  • Jayendran Krishnamoorthy – One of the best erstwhile South African all rounder. One of the only players whom one can entrust opening with both the bat and the ball. A great asset to this side. A must have.

  • Warghese Anandam – Ex-Pakistani magician left arm swing bowler. Can swing the ball 360 degrees in front and behind the batsman. Can be lethal with the bat on his day.

  • Shankaran Warrier – Popularly known as the “wizard of oz”, this ex-australian leg spin bowler is one of the best in the business. Is a real must in any cricket team.

  • Govindan Mahalingam – Nicknamed the “Pigeon” for his accurate bowling, line and length. This ex-australian has claimed the most number of test wickets as a fast bowler. He definitely is a must when it comes to the fast bowling department.

  • Sadish Hariharan – A wonderful tall, lanky fast bowler representing the erstwhile England. A bowler who was very much responsible for the englishmen’s Ashes victory after a very long time. A genuine fast bowler with no suspicion of action to have in the team

  • Muthiah Muralidharan (no change) – True blue south Indian off spinner. The only tamilian in the erstwhile srilankan team. Has taken the most number of test wickets in the least number of games. The only bowler to give the “wizard of oz” a run for his money…


Take a look at the future of cricket… Right here, right now… it is wonderful. It almost resembles the world XI of today. Doesn’t it? Oh please do not mention it. Its alright… No need to thank me… We thought it was our duty to warn you much before this actually happens. Our duty you see… Now we wonder, in this new setup this team must definitely be No 1. After all being No 1 when you are the only one shouldn’t be much of a problem we tell you…

So there… Another piece in the “New World Order” puzzle revealed…

adios…

17 comments:

SCRIBBLEZ TO WAKEUP said...

Cricketers in lungi!!!! I have seen tht one happening when the guys used to play cricket in Kerala. It was perfectly normal. Maybe it felt normal as I was playing too and I was the most abnormal thing there. Good thinking loyal south-lover. :)

Demi Goddezz said...

ROFLMAOKMLIA...dayummm dayummm.. U rock man ... any day cricket with lungis...lol.. refreshers thenga vellam or karumbu juice..instead of the pepsis and colas...wah wah .. Iyer ur attempts to turn all non-southies to southies is highly applauded ..by me that is..hehhe..chal ab jab main india aaungi tho cricket khelne ka bhi intazaam kar ..and dont forget ur takin me shopping:P

Anonymous said...

cricketer in lungi = wardrobe malfunction :)

HP said...

This is a very important initative that you have taken. We are all with you. BTW, why is the most popular southie cricket 'Balaji' missing from the list?

And yes, everyone needs to be educated about the benefits of Lungi.

Cheers,
HP

iyer education said...

scribblez: it is not a question of normal or abnormal... in the new world order, lungi is a necessity...

winny: the first word in all capital reminded me of HULKAMANIA... other than that... i will continue to keep on bajaoing the south ka band for eons to come...

anon: lungi wardrobe malfunction doesnt have the same appeal or effect as a fashion show wardrobe malfunction... so beware

HP: it is not just necessary to be a southie to be in the team, one has to be a performer as well... hence balaji is out... and would you help the cause by elucidating the benefits of lungi on your blog ;)

Demi Goddezz said...

abe dhakkan..rolling on the floor laffing my ass off kicking my legs in the air...eppadi

d4u said...

Cricketers in lungi with "sahara" written on em ...lol...cant imagine how they wud look!!! Nice post...Tendukutty actually sounds cute:p
Thanx 4 droppin by my blog...

Kusum Rohra said...

Burgers with idli, cricketers in lungis.

though i have spent more than half of my life devouring kappi and idli in the morning, I PROTEST TO THIS NEW WORLD ORDER.

Nice post though :)

HP said...

Well Mate,

It would be really a shame if a person like me writes about the benefits of Lungi!

Surely you are the man for it. :-)


Cheers,
HP

iyer education said...

winny: mereko bhi maloom hai, mein to yun hi TP kar raha tha

d4u: the funny quotient will depend upon where in the lungi do these guys decide to flaunt the logo ;)

kusum: the new world order is inevitable... good that you are preparing for it by consuming kaapi and idli :)

HP: now you are being modest arent you? chalo i will write the same provided you give me Mr Faltoo without competition... what say?

Demi Goddezz said...

tu TP KE alawa kuch kartha hai?

KJ said...

Total TP, i shud say...

ROTFL!!!!

:))

KJ

iyer education said...

winny: mein TP ke alawa kaam bhi karta hoon... woh bhi jab TP karne se phursat mil jaaye :D

KKJ: :=)

The Comic Project said...

Brilliant. This goes on my hop! Now visualize Mohanlal as Thakur Baldev Singh in Sholay saying "Inzaan aur sigge mem yehi fereg hem" or "Yeh haad muje de de gebber"

biju said...

man!!!! u've given me belly aches...

not a cricket follower so couldn't make out some of the names.. but still... :-D

ROTFL

iyer education said...

TCP: firstly it is mohanlyal ;) and he is going to be thakur in the upcoming RGV Sholay... and i am just about waiting on the edge of my bicycle for that movie to release :D

biju: by your very name i can predict that you are football fan and the club of your choice would be Kerala Police :D

biju said...

awfully sorry man.. Sports are not my cup of tea/coffee/water. Infact I'm not sure if there is some GK abt futball hidden beneath your comment :D