Friday, January 13, 2006

south indians just rock!!!

For a change let me begin this post with a disclaimer… I don’t want people running after me threatening to kill me even before this post ends… so here goes the disclaimer.

Disclaimer: I have un-ending love for South Indians especially Madrasis and Mallus. I also have deeply etched respect for them. My posts on them are not with the idea of degrading them or trying to portray them in bad light, but just the fact that I understand them much better then the other regional counterparts. I also do not differentiate between Madrasis and Mallus. I am half Madrasi and half Mallu. So here is another one on them. Read it, laugh at it if you feel like it and don’t carry any grudges back home.

Last night I had a dream. Okay so everyone has a dream… so what is so special about this dream that this one deserves a post? It is not just special… it is very very special. I was dreaming about this rock-show-concert that I had attended and I was head-banging myself away to glory. This concert was a concert with a difference. The performers in this concert were not the normal (okay they are not normal… okay abnormal) rock superstars and ultra superstars. If I could recollect properly, the male performers were clad in white dhotis and white shirts and the female performers were wearing gleaming and shining silk sarees which seemed to be brought just out of ‘Nallis’ or ‘Kumarans’. So your guess is just about perfect. It was a rock concert “Of the south Indians, by the south Indians and for the south Indians”. Oh how amazing it was. Or let me say how “rocking” it was.

But there was a small issue. Now everything has some amount of problems in it. So did this rock concert. These guys / performers didn’t have proper band names. Okay they did have proper band names which were acceptable by all south Indian standards. But the issue crops up when these guys have to have band names which are to be accepted globally. Band names which adhere to international standards. At that level having band names like “Chennai Chicks” or “Cochin Crooners” or “Palakkad Punks” or “Chellappan Brothers” or “Menacing Menons” doesn’t gel well with international standards and would do just enough to de-promote this amazing phenomenon of south Indians getting into the international strata.

Here is where Iyer comes to the rescue. As always Iyer is the Saviour for all the south Indians in all sorts of dire conditions. So what does Iyer do in this case? Iyer gives you a suggestion on “original” south Indian rock band names for all the aspiring south Indian rockers. The free version of the suggestion contains only 10 names. So this could be considered as a top 10 south Indian rock band names countdown as well. Iyer can also give you a personalized band name in case you are interested, but that’s a paid service and that’s being done offline. So you can contact me via-email any day, any time and get an appointment for your own customized rock band name. Oh don’t forget the money aspect, I accept only cash.

Before I even start listing down the south Indian rock band names, let me thank my morning travel mate dude “Rajeev Varma” who suggested with the “original” band names and their famous songs which we jointly wrapped up in south Indian wrapping paper and have come up with this. Thanks dude for all the band names you knew and you suggested between Andheri and Elphinstone Rd.

Here goes nothing… The ones in bold are the “original” south Indian rock band names and the ones in the bracket are their “source of inspiration”.


Rage Against The Madrasis /Mallus (Rage Against The Machines): This one is for all the revolutionary anti-madrasi-mallu characters. The most famous song of the inspired band happens to be “Bulls On Parade”. The south Indian counterpart could have a song called “Bulls In Palakkad”, where palakkad happens to be a place in kerala.


Red Hot Sambhar Powder
(Red Hot Chilli Peppers): South Indian cooks inspiring to be rockstars can have this name. These guys could have a song called “Kozhikodification” (kozhikode is another place in kerala) which could have been “inspired” from the all time famous song called “Californication”


Tidel
Park (Linkin Park): Tidel park happens to be a very famous place in Chennai, I don’t know if there is a Linkin Park in USA. Anyways, this band could have a song called “KARAVADALING” (karavadam happens to be a fried snack relished by all south Indians) inspired by “Crawling”.


MuruGUNS n Dosas
(Guns n Roses): One of the best south Indian rockers can be given this title and they can sing their lives off to “Sweet Payasam Of Mine” which is an ode to “Sweet Child Of Mine”. Payasam is kheer which actually is a sweetmeat. Isn’t that sweet?


Iyerosmith
(Aerosmith): This one is “reserved” for me and no one can take it from me. I am going to start this band and render a near perfect “Janani’s gotta bun” an Xerox copy from the original “Janie’s gotta gun”


Neer(dosa)vana
(Nirvana): All rockers who want to attain bliss by eating neer dosa can take this name up. The song suggested here would be “smells like onion chutney” which is a good accompaniment to neer dosa. This also reflects the inspired track “smells like teen spirit”


Madrasi Menon
(Marilyn Manson): This can go to a person who the weirdest and the psychoest of all rockstars. He has to go through tests of wierdism and psychoism to be able to have this title. Anyways, he could come up with a song called “this is the new FLIT”, starring all six legged creatures thus making an even more psychoer version of the original “this is the new shit”


Ram Thambi
(Rob Zombie): Any waiter from madras/kerala (they are fondly referred to as Thambi) can use this name in case he aspires to be a rockstar. They can render “Super Feast”. Actually they can even serve the food at “Super Feast” which is an ode to the original “Super Beast”


Deep Paruppu
(Deep Purple): Paruppu is ‘pulses’ in tamil/malayalam. Not the ones we check, but the ones we eat. Also popularly known as ‘Dal’ in hindi/marathi. Their famous song would be called as “Steam on the water” (the wonderful steam that is formed when you cook paruppu or dal) which has nothing to do with “Smoke on the water”. Or does it?


Finally, my personal favourite… the number one south Indian band name… ta da ten tenaaan…


Madrasis / Mallus Learn to Talk
(Michael Learns to Rock): Do I have to explain anything here. I guess nothing. And their famous song could be “Someday” which is different from the original “Someday” by MLTR. This song is a song full of hope that someday south Indians may talk proper English with proper English pronunciation…


So there it was… 10 of the best south Indian rock bands… now you can take up rocks and start hurling them at me. Keep doing that until some nice cutey-cutey woman comes to my rescue singing “koi pathhar se naa maare mere deewaane ko” (will somebody actually do that for me?)… until then… happy hurling…

adios…

31 comments:

IdeaSmith said...

LOL, dude you absolutely rrrraaak! (rock). Can I join one of those bands (even tho' I'm a reluctant southie)?

iyer education said...

provided you audition for them... btw which one do you intend to join... and do you have enough kanjeevaram silk sarees to go along with it ;)

Bird said...

Iyer, i've one pop band for the oldies, APPA (inspired from ABBA)

I always thought that all Menon's would do good in the band called "Van Menon".

iyer education said...

bird: tht is absolutely amazing... good going... now come up with songs of "appa" and "van menon" :)

abhi said...

:)))

but next time iyerrii .. dont give us culti for ur dreams

ahmm .. i know that sounded vague .. but u know what i meant

iyer education said...

i sleep early last night and this is what i get out of that... (wimps and cries)

tu bhi to sat ko hamko culti de raha hai... that too after suggesting saturday? this is not right...


tum karo to raas leela...
ham kare to character dheela?


if you are referring the dream of my life, then you dont have to worry on that front... no culti for you on that front, on the contrary i will be ever thankful to you...

memphis said...

YES very good .. u kept ur promise of promoting "iyer" ... very good shabbash

SCRIBBLEZ TO WAKEUP said...

There again....Funny bones...Wht are those brand names? You can seel them for a fee as I have told Memphis to sell some of his copyrighted stuff too....There will be takers Iyer..Super geniously hilarious man!!!:)

Demi Goddezz said...

hhaha..dude ab kya bolun .. BUNDaSTICC tha..hehe.. en u slept early?? mere se baath karke neend aagaya tere ko?hhehehhe

iyer education said...

paro: do i start on the long liners the last time we discussed...

scribblez: it seems you are the only taker for all these things around here... but i like it if someone appreciates "the brands" instead of the bands... esp when its THOU ;)

winny: ab kya bataoon... you can call the title of your blog as "I talk, you faint"...

Demi Goddezz said...

acha tho aisan baath hein... yeh sunna pad raha hein mereko eh?

The Soul Doctor said...

How about Bhajjiis (it can be vazhakai or potato) like the Beejees??

LOL. Hilarious post.

karthik.

Happy New Year

Pixel8 said...

ooooh my! i cnat stop laffing! damn!
u r good man!
and south indians obviously rock!!

iyer education said...

winny: you instigated it :P

karthik: bhajjiss is a good idea... now come up with the song... cud it be "how long is your bonda?"

pixel8: south indians definitely rock :D

KJ said...

Iyer,

back with a bang!!!!

ROTFL!!!

ROTFL!!!!!


:-))

KJ

Demi Goddezz said...

u blame me?? chal ur classes cancelled:PPP

abd how long is bonda?? since when did bondas become long? arent they round?

iyer education said...

thengew KJ...

winny: kuch seekh KJ se... dekh kitni achi hai wo... and i also have couple of impressive lines for you... my name's bonda... james bonda... impressed?

Anonymous said...

LOL...damn good! And loved the uber timepass gmail conversation (you actually had that conversation??)... keep teaching!!
Divya
www.livejournal.com/users/divyaiyer

iyer education said...

divya: nice to see another iyer over iyer(here)... neways we do keep having such useless and pointless and constantly digressing conversations every alternate day... and you dont want to read that if you want to keep sane :D

Anonymous said...

Au contraire dear fellow iyer, such reads help maintaining a certain amount of sanity on other wise excruciatingly boring mondays!

Demi Goddezz said...

eh?..acha tho mein achi bhi nahi hun...GRRRRR tera kya karun IYERAAAA...and me being impressed with james bonda..hmm NAAAAAAAAAAA...

and y does this Anons words sound familiar to me eh?

iyer education said...

divya: hmmm... good thing... no wonder they say recycling wastage is a good habit ;)

winny: mera achaar daal... call it IYEAAR... okay its a sad one... how do u like JANE FONDA then?... do you know anon? this definitely is a small world then :D

Bird said...

is it the same anon who wrote the many poetries i read in school?

iyer education said...

bird: you read poetries in school? i thought u started reading poetries only after winny started blogging...

Demi Goddezz said...

hmmm...achaar sounds good...and i dont know anon ..jus the words ..nevamin

bird: wah wah...he read poetry in school hehhhe.. that was the last thing i used to read

Bird said...

I used to read poetries in school because i wanted to pass the subject...i read demi's poetries because i want to understand them.

Demi Goddezz said...

bird:hmmm u want to understand them? sometimes even i dont understand them..mushkil hoga tereliye..

MotoRama said...

ROFL!That was "panni" dude! Lemme add my lame additon to the list..

"Joo-tu!"(U2).

"Pintheru Pistas"(Backstreet boys)

Debalina said...

Lol !
ROFL..
Will comment lil later when I stop laughing.

Anonymous said...

Iyer your blog made my day .....
you simbuly rock [kasamh se ;-) ]
don't thank me u deserve all the credit...one more addition
Band: Mani n' Chicks (jimi hendrix)
Song : Mundu Wild (voodoo child)
...Rajeev

Anonymous said...

As and Indian mallu following Indian Rock..

I am in complete agreement of the above hallucinations..they may happen ju nevr know..

Loved it..stomach hurt

Peace
Confucius