Monday, August 29, 2005

Delhi Daily!!!

I had been on a tour to our Delhi office for the last couple of days, two days to be precise. Now that I am back from Delhi, I thought let me put down my thoughts on Delhi as a city and about Delhi-ites. Not that I have been to Delhi for the first time. I have been to Delhi about 3-4 times, but there was no blogging for me the last time I was there. This time around I was more, so to speak observant about things there.

I just couldn't spend too much time out in Delhi. Had too much of work to be having fun out there. A whole week's work being crunched into a couple of days gave very less time to be spent outside. But then I didn't have to go out of the way to make some quick observations, which is what this post is all about. So here they are… All delhi-ites, please keep e-stones, e-eggs and e-tomatoes to be hurled at yours truly and get ready for some fun…

Don’t ask for directions…
There is this amazing thing about the idle people and shop keepers along the roadside. They look very calm and composed… until… until you ask for directions… then they turn hostile like you are asking him “is your wife available tonight?”… And reply to you in the same tone… I have got superb responses from “must be somewhere around here… go check out yourself” to *pointing to a whole bunch of complexes* and saying its there… and I say thank you very much. All I have to say here is that, if you don’t know the address… please be upfront in saying so… I won’t write your name on the board or lodge a complaint in the nearest police station for not giving me the directions.

Most of them are Hip-Hop stars…
Most of the delhi-ites that I have met are big time Hip Hop stars… ya ya like the 50 cent types… They have all the talent to be one helluva star in that category. And what do you need to be in that category… just a simple thing… end every sentence of yours with a “YO”… and that’s it… you are a star. And so are (a majority of)these delhi-ites. For delhi-ites, a simple “udhar jaaiye”(translated – go there) is “Udhar JaiYO” and a “khaana khaaiye”(translated – eat food) is “Khaana KhaiiYO”… and so are lot of other words like AiiYO(not the madraasi ayyo) etc. so they are bound to be one of the best hip-hop stars available in the country today. I am sure I would pick one guy from delhi and make him into a hip-hop star and call him “PACHHAAS PAISE”… watch out 50 Cent…

Don’t try to argue with auto-wallahs…
Unless you speak the “YO” language and do not need directions, please do not argue with auto / taxi wallahs out there in delhi. They will kill the innocent life out of you. You cannot and I mean CANNOT try and convince them that the distance from place ‘X’ to place ‘Y’ is not as long as they think that you think it is… It is futile and a waste of time, energy and efforts. So unless you know around the place or you are ready to travel in a bus, please don’t argue with any of them. Its harmful for your health.

Lane cutting = Tea cutting
Talking about auto-wallahs, the next thing that comes to my mind is the driving etiquettes there. Lane cutting in Delhi = Chai Cutting in Mumbai. How you may ask? The answer is "They are available to anyone, anywhere and there is no dearth of it". I am sure, if someone takes a low-flying charter over delhi, the scene of vehicular movement would resemble the movement of the ‘creatures’ in the old time video game called “Galaza” or “Galactica”, which is now available on mobile phones and is called “space impact”…

Rajdhani Rocks…

Travelling by Indian Railways is never so much fun, unless you are traveling by Rajdhani. It is an experience by itself. The food, the service… everything is done well, just like in the airlines albeit, there are gawdy looking waiters instead of the “eye-soothing” stewardesses of airlines. But the service is much much much much much much much much better than a lot of other trains in India. Traveling by Rajdhani atleast once is a must. Don’t go to delhi if you don’t want. Just go there to travel by Rajdhani.

Disclaimer: The samples used for deriving the above conclusions are random and are completely disproportionate to the actual population. But then I just could not see everything in 2 days so all your e-stones, e-eggs and e-tomatoes are welcome…

adios…

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Ekdum Hatke Movie – Music By Eminem

Everybody does a lot of unique things… some English movie maker takes up an Indian Hero or an Indian Music Director or whatever… but this time around, I have decided to make a movie… a typical Hindi Love Story… and guess what, whom I have roped in for the music… none other than the gay rapstar “Eminem”… And puhlees, our relationship is just professional… so all you women who read this… Please don’t think I am gay… I am straight and I am available…

My movie (yet to be titled) is going to be “ekdum hatke”… “all the roles are very challenging”… “all characters have shades of grey in them”… and lots of other statements that are so very “typical” of all our Bollywood interviews… but the USP of the movie is “Sir Eminem” (can I call him by that name)… and he has provided with excellent and “situational” songs… and we have already recorded them… excerpts from the movie and the songs will be given here… exclusively on blog… (You can thank me [or smack me] for that later)…

Sneak Peek On The Story

Little kid hidden in cupboard, looks at his father’s death right in front of his eyes… killed by the bad guy… takes note of the weird goggles worn by the bad guy… decides to take revenge… But for that he has to grow up.

Poor mother does sewing and feeds the little guy (with food for thought and revenge). The kid grows up to become a thief.

Meets this rich woman accidentally (in a staged car accident) and falls in love with her (all this time revenge is not at all present coz love is in the air). The heroine’s father refuses the proposal of marriage, bringing the old time fight of capitalists versus labourers.

One fine day, the hero sights the goggles of the villain which strangely seems to be in fashion even after 20 years, chases him down to his den… kills his goons and finally gets his hands on the villain and kills him too.

Simultaneously, the girl’s father realizes his folly and reaches with his daughter to the villain’s den (I don’t know how) and offers his daughter’s hand in marriage and they live happily ever after.

(There are no courts and laws existent in this world to run the trial of the hero… naah they don’t exist at all)

A Sneak Peek On The Characters From The Movie

A Poor Hero: The hero doesn’t want to take his real life Rolex watch off his hand. (Apoo: Please don’t re-align the spaces and read it as ‘Apoo r hero’)

A Rich Heroine: (Opposites attract). She HAS to get wet (either in rains or preferably a waterfall) in a white saree revealing her everything to the hero (and not to mention the crew)… (wow wow wow)

The Bad Guy: This bad guy looks like an alien landed from planet Zeoid. He just cannot be a normal person. He still thinks life is a “Fancy Dress Competition”. Poor and demented that he is.

The Heroine’s Daddy: He is also the bad guy, but he is the bad guy who becomes a good guy in the end. He is always against the hero right from the beginning and deepens the rift created between the capitalists and the labourers during the beginning of the twentieth century.

The Hero’s Mummy: Thank god the movie is not in Egypt or else this would carry an altogether different meaning. Mummy here depicts a widow who sews clothes to make a living. Generally the hero’s father i.e. the hero’s mummy’s husband is always killed by the Bad Guy (remember… the guy from planet Zeoid… already forgotten huh?)

34,281 Extras: These people are dynamic in nature and can be used as dancers or relatives or the younger version of hero / heroine and /or their families. Sometimes I feel I should be calling them “Plug & Play Actors”. They are the most versatile and can mould themselves as and when the script demands…

Now on to the music… the situations are mentioned just before the songs (all the songs are situational you see).

Situation 1: The heroine is taking bath in a waterfall at some godforsaken place (she is supposed to be rich right… but then why should she take bath in a waterfall? Good question… The answer to that would be… ‘because she is wearing a white saree’)

"I’ve Slim Saree, Yes I’ve the slimmest Saree

All you other slim sarees just aint sexy

So won’t the real Slim Saree, please get wet… please get wet…"


Situation 2:
The hero is staring at the white wet saree (and so is the entire crew :-D), the voluptuous you know what… the sexy midrib… and the hero is overcome by all sorts of emotions from love, lust etc etc…

"I’m little horny, yes I’m a little horny

All you other little hornies are just about faking

So won’t the little horny, please get it up… please get it up… (Don’t ask me what)"


Situation 3:
The hero goes to meet the heroine’s daddy… and as usual… the daddy refuses to accept the proposal… and that too in style…

"I’m bad daddy, yes I’m the bad daddy

All you other bad daddies are just irritatin

So won’t the bad daddy, please stop that (marriage)… please stop that (marriage)…"


Situation 4:
Introduction of Villian… This has been one of the most liked parts in Hindi Movies… right from “Mogambo Khush Hua” to “Dong Kabhi Wrong Nahi Hota” every villain has his share of limelight with his entry… this time around the villain will be rapping his way to glory :-)

"I’m real baddie, Yes I’m the real baddie

All you other real baddies just cannot get it

So won’t the real baddy, please get smacked… please get smacked…"


Now you guys tell me how the movie was, especially the songs… I somehow get the feeling that “Sir Eminem” just duped me… I think he just used the same music and different lyrics for all the songs… do you guys feel that too? Even if that is the case, I don’t have enough money to chase him back to USA… I have used up all my finances in making the movie… Please go and watch it… That would feed my family some bread and butter (not to mention some ham and bologna and sausage and mustard and mayonnaise)…

adios…

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Weekender...

Nahi re, this post has got nothing to do with the apparel brand… oh by the way does “Weekender” exist today?... I have no goddamn idea if it does… but again I said this post was no way related to that brand… it is related to my time spent over this weekend…

First things first… Why was this weekend special? Coz it was a tad longer than the normal ones, we had Saturday & Sunday off and Monday was independence day… so everybody had plans to optimally utilize this extra day off… so did I…

Not that the plan was a genius brainchild that I had devised (which I never do)… my plan was to tag along with my family to a resort at Madh Island. We were accompanied by two other families (My Uncle and Aunt & their families). My aunt devised this plan, as she got the resort for a couple of days from her company for free… So I decided to be a part of this huge family get together for 3 days… (initially I decided to opt out of it… but then finally agreed to spend some “quality” time with my family and relatives)…

So off we went on Saturday evening… In India, we generally take the name of Lord Ganesha before we do anything… but on that day we left out of our houses in excitement and forgot to take the name of Lord Ganesha… and something had to go wrong… (I used lord Ganesha as an excuse coz I cant take the blame every time)… we went about the place in a roundabout way that took us three hours to reach made worse by clogged traffic, which could have been done in ½ an hour… but then you see, it was lord Ganesha’s wish to do so… and so did we :-(

Reached the resort at Madh Island, and it was actually a company cottage and not a resort (sometimes definitions do matter… I was all set for a resort for some eye soothing view around the pool of the “alleged” resort… and I get a cottage that would be occupied by just our family). We were about 11 people when we set out for this place and luckily all 11 managed to get to the place… so the elders did a luggage count followed by head count to make sure everything was in place, that too in order of priority :-)…

The composition of 11 (arey people re baba… not luggage) was 6 elders (between 45 and 60… NO!! I don’t fall into that category)… 4 kids (between 9 and 15)… and me (NO!! I won’t reveal my age)… the sad part was I was alone (that actually could be the happiest part for the rest of the people there) (the saddest part was I didn’t get to see the eye soothing view in and around the pool of the ‘alleged’ resort…)

The night began as any other Saturday night, with booze flowing… but the difference was that it was flowing between the uncles and my dad… I was kept out of it… no booze for me… sob sob… I could see it right in front of me, but couldn’t do anything about it… reminded me of the funny quote, “haath ko aaya… muh na lagaa”… believe me, it didn’t feel funny then… right now as I am typing it, it feels funny… and I had to suffice myself with some dinner and was off to sleep…

Sunday, I thought would be a good day for me… anything compared to last night would have been good for me… but then it wasn’t destined to be that way… (Guess Lord Ganesha got a bit too angry…)… the beach was right in front of the cottage, but we couldn’t go there… and if at all we went there we couldn’t take bath there… coz it had all sorts of currents in it… it also had quicksands… again it was “there right in front of me… but of no use…”. The day too passed off quite quickly… I don’t know how quickly coz I was dozing for the better part of the day…

Along came night, and came daru again… this time the uncles & dad had got more booze than they had last night… I thought to myself “finally something wise has dawned upon the elders… they have taken my plight into consideration and ordered some more for me…” only to realize that the extra daru was for extra capacity that they had developed due to the drinks last night… and I was kept out of that ‘session’ too… The sessions started off on a serious note with discussions on independence and all, but by the time the session ended, everyone was dancing to the tunes of Daler Mehendi… what more… even the neighbours who had taken the adjoining cottage had joined in the celebrations… but the bottom line was that I was kept out of the whole tullee session…

Come Independence day and there were no flag hoisting ceremonies in the cottage there… it just went off like a lazy holiday with everyone either nurturing a hangover or watching Malayalam movies (my relatives prefer Malayalam movies to Hindi / English Movies)… followed by lunch and packing our baggages back and were on our way back to our cozy homes…

By now you guys must have felt that I had a terrible time, thanks to the depiction above. But here is the catch… though I didn’t have a good time there, I still managed to have a great time (now this guy must be a nutcase… is what you guys must be thinking)… But seriously… I had a good time, not myself, but I had a good time through my parents, my sister, my relatives… They all had a good time, which in turn makes me have a great time… Doesn’t it happen so often in our lives… sometimes we live our lives through the ones that we care for… I too had a good time seeing my near and dear having a great time…

Don’t we feel so out of the place sometimes and yet enjoy the fact that we are out there just because the ones that we care are having a good time… doesn’t this happen too often… Don’t guys go out for mushy movies because their girl friends / wives / fianc├ęs have a ball watching those mushy / romantic movies? Don’t parents go to stupid parks with their kids, knowing fully that they themselves won’t have any fun there, but its worthwhile seeing the kid struggling with the swing or the slide… and eventually making it … I had that similar feeling… and believe me… I will cherish it for ages to come…

adios…

Friday, August 12, 2005

Bollywood Calls Again…

Sometime back Bollywood Called. Now its calling again… some of our apna own Bollywood movies in this computer age… and they are “ekdum original” and not to add “ekdum hatke” from all other movies you have ever seen / heard…

Hard-disk To Vulnerable Hai: The story of a hard-disk (SRK) who is confused about which file-system to adopt, FAT32 (Karisma) or NTFS (Madhuri) and ends up with NTFS.

Crash Crash Hota Hai: Allegedly the continuation of HTVH, the hard-disk’s (SRK) File System (Rani) gets formatted and is restored with another File System (Kajol) by the stand by Boot Floppy (Daughter).

Rangeela(192,156,128): This is the RGB combination of the “yeeellow” shirt worn by Amir Khan in the movie in which he tries to match the Hex code of Urmila with his puny 14” CRT, whereas Jackie lures her away with his newly introduced 20” LCD.

RAM Teri Capacity Daily: This movie talks about daily capacity usage of RAM for processes like love.exe, lust.exe etc in a normal PC (Rajeev Kapoor) running a newly introduced Operating System (Mandakini)

Mera Naam Coder: Story about the various phases in the life of a programmer (Raj Kapoor), not to mention the various women that have been part of the same code… sorry, same life…

Setpath: This is the command used by Vijay Dinanath Chauhan (Big B), whenever his system rebooted and caused trouble… and he’s got Krishnan Iyer MA “network card wala” (Mithun Da) for company…

Cardbaaz: Two network cards (twins), get separated at birth and one grows up to be D-Link (Sridevi) and the other grows up to be Realtek (Sridevi) and as usual there is a merger of standards and these two network cards get back together and “network happily ever after

Mr Networklal: Story of a junior system administrator (Big B) getting stuck in an area that supports neither LAN, WAN, MAN or even wireless networks and he has “kaamwaali bai” (rekha) for company.

B2B Ho To Aisi: Story of merger of a portal (Farrooque Sheikh) with a B2B (Rekha) to form the world’s greatest B2B Portal that outdoes the portal’s database administratior (Bindu)

Server: The story of a Primary Domain Controller (Big B) that controls the network of Mumbai, being intentionally failed by some scrupulous viruses and how the Backup Domain Controller (Lil B) functions as the stand by Controller and eventually becomes the Primary Domain Controller.

Blog: A story about a technically deaf and dumb kid (rani) and her eccentric MCSE teacher (Big B). The first thing that the teacher teaches the kid about technology is BLOG and things then things are never the same again until the teacher forgets everything and this kid helps the teacher in studying for CCNA.

Maine Debug Kiya: Story of a tester(Sallu Bhai), who debugs all the errors & defects planted by his programmer father, in a java file named “su(ma)n.java”(bhagyashree), and compile the error-free code to keep the executable to himself.

adios...

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Quantifying Quality!!!

Errr… hmmm… Where do I start? … errr… ok… the title itself is an “oxymoron” (an oxymoron is something that is given by an ox who is a moron), isn’t it? But then a lot of thinking brought me to this post. (That in effect means torture for you guys)… but in any case, given the kind of sadistic person that I am, I will go ahead and do my duties i.e. torture you ;-)

Last night, 4 bloggers met at bloggers park (CT) for tullee sessions. Let me keep all of them under wraps, so that no one takes credit (or possibly debit) for this post… Anyhow, the sessions were going on fine till we stumbled upon a topic where the discussion was so heated and vociferous that everyone at CT kept staring at our tables. What was the topic of the discussion is outside the scope of this post. One of the 4 bloggers had the gift of the gab, the other had conviction in his thoughts and principles, the third had the patience to listen and to understand and I was being a complete sleepy head (I am still feeling sleepy coz I went home at 3 in the morning and am back here at work at 9). In any case, in the state of sleepiness (Deepak Chopra would like to call it “Cosmic Sub-Consciousness”); yours truly was thinking about the title of this post i.e. “Can We Quantify Our Qualities?

I had almost forgotten about that; that’s when two ryzers (friends of 2 of the 4 tullee gang) joined us and the existing conversation ended and started upon a new one. This conversation went on till 2 in the morning (or night, whatever you like to call it), where the guys were discussing characteristics of various people: someone being “little tharki” and at the same time being good professionally… someone being “completely tharki”… someone being logical and rational… someone being aggressive… someone being helpless and so on and so forth… that conversation strengthened my thoughts on this post… (so if you find this post boring, you know whom to blame)…

We have come to a stage in the world today where all decisions are made on a quantitative basis, with buffer provided for human discretion and provision for something called “gut feeling”… but otherwise, by and large all decisions are made by crunching numbers. We have quantitative sciences for almost any subject… I even know of certain HR functions being done quantitatively, which was considered to be a by and large psychological subject…

Could it be possible that at a future date, we would be quantifying our qualities as well… Currently, we depict ourselves as honest or dishonest… wise or fool… ethical or unethical… moral or immoral… religious or atheist… calm or short-tempered… good or evil and innumerable other characteristics that we can think of… But, why do we have to always talk about two ends of the spectrum? Why do we have to be either completely honest or completely dishonest? Why can’t we have scale where we can rate ourselves? (Ok… enough)

This is where quantifying qualities comes into play. If something like this exists (or would be in place), it would be easier to understand human beings and try and justify their actions. Can’t human psychology be another quantitative science rather than being a social science? I don’t know how possible or impossible it is but I am sure of the fact that once this thing comes to existence (if it ever does); life will be much easier that what it currently is. We wont have to go through processes of lengthy explanations to justify what we just did or what we are about to do, thus wasting a lot of quality time that could have been otherwise used for something creative and constructive. I think so… what do you guys think?

From Theory to Applications

Due to something like this in existence, our bio-data’s would get lengthier… Employees would like to know the “rated characteristics” of the employee in his bio-data (on a scale of 1 to 10)…

Matrimonial ads will have “rated qualities” as a necessity, helps the newspapers make more money by giving out more space, and the prospective will be sure of the qualities matching with what they need

Unwanted convictions in court can be reduced once we know the characteristics composition of the human being. Providing the right judgment, based on facts + the mindset of person under question

(The examples stated above are not comprehensive, but only reflects that the author hasn’t thought too much about applicability of the above. The above examples are subject to the risk of pathological liars… but I am sure if science would be so advanced, we would definitely find a way out of that too)

But seriously, think about it... would it be a boon or a bane ?

adios…

Saturday, August 06, 2005

And it finally happened...

And IT finally happened to me… (Now please don’t start to distract your minds into all sorts of permutations and combinations)… read the post…

I always wanted the computer to go wrong… I also programmed a lot of modules, which only went wrong… guess there were some connections there in… I always thought human beings were the smarter of the lot… computers were just programmed to act in a way… but then the advent of ATM’s proved me wrong…

The ATM never went wrong when it came to dispensing the required amount for me… every time I used to visit an ATM, I used to be happy to see the balance on my account… but whenever I walked out, I used to be sad because the damn machine would dispense the exact amount that I punched in… I used to hate that… but all that changed on a rainy Wednesday night…

Abhi, Bird and Yours Truly had our usual “tullee” sessions at Harish (this time the venue was changed from CT to Harish because of overcrowding). And at Abhi’s request, we had white rum instead of the regular IB that we have… (damn him for that… please don’t have white rum… ever) and were back in a “happy and light” state…

Then I remembered that I had to withdraw some money… and went to the “Great Grand Mother of All Banks”… ICICI Bank (or as Maharashtrians would like to call it “Aai Chi Aai Chi Aai”… hence great grand mother)… and in that happy state, I punched the ‘X’ amount… and waited for the amount to be dispensed… abhi was with me in the ATM and bird was standing outside enjoying his company of his Wills (nah re its not Will power… its “Made For Each Other” wallah Wills Navy Cut).

The machine took its own time… never had it taken so long to dispense the amount… but this time around this machine counted the notes over and over again… (atleast it sounded that way)… but in any case… when it finally did dispense the amount… Voila… I had ‘X + 100’ in my hand… at first instance I thought I was drunk… but then I decided to confirm it with the transaction receipt… and there it was… right in my hand… the first mistake (for me) by an ATM…

Even W32.Samba must not have been so happy to receive the Filmfare Award (For best comedian)… that was the kind of happiness that I had when I had ‘X + 100’ in my hand… all I ever wished (other than beating Mannu in NFS… I have even achieved that hehe…) was the damn ATM to dispense more than I wanted… and that wish was granted…

(Now the thanks note...)

Thank you god, thank you great grand mother (the bank), thank you abhi, thank you bird, thank you harish, thank you white rum, thank you ‘Rs X’… any of the above would have been responsible for the above incident… (have I missed out anyone or anything?)

adios…

PS: Account Number, Amount and PIN Number being withheld for security reasons

Friday, August 05, 2005

Sholay.NET #2

Now that the first trailer of Sholay.Net is out on the blogosphere, I thought it was about time that I came up with trailer #2. I strictly recommend that you read Sholay.Net before you proceed with this post.

Also if you carefully look at the first trailer, no coverage was given to Jai 1.0 in the last post, and the most hilarious scene of the original movie was when Jai discusses Veeru “ka rishta” with Basanti Ki Mausi… That is the precise scene that will be a part of this trailer of Sholay.Net. (I am sorry if certain people think I am overdoing this, but I am so excited about this particular scene, that I had to post it)

Warning: This may get a lil technical so please bear with me…

Act 6:

mausi.txt: “To tum Veeru 2.0 aur Basanti # ke integration ka plan leke aaye ho?”

Jai 1.0: “Jee Haan Mausi(ji).txt…”

mausi.txt: “To Veeru 2.0 ka platform (family background) kya hai?”

Jai 1.0: “Ab kya batayen mausi(ji).txt, aaj kal to platform independent ka zamana hai, Veeru 2.0 bhi platform independent hai… bechara… open source jo thehra… koi bhi aake bhole Veeru 2.0 ko compile karke chala jaata hai…”

mausi.txt: “Veeru 2.0 mein koi runtime errors (bad habits) to nahi hai naa?”

Jai 1.0: “Ab kya batayen mausi(ji).txt… har ek class mein aur function mein error handlers hain Veeru 2.0 mein, but ye program kambakht aisi cheez hai ki error handler ko bhi miss kar deti hai… to run time errors to aa hi jaate hai… but Basanti # ke saath integrate karne ke baad, runtime errors, band hi ho jaayenge…”

mausi.txt: “Veeru 2.0 mein ‘Blue Screen’ (worsest habits) to nahi hai naa?”

Jai 1.0: “Ab kya batayen mausi(ji).txt… kabhi jab processor over heat ho jaata hai… ya RAM corrupt ho jaata hai, to ‘Blue Screens’ to aa hi jaate hai… ab isme Veeru 2.0 ki kya galti hai… ‘Memory Fault Coredump’ to koi badi bimaari thodi hi hai… integration ke baad ekdam theek ho jaayegi…”

mausi.txt: “Waah Jai 1.0, program ho to tumhaare jaisa, itni saari problem hai Veeru 2.0 mein, koi service packs (good habits) bhi nahi hai… phir bhi integration karwaane chale aaye ho… “

Jai 1.0: “kya karein mausi.txt... mera source code hi kuch aisa hai…”

adios…

PS: I promise that this will be the last post on Sholay.NET

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Sholay.NET

After some serious posts on the deluge in Mumbai, I am back to doing what I do the best (or worst), getting inspired by other posts and then creating posts of mine… so here it goes…

Debalina in her last post depicted how the future would be when her kid and the kid next door would be trying to get one up on the basis of the kind of electronic gadgets they have. That post inspired me to this post… What would be the historically futuristic Bollywood movies be like? Doesn’t make sense… let me try and simplify it… how would the movies of the yore be, if they were to be made in the future… still confused… please mail me, and I will try and explain…

The movie taken as an example would be the all time famous “Sholay” and it would be called “Sholay.NET” in the future. Here are a few excerpts from “Sholay.NET

All the following dialogues are in Hindi, please do not expect any translations… this is meant to appease only the locally local and the globally local audiences

Starring:

Thakur ++ (System Administrator)

Jai 1.0 (Power User 1)

Veeru 2.0 (Power User 2)

Basanti # (Driver Software)

Trojan.Gabbar (Malicious Spy ware Trojan)

W32.Samba (Worm 1)

W32.Kaaliya (Worm 2)


Act 1:

Thakur ++: “Trojan.Gabbar ko quarantine ya remove karne ke liye mein tum dono (Jai 1.0 and Veeru 2.0) ko 10 GB RAM each doonga... aur sarkar ka jo 20 GB ram hai wo bhi tumhara hoga”

Act 2:

Trojan.Gabbar: “50 50 kos door gaaon mein koi bachha rota hai to pata hai maa kya kehti hai… so ja bete, nahi to Trojan.Gabbar aa jaayega aur hamara MBR delete karke chala jaayega…”

Act 3:

Trojan.Gabbar: “Arey oh W32.Samba… kitne program the?”

W32.Samba: “2 sarkar (Jai 1.0 & Veeru 2.0)…”

Trojan.Gabbar: “Woh 2 Program, aur tum 3 worms… phir bhi waapas aa gaye… kya samajh kea aye… ke sardar khush hoga… tumko spyware banayega haan… dhikkar hai…”

(the act continues... and here comes the most famous scene...)

Trojan.Gabbar: “Ab tera kya hoga W32.Kaaliya?”

W32.Kaaliya:Sardar… Meine aapka code likha hai…”

Trojan.Gabbar: “To ab debug kar… ha ha ha ha”

Act 4:

Trojan.Gabbar: “Yeh Class (with constructors, functions, interfaces and variables)… hamko dede Thakur ++…”

Thakur ++: “ nahi…”

Act 5:

Veeru 2.0: “www.gaaonwaalon.com... ye jo mausi.txt hai naa... ye mera integration Basanti # ke saath nahi karwaa rahi hai... to mein chala www.gaaonwaalon.com... mein apne aap ko safe mode mein reboot karne chala...”

Basanti #: “ruk jaao Veeru 2.0, mein tumhaare saath integrate hone ke liye tayyar hoon, pehle tum apna variable definition to do… aur safe mode mein reboot mat karo Veeru 2.0…”

Veeru 2.0: “www.gaaonwaalon.com, ab mein neeche aa raha hoon, safe mode reboot cancel...”

So that was the trailer of “Sholay.NET”… Live And Exclusive only on Iyer Supply

Coming soon to a Mobile / Tablet PC near you…

adios…