Thursday, June 30, 2005

Lesson Learnt !!!

The BMC has taken Abhi’s Post too seriously. They have actually taken it to their heart (if at all they have one). They have actually changed… ummm… read ahead…

For all people who are too bored to read Abhi’s Post (including me), he asked the BMC to change their boards that read “Go Slow, Work In Progress” to “Go, Slow Work In Progress”. They must have probably read the post, felt bad and have decided to change, not their speed of work but their Boards.

Their new board gives people like Abhi, less chance to speak / write about them. Now the board reads “Work In Progress, Go Slow”… another one reads “Work In Progress, Inconvenience Is Regretted

Great job Abhi… You tried for a radical change… be satisfied with a “grammatical” change…

adios…

PS: Abhi, you are gonna get a lot of publicity with more links in this post than BMC

Monday, June 27, 2005

Batsman Begins !!!

The story begins like this, there is this little kid born and brought up in Mumbai. He fears everything in this whole wide world, but the cricket ball. The red cherry brings this kid alive and makes him forget all his fears. At other times the kid is so afraid of things that he can’t even speak. But when it comes to slamming the cricket ball to all corners of the ground, he is upto the task, sometimes much better than what the task demands.

Ramakant Achrekar, a tough cookie when it comes to training lil kids, picks him up. He has made other not so super heroes of the likes of Gavaskar, Vengsarkar, Manjrekar (Cricketing Super-Heroes have “kar” as a suffix in place of the usual "man"). But he decides, this kid is “THE ONE”, the super hero of the millennium and trains him to perfection. The kid passes every possible examination (other than the ones at school) with flying colors… or rather flying boundaries.

And now the kid, Sachin makes his debut in the international arena (national and local arena not mentioned as the kid is way above those levels). The batsman makes his future plans clear… he wants to be an icon, a symbol for which the Indian cricket will always be proud of.

And so he becomes a legend, conquering one evil after another… All dreaded gangsters and evil-doers like Walsh, Ambrose, Wasim, Waqar, Warne, Murali, Mcgrath and every other possible source of evil is punished and the credit goes to Sachin. Now he too becomes a cricketing super-hero, (remember “kar”) and comes to be known at the best cricketing super-hero “Tendulkar”, A Legend.

He also keeps up his promise with his teacher and becomes an Icon, A Symbol. But there is one slight problem; he overdoes it. People don’t know with what to associate the Batsman. Was it a card, was it a soft drink, was it talk time for mobiles, was it a health drink, was it a bike, was it a car, was it petrol, was it a watch. Too many goddamn icons and symbols (to add to the confusion, another super-hero from films became an icon for every other product in the market). People got confused... Was their super-hero lost? Was he commercialized? Didn’t he care about their expectations on the cricket ground…

And like every cycle, this super-hero comes to the stage of a trough from where he just couldn’t pick up. He also contracted a disease that actually should be harming players of some other sport (tennis to be precise). Now the legend cant stand up to piddly crooks (read Razzaq, Dillon , Friend, Olonga etc etc) and has completely lost it. He is only seen on social get-togethers and ads. There is no way that the people can ever see him on the cricketing ground… To sum it all up… “He’s lost it”… and is brooding in some part of the world today.

Now, a new
dreaded evil drops his visiting card at Wankhede Stadium… Can the batsman counter him and regain the lost days of glory at the same time… its for you to decide…

adios…

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Pappu Pass Ho Gaya

Pappu (thats me) aakhir apna MBA ka exam mein pass ho gaya !!!

Not that i have been attemting these exams for the last 4 yrs, I have cleared them in my first attempt and now I have been tagged with a degree of MBA. Not that it is going to make any difference in me, but still I would believe it is the best tag that I could ever find :)

I am very happy now, and my next level of happiness would be, when I get the degree in my hands... and this time around I guess I am gonna get myself clicked with a "black square topi" and a degree in my hands :)


Till then...

adios...

Monday, June 20, 2005

Dekho Baarish Ho Rahi Hai!!!

As the legendary Anu Malik once stated…

“Dekho Baarish Ho Rahi Hai…
Its Raining… Its Raining… Its Raining “
(I wish I could have sung it than just writing it down here… I love imitating Anu Malik)

Its actually started raining out here in Mumbai. Looks like all of
Ralph’s efforts of marrying off donkeys for pleasing the rain-god have finally paid off. It’s a heavenly relief from the scorching heat that we had to go through all this summer. But at the same time rains have always been a source of “Deja-Vu” for me… Rains always have been a road down memory lane for me and every year the road seems to be just getting longer with all the years gone by providing me with various events to remember…

I love rains… it is so wonderful… the sight of the sky, the fragrance of the mud after the first droplets touch the ground, the beauty of lightning, the roaring of thunders, the frogs, the earthworms, the potholes (oops wrong selection), the drenched babes (now I am getting there… wet hair is so beautiful), the colourful umbrellas, the kiddo gumboots and lotsa other things that I love about rains…

But this year the rains don’t seem all that appealing to me… It takes a lot in me to make that statement, but seriously… the rains haven’t got me so excited this year… probable reasons

I cant get wet and completely sloshed… Have to report to office every day (*sigh*)

I cant relish a hot Vada Pav and Cutting Chai when I am in a complete drenched state

I cant play football in torrential rains (it rarely rains on Sundays when I have a day off)

I cant take a “Rain Stroll” in and around Mumbai… which I aimlessly used to do and actually enjoy

I cant be given a day off from work for getting drenched… I used to get a day off in college for the same reason (and get marked present too)

It just doesn’t rain on Sundays… Rains like cats and dogs on all other week days… But Sunday is strict NO NO… God Knows Why?

All I can do right now is to keep wishing that it rains so hard out here for the next coupla days that the train-services get disrupted and I have a day off to do whatever I just said I wanted to do… God… Are you listening? (
Or Do I have to get a new pair of donkeys married off again)

adios…

Friday, June 17, 2005

B-Log !!!

B-Log neither stands for Blog nor is related to blogging in any way or form… It is an interesting topic that RGV (Ram Gopal Varma) and I have always been intrigued about… Any Guesses?? (You want me to continue it the “forward mail” types where the answer is on the 1278th line and the only thing in between is “scroll”… “further”… “lil more”… “scroll further”… “you are just about there”… and so on)

B-Log is actually an acronym for the Mumbai underworld’s characters popularly known as “Bhai Log”. For the purpose of clarity the word “underworld” does not include subways, proposed metro railways, potholes and underground sewers.

You will find all kinds of these B-Logs at all suburbs of Mumbai (similar to finding all sorts of blogs out here in the blogosphere).

You can actually create a “Suburbs X B-Log Type” grid and carry out an in-depth analysis (re-call statistics and research methodology if any one can)

The Mumbai B-Logs have a lot in common to the online BLogs. They also have differences and the only one that I can think of right now is the hyphen i.e. ‘-‘, now back to the common features.

Both B-Logs and BLogs have crazy introductory lines… One says “Aye… Doon Kya Tereko Kharcha Paani?” and the other says “
Random Musings of thoughts worth forgetting”. Catchy… Very Catchy…

Both B-Logs and BLogs are colourful (sorry colourful applies to only chameleons & govinda)… both of them are “jhaaki naaki”. One has got “ah!!! so beautiful templates” and the other has got “ugh!!! so pathetic dressing sense”, but eventually both of them are “jhaaki naaki”

Both B-Logs and BLogs have comments on almost anything. The B-Log comments “Aye Kya Item Jaa Reli Hai Baap!!!” and the BLog comments “
Study Study”, but at the end of the day both of the comments are nothing but irritating.


Finally…

Both B-Log and BLog are a nuisance value to the public. Don’t believe me… Take a look at
Pappu Kangi And His Gang (the one in the dark glasses is Pappu Kangi) and read the World’s Worst Blog and you will realize that, they are nothing but nuisance value to the public at large.

adios…

PS: If this post didn’t make sense, then find B-Log and replace with Bhai Log and find BLog and do noting about it. If it still doesn’t, ask your ISP provider to block
http://iyerospace.blogspot.com for the betterment of you and your country :)

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Ctrl + Z (Undo)

Life with an “Undo” (Ctrl + Z) (Edit -> Undo) option would have been so wonderful…

I could have undone:
  • The hours that I spent, uselessly watching WWE…
  • The time that I spent sleeping, instead of exercising…
  • The last exam I wrote, where I failed miserably…
  • The decision I took, that had dire repercussions…
  • The decision I took, that backfired…
  • The module that I wrote, that gave more bugs than functionality…
  • The deadline I accepted, that could never be achieved…
  • The project that I undertook, that was never meant to be completed…
  • The career that I chose, which never was chalked out for me…
  • The last word I uttered, that hurt someone…
  • The friendship I made, that gave me a foe…
  • The relationship I entered, which never worked out…
  • The last peg I had, that made me puke…
adios…
PS: You are pretty unlucky that you don’t have the option of undoing the mistake of reading this post :)

Friday, June 10, 2005

Death Signs!!!

I was browsing through a website that had lot of good words (translated criticism) on “Signs”, made by our own Manoj Night Shyamalan. One of the flaws in the movie, as quoted in that website was the fact that “If the alien had to die of water, then how could they survive on earth, that has a lot of humidity in the air”. Point taken, a major flaw that is. But now that the movie is made, released and has had mixed reviews, nothing can be done about it. Then I thought to help the filmmakers (the kind & selfless person that I am) with certain alternate ways of destroying the aliens that are a threat to our earthly beings.

So Mr. Shyamalan(or any other filmmaker indulged in making movies of aliens including the ‘K’ woman… seriously the “saas & bahu” are no less than human devouring aliens), if you are reading this, better take a printout of this post for future reference. Here goes a set of steps by which you can eradicate the trace of aliens from the face of this earth…

Let the alien travel by a Virar local, in a classic chase for the protagonist. Breathlessness will ensure the life out of the alien.

Let the alien into a fish market at Mumbai and let it have a verbal fight with the fisher-women out here. God save those aliens and let their souls rest in peace.

Let the alien have a one-on-one discussion with our beloved railway minister “Laloo Prasad Yadav”. They will never ever think about invading us.

Let the alien have a sneak-peek of one of the ‘K’ serials. I am sure it will kill itself along with its mother (saas) and wife (saas ki bahu). It’s a sure shot case of “Killing 3 Aliens with one ‘K’ ”

Let Abhijit ask “definitions” of a lot of things from the alien-world. Death will be a much better option than trying to explain definitions to Abhijit

Let the alien have a "divya darshan" of either shehnaaz or the beacon (both belonging to Baangdu) and I am sure, it would never have seen any thing more grotesque than that and it will puke till death.

Let the alien accompany Bird, to a cutting chai and discussion at Happy. Something’s definitely gonna give way and I am sure Bird will come out alive.

Let the alien enter a beauty competition against Bhappi Da. Inferiority complex (about the lack of jewellery in their world) will take its toll and the alien will die a slow death.

And the best and the most fool-proof technique…

Let the alien watch Mithun-Da’s / Rajnikant’s movies. Competition from something more unreal than themselves will drive them crazy to their death.

OR

Let the alien listen to me singing… or worse let the alien read my blogs on an LCD monitor. Death is a surety in that case.

adios...

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Listen To Your Inner “Sole”

Everybody has a soul (unless you are Brendan Fraser and have sold yours to Liz Hurley) and you are expected to listen to it, consciously, unconsciously or sub-consciously. But I have faced a lot of embarrassment by not listening to my “Inner Sole”… Surprised? Read Along…

A couple of days ago, when I was getting my shoes polished, the guy told me that my shoes were loose and I should have an inner sole to my shoes that would help my shoes fit properly. I thought to myself, “Hell I have been wearing this shoe for the last x years and I have never felt anything like that and this guy comes up to me asking me to add inner soles… probably this guy wants to make money out of selling those inner soles to me… balls to this guy, I am not putting the soles right now…”. And I paid for the polish and resumed my life.

Today, I reached Andheri Station, 10 minutes early, so that I could hop onto the train and get a window seat. I see the train in striking distance (don’t think too much, I am still on the platform), and as soon as I get a chance, I jump into the train. Then some heaven sent dickhead stepped on my right shoe on the door, I step ahead and the shoe comes off. What’s worst is that the shoe sneaks onto the tracks from the space between the door and the platform. (Finally I realized, the shoe was actually loose)

I couldn’t proceed with my journey (on one shoe for sure) so I get down from the train(sigh I lost my window seat that was lying empty right in front of me). Neither could I retrieve the fallen shoe, as the train was “parked” right over it (and I am not as slim as paro and mannu to slide through the gap). So all I could do was to wait for the train to leave and I had to wait with two legs, one shoe and one exposed sock.

I was limping, with one leg longer than the other. People started noticing my “slender and exposed” leg. I gushed and felt shy (actually embarrassed). Then I took shelter in a corner, right under the footsteps of the bridge (I am short enough to fit into that place). Then some heavenly thought came over me and I posed as “Lord Krishna”, with my “no shoe” leg crossed over the one with the shoe and covered my exposed leg with my bag. I felt enlightened, as if I could feel my inner “soul” (or sole or whatever). The only thing missing was a flute (I had a lot of gopikas in the form of all the crowd from the ladies compartment) and I could actually play “Raas Leela” at Andheri Station. Sigh…I had to reach office on time…

The train departed, the next train was on its way… I jumped onto the tracks, took my shoe (surprisingly alive), got back to the platform and the first thing I did was go back to the same cobbler and buy a new pair of “inner soles”. Are haan, I even managed to get a window seat in the next train (hehe)… Now there is only one common thing between me and my shoes, we both have enlightened “souls” (soles)…

adios...

Monday, June 06, 2005

'K'

The story of one woman who Engulfed, Vandalized and Traumatized the Indian TV and Film Industry

So what if I saw 'D' yesterday. It’s a story about a man who “engulfed, monopolized and corporatized” the underworld. What if this post was “inspired” by the movie. But the idea is original and it solely belongs to me.

It’s about a woman who is crazy about “K”. God knows for what reason, but she has this fetish for “K”. Her father is one of the most famous “Jumping Jacks” of all times. He is so involved in jumping that he completely overlooks the fact that his daughter is growing in need of his love. He is never around when she needs him and he is always “jumping” around trees and around corners.

So the girl decides to take up the next best thing to “J(umping)”. Alphabetically the next thing to J is K and hence she decides to take up “K” as the goal/vision/mission of her life. Wherever she goes on in life, she decides the one thing that will always be with her i.e. “K”.

She takes up all professions from ‘K’achrawali to ‘K’aamwaali Bai, to ‘K’arate master in the suburbs of ‘K’andivali & ‘K’anjurmarg and is very successful at that. But she wants more out of life than just vessels and trash so she borrows money from ‘K’ommercial Banks and decides to make a living out of making television operas (though she never found a ‘K’ in television operas)

Then she launches one serial after another, each of which emit more tears than a basket full of “tear gas” explosives could ever do. She makes a lot of money and decides to buy a ‘K’ar and that too a very ‘K’omfortable one. She also decides to change her girlish look in ‘K’otton ‘K’asuals and ‘K’iller jeans to wearing sarees that too from ‘K’ancheepuram and she becomes a force to be reckoned with, in the Indian Economy.

Today she makes more ‘K’ash than any other person in the film and TV industry. She believes in her own ‘K’iller Instinct and ‘K’onfidence, whether it is the choice of films or serials that need to be made. She is also planning to marry a guy from ‘K’enya (or was it ‘K’anyakumari) and her only condition is that the guy should be a ‘K’unwara…

adios…
PS: Spent a lot of time in coloring those 'K's... if not the post, please appreciate the effort of coloring :)

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Church For Thought

Heard of food for thought... My food for thought mostly comes from a church at chakala at andheri (e). I dont know what they call them, but they have these beautiful quotes outside churches. Quite often people overlook them as they are too busy gathering "knowledge" from magazines, books, laptops etc. They are simple things that you think you know, but actually you tend to overlook these thoughts and ideas in life. Everytime you read them you feel some value added in you. But for me, whenever I am in a state of deep thought (rarely do I enter that state), its by reading these quotes outside churches. They are so simple yet thought provoking... thats what I like about them...

Let me share a couple of those quotes, or whatever with you

"Pride Looks at 'Who' is Right... Humility Looks at 'What' is Right"

"Nobody's ever gone blind by looking at the brighter side of things"

"Happiness is not about having what you want... Happiness is about wanting what you have"

simple yet mind blogging (ooops... boggling)... isn't it ?

adios

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Pay Check

I have received my first pay check(of the second innings of my career). I am not disclosing the amount as I fear the presence of Income Tax guys (IRS guys in US lingo) around the blog area.

I am very happy with this and I am going to spend a major part of it on my family. They rightfully deserve a major share of it...

Just wanted to share this news with you guys because I am sooooooo happy to be back in the earning zone. Treats to everyone will be provided later :)

adios