Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Kaun Banega Crorepati – Tritiya

Following the humongous success of KBC-I and KBC-II, the producers have decided to come up with yet another edition of the hindi version of “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire”. This one, for chronological reasons, will be called Kaun Banega Crorepati – Tritiya (This one is going to be sponsored by Miss K because her numerologist told her that this name would add up to 1, which would be the eventual TRP ratings for the serial and also she has paid additional royalty as the name of the serial begins with ‘K’)

There are certain things that are different with KBC-III (as they would like to call it pyaar se). first and foremost, the Big B, due to prolonged illness (Accept it yaar, a little tummy pain for the Big B is prolonged illness for the media and time for people to send SMS wishes and in-turn a chance for all media channels to mint some money) would not be providing his services as the host of the show. This time around, they host is going to be the all dashing, the all superstar, the pillar of the mallu film industry, Mohanlal (I forgot to add the prefix superstar, but he is very forgiving and forgive me in spite of me committing a heinous offence)

Insider sources from Iyerospace, have come up with hot and spicy news regarding KBC-III and they have stated that there were a spate of incidences at KBC – III, that called for cancellation of shoots and in turn cancellation of episodes and in turn “almost” cancellation of the show even before it started. After demanding and finally accepting profuse apologies, the channel and the promise to burn down the tapes of the episode, has STAR decided to go ahead with the show. As per the last news, the recorded tapes were confiscated by STAR… until… until a group of dare-devil journalists from Iyerospace laid their hands on these tapes and found the following grotesque videos…

Disclaimer: Some of the description of what was seen on the tapes would create graphic (read gory) images in your mind. So if you have such images / symptoms, please stop reading immediately and consult for family doctor / family psychic / family fortune cookie seller to erase those images from your head.

Note: Mohanlal (ML) reads with a million pauses in between and stress at all un-necessary places.

ML: Abs saare, Aabka phahela sawhaal, ek hhzhaar rubaiye ke liye, ab ye rahya…

Abhi: Define sawaal? Define Pehla?

ML: Err… ende amme… aabke options ab ye rahe… a… b… c… d…

Abhi: Define A, Define B, Define C, Define D… and where is “case else”?

ML: Arey bhaiyaaa… tum kya define define karda hai… we are back to sqwayar one…

Abhi: What do you mean by square one? Is it the square of one or the square root of one?

ML: Idhar sawaal mein boochega, tum sawaal mat boocho… tum jawaab do…

Abhi: Define sawaal? Define Jawaab? Define Poocho?

ML: (slapping and beating himself wildly) Arey combuter… isko lyock mat karew… arey body guards… isko lyock karew… isko lege jaao… mein pag gaya…

ML: Aalyaab saare, das hhazaar rubaiye ke liye, aabka sawaal, ab ye rahya…

Alap: What is the framework of the question and what is the mobility index of the same?

ML: huh?

Alap: I mean what is the rank of the polymorphic distributive justice of options available?

ML: Arey bhaiyaa… ye kya bol rahe ho…

Alap: The point is, that the angle of levitation of the question should not reduce the chances of the probability of the right answer thereby making it difficult to deduce!!!

ML: Aalyaab, what laangwage is this? This doesn’t sound like Malayalam…

Alap: You stupid indisciplined bitch… I will bitch-slap you all the way till eranakulam and cut your balls and stick it on your forehead…

ML: arey bhaiyaaaa, qyostin to poochne do…

Alap: First answer this and then go ahead with asking the question baanc@#d...

ML: Cut karew, abhi cut karew nahi tho mein thiruvananthapuram jaa raha hoon…

ML: Bird saare, aabka naam aisa kaisa hai?

Bird: Blame happy restorent for that… its third grade… the tea sucks…

ML: Bird saare, aabka agla sawaal, yek karewd ke liye, ab ye raha…(options a/b/c/d)

Bird: I have the answer in my PDA, but I cannot use it… my PDA doesn’t have Alt+Tab

ML: To aab lifeline yuse karna chahenge? Eg hi lifeline hai aabke paas… flib!!!

Bird: Saala lifeline change kar sakta hai aur mera PDA mein document change nahi kar sakta hai… saala waste hai ye PDA… aur apoo bhi waste hai… abhi tak cover nahi bheja…

ML: To aab kyuut karna chahenge?

Bird: What more shall I quit re ML… I quit smoking, I quit Viji and now here… no I wont quit…

ML: To kya karna chahenge aab?

Bird: I will live and not answer and yet not be responsible for whatever happens on this show… I am the last hope for humanity (with new shoes)

ML: Koi isko lege jaao yaar… mein bak gaya iska bakaoogiri sunke… koi isko leke jaao…

ML: Aaj hamaare saath baithe hai Mr Baro… u have got lauuuuly hair…

Paro: Thank you… I use three different types of shampoo (all washable) all at the same time…

ML: Yand a nice shirt too…

Paro: Yes it is the same shirt, which I had worn for a photo-shoot for mid-day…

ML: Baroji, Aabka agla sawaal, baanch hazaar ke liye, ab ye raha…

Paro: Sawaal paanch hazaar ka hai ya prize money paanch hazaar ka? Confuse mat kar!!!

ML: Sawry, price mani baanch hazaar ka hai…

(and the question is asked and paro answers)

ML: To ye final jawaab hai, lock kar diya jaaye?

Paro: Abe aye, chu bana raha hai kya? Lock kaise karega, tere paas key kidhar hai?

ML: Ye idhar ka terminology hai…

Paro: To tu kya idhar ka terminator hai?

ML: Bakao mat merego…

Paro: Achal bol, tera monitor washable hai ki nahi?

ML: Washable, why?

Paro: I have washable keyboard, washable mouse, washable CPU, now all I need is a washable monitor and I will own one full washable set… hehe…

ML: Isgo idhar se baahar nigaalo… nahi to mein baagal ho jaayega!!!

Our sources tell us that superstar Mohanlal is suffering serious brain hemorrhage and is being treated for in ayurveda, allopathy and homeopathy all at the same time because just one faculty of medicines doesn’t have a cure for his state of affairs. Miss K has a hand written apology sent to STAR and superstar Mohanlal and both have agreed to continue with the show. Both the channel and Miss K have sent a writ petition directly to the supreme court and charged these guys of being responsible for loss of their mental imbalance.

adios…

Update: Iyer was also there on KBC III, and is claimed to have won two crores… which would be graciously used for out of court settlement with Miss K and STAR.

39 comments:

APOO said...

OK. Alap one cracked me up! Perfect thaa!

Dhamaal post bhai....

KJ said...

PRICELESS IYER, Just PRICELESS....

ROTFL!!!!!


KJ

paras said...

Priceless!!! ... iyer i will have to buy ur blog using master card .. one of my school friends surname is "Master" so i will have to borrow his card ... for that i'll have to goto houston .. to go there i will need some money ... so iyer u will have to sponsor my trip to houston to get the "master card" .. post that i will be able to buy ur blog

infected said...

This onej is dee bessdd yevayr ...

:)

iyer education said...

apoo: i am audience to such prolific english... it obviously had to rub-off on me ;)

kj: thanks... if you find this priceless, you can take a printout and gift it to ur hubby... everyone is happy with a priceless gift... isnt it?

paras: i am happy that your friend's surname is not "ration" or "report" or else you looking around for those reports wont be too good...

alap: one last time (after this your wife wont permit me to do this)... I LAHUUU YOU... and god bless you with a great married life :)

Kuttan said...

This is really funny man..

SCRIBBLEZ TO WAKEUP said...

Really hilarious.....Looks like ideas are swellling in your, shall I say growing brain :) and this gap/holiday (abstinence from blogging) has done you good...Wonder what will happen to Lal if he screens this blog?? You may get into the MIMICKRY buziness

Demi Goddezz said...

HEHHE ...IYERO..FUNDOOOO MACHAN...

weise Abhis u have to rewrite..nowadays he gives his own definitions with his questions...

and u cant Lahuu Alap ...Kyun Khoon karne ki baatein kartha hein?

Vinaya HS said...

I don't think I can type more. ROTFLMAO.

iyer education said...

scribblez: if lal screens this blog then i am dead... forget about mimickry... i hope he doesnt read this... but yes i do have some ideas returning into the head...

kuttan: true mallu name haan? ur welcome

winny: machaan... let me confess my love to alap one last time before his wife starts tormenting him and me... aur mein alap ka khoon nahi kar sakta

vinaya: HS is high school? just kiddin... enjoy

IdeaSmith said...

LOL, Iyer you're grrreatt saar! Huccome Apoo wasn't on this show?

Bombayite said...

Lal Ettan rocks!!!

KBC 4 in hindi would be KBC Chu@#$@#$??

Bird said...

Iyer you underestimate me.

iyer education said...

idea: i havent met apoo yet... so dont know much about his behaviour / style et al... hence he is forgiven... once he does meet me, i will include him in all future posts :)

bombayite : LOL... man tht wud really be something

Bird: i am the ONLY one who believes that you are the last hope for humanity (with new shoes) and you say this to me :)

Demi Goddezz said...

Iyero:CHal kar le confess..tu bhi kya yaad rakhega..
Btw In School the kids and teachers call me MISS K....:P

IdeaSmith said...

Haven't met him as yet????I thought u guys grew up together...what with all those Nanguy tales.

iyer education said...

winny: meine fone karke confess kar liya... ab mein chain se mar sakoonga... totally filmi :P

idea: i am no nanguy... recall all nanguy tales and iyer doesnt feature there... forget all that... iyer doesnt feature on "nanguys on the blog" but features on "heartfelt" on JOSHIENIZER... pls check for urself... and haan i know abhi from my previous workplace and thus came to know the other nanguys thru him...

Demi Goddezz said...

Iyero: Tere Bina Yeh Blogosphere khali kahli lagega ,,Dont die Pliss..and who else can will I keep a check on :P:P

and without u Bird kya kareaga ..he will jump from the sky and kill himself ..Poor poor bird..and then Viji ..

APOO said...

Winny: nothings going on between Iyer and Bird. I think u have the wrong idea. They can live without each other. But I cannot live without Bird.

Idea: Nanguys = Anyone born (or close to born) and resident (for most part of his life) of Nandanvan. This is Bird, Abbs n Me, Pals and others u wudnt know of.

Iyer: U have seen me! When you were in micro mini chadds and salman style Banyan (I know, u were dragged out). U dont remember, or u just refuse to I guess!

IdeaSmith said...

O okees, thenk yew for the clarification.

iyer education said...

apoo: yes i have seen you, but the only word that i listened was "hi"... and pls dont mention micromini chaddis here :P

idea: ur welcome

winny: i know i know... but bird can survive on happy and its cutting... aur rahi viji ki baat, i will arrange for an extra marital affair with her for her to keep company

Bird said...

Iyer, kya waste aadmi hai tu...trying to marry me to my imaginary girlfriend (i refuse to accept viji to be her name) & then setting up an extra-marital affair.

hmm... iyer in his trademark chadds...i can understand why you still remember the meeting & iyer cant...also pops, sorry to inform you but since you saw iyer in his micro mini chadds, your first child will be born traumatized, he/she will have recurring nightmares of iyer in those chadds.

iyer education said...

bird: firstly, pls understand that apoo has been seeing your face since his childhood... so you may think about the problematic consequences (read trauma) that his entire lineage to follow will have to go through... it is nothing compared to his first kid having nightmares abt chadds..

and secondly, i was talkin abt my marriage and an extra marital affair with viji post that... i dont give a damn if she is married to you or is single or is married to anyone else... i just care abt viji... and noone else

Demi Goddezz said...

Apoo:there is another thing here ..if bird dies then who will read my poems?

Iyer:Grrr....Viji is truly forever only Bird's// Iyer dont u dare:P

Bird said...

Arre Iyer kyon gussa ho raha hai? mazaak kiya.

To whomsoever may be concerned, Iyer wearing his micromini chadds is not a traumatizing sight , instead its a...uhhh...sight to behold. I withdraw all the insensitive comments made towards the said micromini chadds & apologise to the wearer who squeezes into them, somehow.

Ab to khush hai tu.

iyer education said...

bird: terepe kabhi gussa ho sakta hai kya mein... i LAHUU you...

winny: tu ham do dost aur viji ke beech mein daraar mat daal... :P

abhi said...

eyrree .. ekdom khol ke pyaar se mara hai baba

Demi Goddezz said...

Iyer: u can Lahuuu Bird and Alap at the same timme..not allowed ...

and pliss Viji is exclusive only and only for for Bird...tu daraar mat daal :P

Abs:Put ur contacts on when u write the comments :)

iyer education said...

abhi: i am sorry if you felt offended... i really am... (wimps and cries)

winny: arey yaar.. tu jeet gayi... viji bird ki hai

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