Friday, December 16, 2005

Another one bites the dust!!!

FINALLY… let me say that again, that too in CAPS LOCK… FINALLY, my dearest buddy got married on 15th Dec 2005. Let me remember that date again, so that I may not sin by forgetting to wish him on that day and gain his wrath, that too in such prolific English that I don’t understand and I keep feeling like he is praising me. Hence, 15th Dec 2005 is one unforgettable date for me.

I won’t say much about his marriage coz it was meant to be a hush-hush affair. But there is one thing after marriage, called “Suhaag Raat” translated as… okay I don’t know the English equivalent of “Suhaag Raat”, so let us, for practical reasons call it “First Night” of marriage, which is supposed to be special. It was then planned to gate-crash this special night of the just married couple. At this juncture, let me plead innocence for the fact that the plan to gatecrash was not made by me, but by this cruel friend of mine. (Do not go by his smart looks or innocent expressions… he is one CRUEL fellow… he he he…)

So here I was waiting for the bride and the groom to arrive at a lush five star hotel near town, which coincidentally is much closer to my office. So after waiting for approximately 4 hours (okay I am not trying to portray anything goody goody about myself, but believe me, this was worth the wait) which consisted of having unlimited coffees and equally number of leaks taken, I finally met the couple. I could hardly believe my eyes, he was actually married. And I was very happy for him. Happy is an understatement, I was very very happy for him. And then followed the cruel friend and paras. For some strange reason, the cruel friend decided to keep his sunglasses on at 10:00 in the night, but what the heck, he was looking SMART… he is… but please don’t go by his looks… he is CRUEL… :)

And after the formalities of checking in, we go to the suite on the 32nd floor. Now I have been high a lot of times (mainly after drinking daroo), but this time around, I was really high… you know what I mean… really really high. So we get into the room, well furnished, lighted, nice ambience et al. The groom then gives us one stern warning “tumlog sab idhar 11:00 baje tak kalti hona mangta hai” translated “leave this place before 11.00 PM and leave us alone”. Let me tell you, we haven’t taken him very seriously at a lot of occasions and we decided that let this be another addition to those occasions ;)… he he… just kiddin yaar…

Then, like a group of archeologists, we check the place out… The cruel friend checks the bar, the groom (for obvious reasons) checks the bed, the pillows et al, paras checks the furniture and I had been left with nothing but the toilet… so in all good spirits I checked out the toilet… okay lets be more decent and call it bathroom… and what a royal thing it was. I kept checking it again and again and again and kept telling myself that if I couldn’t afford a suite, I sure would collect enough funds to hire a five star toilet… that too with a bath-tub.

Enter the beautifully grotesque “Baangdu” and he came with “stock”, which in general terms is “daroo” or “alcohol”, but poor fellow forgot to bring soft-drinks to go along with the daroo and did he get a bashing or what, for this act of his.

Then we were joined by “spiderman buddeeeeeeeeeeeeee” guy… Seriously, you should look at him saying buddeee (its not buddy) he looks like spiderman climbing a wall with one hand and releasing an invisible web with the other and we were laughing on the fact that he arrived via the door instead of climbing the whole building up using his webbed arms and legs.

But all was soon forgotten and there was a traditional cake cutting (now I cant stop laughing here as I am writing this thinking what the hell is so traditional about 7-8 people cutting cake at someone else’s suhaag raat).

Then followed a spate of poor jokes that made us laugh our guts out. I guess it has got something to do with the groom’s abilities to inspire all of us to come up with poor jokes like these and these. Let me give a quote a few of those here…

(We are waiting ice to go with daroo and softdrinks and the ice needs to be ordered from room service)

Groom: Bride, just call up and order room-service (now what the hell is “order room service”)
Everyone: bruhahahahahahahaha
Me: I think, tereko PSRS ho raha hai… he he
Groom: What is PSRS?
Me: Pre-Suhaag-Raat-Syndrome… he he
Everyone: hahahahaha

(We have one round of drinks and I accompany them with 2 glasses of water and the groom orders for 2 additional coke’s… the waiter comes with the stuff and gives the bill to the groom)

Groom: Holy f@#k!!! 2 Cokes… 240 bucks… I can’t believe this
Me: Poora vasool kar… Coke ko spoon se dheere dheere pee…
Everyone: One blank look and the other instant… gaaahahahahahahahaha

And finally, we decide to have dinner at around 11:30 pm and we decide to leave the place. Me, paras and Baangdu decide to leave for our houses without joining them for dinner. Cruel Friend and Spiderman Buddeeeeee Guy decide to join them for dinner and leave after that (though I cannot say with conviction if Cruel Friend stuck to his idea of gate crashing and staying all night with the couple) and on the way there was one final PJ between me and Paras.

Me: Paras, agar ye Bride Groom Wapas aayega aur “Do Not Disturb” ka board bahar laga diya to ye log andar nahi jaayega kya? (and there is quite laughter between me and paras which was a sort of gesture of respect for each other’s PJ’s)

All said and done, I would remember last night for two reasons… one because my buddy got married and second because I saw the best bathroom of my life in that suite… I was very very happy for him… I still am… and I wish the most sporting married couple… cmon guys… give it to them… they allowed 6 guys to gate crash their “Suhaag Raat” and I salute them for their sportiveness. Finally, I would pray that they have a happy and a prosperous married life ahead of them and god bless them with all the happiness and prosperity required throughout their life.


PS: God, if you are reading this, please stop the Cruel Friend from slapping me (he would like to call it obliterating me from the face of this earth) once he reads this.


Demi Goddezz said...

Alap:congrats man..Loads n Loads of love and luc and u and prachi:)

Bird said...

Shit I missed it.

The best loo, that is.

paras said...

Note: I did not crack any PJ yesterday.


Awesome experience, they sometimes coin n say "cant have the cake n eat it too" had the cake, gatecrashed,had a spectacular close surveillance (though the target was not a person) at the restroom, shooted pjs,got a blog idea too in the end...u wer blessed me thinks!! :) :) :)

Anonymous said...

peace iyer .. will not slap you next year

(on some lonesome tuesday)

KJ said...

Congrats to Alap n his wife. Wishing them both a very happy married life.