Wednesday, November 09, 2005

The Ten-headed Mortals!!!

Okay, okay let me first start with the credits. It is pretty strange but the credit for this post should go to Bird. I was talking to him over phone; actually I am still doing it as I am typing this. We were talking about how overburdened with work we (actually him) are… and that’s when I told him to meditate upon Ravana and ask for 9 additional heads (needless to say 18 additional hands… now don’t go into other body parts and start talking about 9 additional di#$% and 18 test@#$%s… this is supposed to be a family blog and is rated as ‘U’ and not ‘A’ or ‘X’ by the blog censor board).

It was about this time when I could clearly see a bulb lighting over my head (actually it was the tube light over the next table) clearly depicting an idea for the next post and I thanked Bird for the idea that dawned upon me (some lame formalities of giving credits you see) and proceeded to write this. This place onwards, whatever is written on this post; the credit SHOULD NOT go to Bird.

So, the point of this post would be… “What would certain (blogger) mortals do, if they had 10 heads?” So where do I start? Which mortal do I pick first? Hmmm… *think think think*… Why not the source of the idea itself… To chalo, “Shree Birdesh” karte hain ;)

Bird

· A pack of Wills will get emptied within the time in which one Wills is burnt. It’s a very simple equation. And here it goes

Ten heads = Ten Mouth = One Wills Per Mouth = Packet Over in one go

· Bird can read ‘6 Harry Potters’, ‘3 LOTR’s’ and ‘1 Dalai Lama’ book all at the same time and keep complaining “Mereko koi Harry Potter ke baare mein samjhaayega kya?” (translated: can somebody explain me anything about the Harry Potter books)

· Bird can at least have 10 pegs at the same time thus saving us some precious time which we spend waste on looking at bird pecking at his drink after we have already finished our quota of drinks.

Abhi

· Assuming that the other 9 heads have proper eyesight, abhi can finally see the world in all its true colors. What better way of restoring eyesight of abhi, where people are trying to get funds and all…

· I guess I will get company. There will be at max 9 other people (remember: 18 additional hands) who will get slapped simultaneously along with me. So, it won’t be always me, who bears abhi’s brunt.

· And how can I forget this part. We (normal human beings) can be asked for 9 additional definitions or will be provided with 9 additional definitions and get confusedest. So grab your encyclopedias / dictionaries / whatevers before abhi has those 9 additional heads.

Apoo

· By simple mathematics, I can derive that apoo can propose forty women all at the same time. With one head he managed four and had no response (actually there was one, but with a lot of “shoe strings” attached, so I will count it as none), so it isn’t rocket science. The chances of getting a response from at least one also increases with the 9 additional heads.

· 9 additional heads means 9 additional types of kebabs. We could expect to see weirder forms of kebabs like pigeon kebabs, crow kebabs, cockatoo kebabs, parakeet kebabs … finally getting to Bird Kebabs… (oh how he’d love to make em and serve em)

Idea

· A total of 10 heads will mean 5 new blogs (in addition to the existing 5) and each head is assigned one blog. The 5 new blogs will be called
behindofficewhat goes on with women after office hours
xxsmithyideasmith, the lady
alternatecapersalternate escapades of ideasmith
cobwebsideaideas that are stuck up in cobwebs and cant make it
ideafactorfactors that ideasmith likes (including salmon kebabs)

· She would have to write 10 different posts if she had to quit blogging. So the idea of writing those 10 posts to quit blogging would in itself fear her and she would continue blogging.

Winny

· The speed at which the profile pic is changed will increase 10 fold. Obviously because we have 9 new heads, which means more and more photos of each individual head. Right now with 1 head, it’s around 2 days. With 9 additional heads, this timeframe will be reduced to 5 hrs approx.

· 9 additional heads = more storage space. Abhi you’d asked for it, winny will have it; more memory is what I am talking about. She can store innumerable details about t-top, bird’ s piping story, apoo’s dog chase, oh not to forget baandgu’s budday (I do remember that… its somewhere in October right?)

· 9 additional heads = 9 additional poetries. And bird will be the happiest. He expects one poetry a day. So with this, winny can complete her weekly quota in one sitting and still have 3 additional heads to take care of comments in at least 3 torturerzzz simultaneously.

Alap

· 10 heads for alap means all things (including “bombil fry” and “chicken manchow soup”) “one by two” will be rephrased as “10 by 20”.

· Pandus / Tholas (read cops) will have to face the MOST stressful situation of their lives when they catch hold of alap jumping a signal and they will have to face 10 heads talking to them at the same time and that too in ENGLISH… cases of suicides by cops will increase exponentially.

Yours Truly

· You will have Sanjeev Kumar, SPB, Kumar Sanu, Nitin Mukesh, Om Prakash, Ashok Kumar, Jagdeep, Amitabh Bachhan, Shatrughan Sinha and Dharmendra all of them talking to you at the same time. This can get harmful to your health so you better be insured when you are near yours truly with 10 heads

· One person (preferably bird/abhi/paras/alap/manu) should be carrying a bucket (better idea, sintex tank) along with yours truly. With the amount tears that will be generated with wimps and cries from those 10 heads you surely need something to hold them.


I don’t know what prompted me to write this… now I remember… its BIRD… so if you have anything against this post, please direct all your criticisms to bird. I can handle the favourable views…

adios…

44 comments:

paras said...

how bout one person with heads of 10 different people?

a robot with krupal, bird, abhi, alap, iyer, apoo, idea, winny, mundrie and chandi!!!

paras said...

krupal n alap's head sud be next to each other n krupal playing with alap's toy gun

iyer education said...

paro: that is not a good idea at all... with abhi, alap and krupal all in one body... such a person may end up killing himself for all the trauma he's going through... so lets just drop the idea

btw: if paro has 10 heads, his shampoo budget may overshoot exponentially with exceptionally long tresses on each of the 10 heads ;)

infected said...

Apoo can service 10 HDAs.

10 headed Mannu would mean India and Somalia coming at par with food reserves.

10 headed Hilma would mean the invention of a new spam blocker.

10 headed Prachi would mean 10 headed Alap being totally worth it.

10 headed Abhi would mean Bausch & Lomb uncorking champagne bottles.

10 headed Paro would mean the invention of a new joke genre.

10 headed Krupal would mean 10 mouths to feed and 10 assholes to loose control over.

10 headed Baangd :) will flood the city with sweat, kill intellectuals with bad logic and bring pleasure to 10 aunties at once.

iyer education said...

alap: you know you should have written this post... all of them are HILARIOUSESTEST... especially mannu, hilma, paro and finally BAAAANGDUUUU

Lord of all Things said...

-10 headed me would be like 10 times more of vacum with me than normal..
-also...one shampoo bottle at the same time...
-and my bed will have triangular shape..
-10 mouths of sidey comments in the class.
-10 fold sneezing in allergic times...and a bucket ful of nose goo
and 10 times more the rate of heart attack in junta on seeing my face..

1 view of my face= 1 heart attack per day in hyd
10 views=?

and 10 mouths to get cleaned..!!

SCRIBBLEZ TO WAKEUP said...

The statement "Can't you see I have only TWO hands, will be ancient history, thanks to new developments and in economic terms its one person consuming more and more.So wht hapens to the per capita consumption? Does it remain as per capita or per capita with 9 heads and a tax for each additional head!!! Ok ..I am lost in some banter....Good idea iyerospace....:)

Demi Goddezz said...

Iyer:Mast Post..

About my pics.. comeon i told ya I had nothing better to do...

About Abhi's Memory.. Have U any clue whats going on inside his head.. And u want me to store all that??????.Under one condition.. al memory subject to Word. i mean Memory Verification by me..

About poems.. i think u will find more from now on .. so dont worry...

Anonymous said...

Iyer:Man you shouldnt have changed your name...:-( i liked rumpy...
Anyways...Great post :-)...but ithink you must think of this..if abhi had ten heads..dont you think you assumed when you say he'l hut 9 other people...im thinking he would use all of to smack the hell outa ya :-)) he h ehe..man ..just imagine how that would feel..:-)

paro: That was an amazing idea...alaps head next to krupals...Im sure someone would get killed...:-)I still cant get that incident out of my head ...about the photo of anil kapoor in krupals house..Lol..

APOO said...

No parakeets maaaan.... no parakeets!

iyer education said...

LoAT: you had been spared bcoz of lack of knowledge about you... the only thing that i knew abt you were your poetic talents... but then thanks for the knowledge... will keep that in mind when i write a post about 10000000 heads ;)

scribblez: seriously man... never thought of economics then... i told ya, you were good.... all i know about economics is that 10 heads = costlier entry in discos and pubs coz the entry there is charged "per head"

winny: poems, pics, memories, buddays.... BRING THEM ON :)

pals: 2 hands has enough meat to get me dead... dont even think about 20... ah finally someone liked my name... you will get used to this one too :)

apoo: why no parakeet? is it because it sounds like "chayageet" and you have some emotional connection with "chayageet"?

abhi said...

10 mouths = more daaru intake = more hangovers ...

yea ... like i care bout the latter

hey bandhulog ... mes off frm here in under 24 hours now .. will prolly put a post before i leave .. dont think so though ...

till soon ...

PS: Apoo, ur package will come in soon ... will blog bout that */evil grin/* ... i want you to do the same too

Apoo, Pals: im gonna be available in my hotel room by 11:30 PM EST tonite ... if thats an ok time .. i might send across a number nevertheless if im out ..

iyer education said...

abhi: biraadar, SP style, come fast come fast, dont be slow

apoo: kya tha re package mein?

Demi Goddezz said...

Iyer:Patience...

Abs: i heard this song and was thinking of all u Bewdaaas..

"Woh sharaabi kya sharaabi, jo nashe mein na rahe
Woh sharaabi kya sharaabi, aise jo tauba kare
Woh sharaabi kya sharaabi, dil mein jiske gham na ho
Loot gaya samjho sharaabi paas jiske hum na ho "

PS:/* its Mausami.. */

iyer education said...

winny: correction, its tullee masters, not bewadas... bewadas sounds so rude :P

Demi Goddezz said...

UH oH.. Apologies Apologies...

DEAR TULLEE Masters...

it was Mausami.. go tell her..;)

iyer education said...

this is fundastic stuff... you do all the lafda and blame poor mausami... for all i know she may not even exist... ye sab nahi chalega idhar... oh by the way, how does mausami look?

Demi Goddezz said...

hhha Iyer,good question.To be answered ..Not by me..But By Abs..Ask him during ur Tullee Sessions.. It seems he saw her first....

iyer education said...

winny: are you good with anti-thesis or are you good with anti-thesis?

how can abhi see someone? are you fooling around here?

Demi Goddezz said...

Thats the whole point..the stuff Abs sees,,Normal humans cant...samjo yaar ..

APOO said...

"Woh Sharabi, hai sharabi jo CT mai rahen,
Woh Sharabi hai Sharabi, jo IB hee piye,
Woh sharabi hai sharabi jiska bombil fry bhi ho
Pak gaya samjho sharabi, iyer ko slep karo"

APOO said...

errr... that was slap... but slep sounds better!

iyer education said...

slep=mallu form of slap... so its better
and u are gettin good at makin parodies... keep it up... we may need all the stock of parodies when we meet up at CT :)

APOO said...

And while I am at it....

Arz kiya hai....
(waah waah)
arz kiya hai...
(waah waah)
Arz kiya hai...

"Unhoonay kahan aadab, aadab
Unhoonay kahan aadab, aadab
Unhoonay kahan aadab, aadab

Aur daba diya toh buraa maan gayen"

I shud sleep....
I get poetic when I dont sleep

iyer education said...

waah waah !!! ab ye suno
tere charche gali gali isme koi shaq nahi
tere charche gali gali isme koi shaq nahi
sab ne teri g##$d maari, kya mera koi haq nahi


waah waah...
(gladiator esshtyle) now let the shayaris begin ;)

Demi Goddezz said...

OMG...hehe mast poems Iyer and Apoo...

paras said...

ek sher aarz kar ne ki gustakhi kar raha hu ... pasand aaye toh taali zaroor bajana

toh keh te hai

zamaane se teri tasveer chupa ke baathroom mein laga rakhi hai,

wah wah
wah wah

zamaane se ... teri ... tasveer ... chupa ke baathroom mein laga rakhi hai,

kya baat hai

deedaar ho tera baar baar issliye julab ki goli kha rakhi hai ;)

Demi Goddezz said...

Paro:Fundoooo....Yeh tum logon ko ho kya gaya hein??..When Abs comes back..he will find all changed TULLEE SHAYAR MASTERS...hhah..nice i can hear the OTS sounding high now....oops

Lord of all Things said...

what it is?? what is yahoo id being?? give ?

APOO said...

Wah Paro Wah!

Maazaa aa gaya!

Lord of all Things said...

Arey arey .. yeh to shayari sammelan ho gaya...!!
As i cant write off shayari for nuts.. lemme write one of my famous poems:

"bird in the skies, bird in the skies..
spreading her goo as it flies,
her goo falls on iyer's shirt,
she then laughs and rolls in dirt,
iyer gets all pissed off,
catches her and makes his dinner off!"

*ducks from the rotten tomatoes and eggs!!*

APOO said...

Lord, you have no clue. But you have made food out of poor ol Bird and made Iyer eat him. Dhamaal!!!

Lord of all Things said...

@apoo: i knew a certain bird existed.. i just took the risk:D.. and as i have written the poem anyway..lets change the gender to"he" make it apt!!

iyer education said...

LoAT: no yahoo id using... gmail hai... chalega to bolo... profile mein pada hua hai... aur why are you trying to defame me and bird of all people... now i will think my darnest worst to make a poem about you... and pick a partner of your choice too ;)

paro: kya sher hai... waise does this reflect upon any of your reasons to not visit places outside... ghar ke baahar nahi jaane ka ye ek reason hai kya?

winny: abhi ab aa gaya hai... ab jo hoga dekha jaayega...

apoo: dont jhaad pe chadhaofy other people to make fun of bird and poor ol me...

Lord of all Things said...

iyer is this on of the points i explained in my post.. no yahoo id katte!!
yeh sure write one:p and i choose jhonny depp .. best pardner:D
none of these mortals around !

iyer education said...

gmail's the best... baaki sab band hai :)
imaginary characters are not allowed... so select someone living and someone who can puke on you (coz thats the theme of the poem)...

Bird said...

Keep Bird away from you guys' crap.

iyer education said...

bird: you biatch... you go and cry fowl about me and my singing on other blogs and here i am supporting you and you say that... you WILL suffer for this... now you will have to listen to me singing for the next 72 continous hours :)

Lord of all Things said...

iyero... now i have created this 'dost dost naa raha' situation between u ppl:D im happy evil deed of the day done:D!!

Lord of all Things said...

okay:D write on me and apoo:D

Brad said...

Unadulterated BullShit, man. :-D

Kudos.

iyer education said...

brad: welcome to iyerospace...

Bird said...

Finally someone other than me recognised you :)

Bird said...

Sometimes does make you wonder what people expect when they come to a site called Iyerospace.