Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Poems in a Mallu Life...

Disclaimer: The poems stated herein do not reflect my views on keralites / malayalis and are made just out of pure humour. So in case you have a problem with these poems, you use your own wits and start writing poems about Iyer’s and please don’t forget to send me the link. I would love to read them.

This post is the result of a combined force-cum-threat made by Pals and Winny. I had to do this for the betterment of mankind or else pals would have unleashed rains across the world. Also this post has saved the world, since winny has decided to outsource poem-writing to me. Poems and winny are again very similar to rain-gods and pals. So if you are on the verge of unconsciousness after reading this post, think again, things could have been worse… you would be submerged under the wrath of the rain-gods and the only thing left after the aftermath would have been poems penned by winny.

These poems reflect the life-span of an average Keralite / Malayali at various stages of his life. I have considered the protagonist to be a man because we find a lot of female protagonists here (also I can’t say anything about mallu women… coz I have enough reasons to like them). So here goes nothing… There are intentional spelling mistakes to, to make the pronunciations sound more mallu… hence all comments relating to spell check will be ignored…

Age: 2 Mnths

Comprehend these peopull, I can none…
Am I going to be a Nair or a Menon…
Ryight now oll of them seem just one…
Leddus gryow up and then haav some fun…

Age: 10 Yrs

I yaam Unnikrishnan, 10 yrs of age…
Good at maaaths, baad at lyanguage…
I yaam way too matured for my age…
Don’t tyest my tember orr my rage…

Age: 22 years

I yaam tyondy too(22), oll by my self…
I aalso haav an appointment, to go to gelf…
It is an oyil combany, the name is elf…
My aandy & ungle (in gelf) will provide oll the help…

Age: 29 years

I yaam tyondi nayan (29), yet a baahchelor…
Returning from gelf (to India) once in a leap year…
Finally, I have listened to amma and come here…
To get maaried and return to gelf with wife dear…


Age: 45 yrs

Now I am settled, with two liddle (actually grown up) kiddo…
The daughter is Lijji and the son is Bijjo…
Gelf is funnnn, but not like home…
I have lyots of money, but no time to go home


Age: 60 Yrs

Now I am retired and taking rest…
But there is surya and there is asianet…
Kids are gone, they haav left us oll…
Now my pastime is Mr Mohanlyaall…


adios…
(no… no… no… not the big ones… take the tiny stones… they don’t hurt that much)

63 comments:

Bird said...

Nice One Iyer.

Demi Goddezz said...

Bindaas Machaan...now i can go back to writing my poems../*EVIL LAUGH/*

Pals actually might take back his agreement with the gods after reading this...

APOO said...

Iyer, best I have heard till now. Amazing!! Thought of putting this up on MTV or V? I'll finance... since Bird wont!

IdeaSmith said...

You are aaaalvayzz dee best, machaan! More, more, MORE poetry!

abhi said...

ekdum raapchik bhai

Anonymous said...

LO AND BEHOLD !!! the iyer unleashes his poetic talents :-)))(a little credit should go to me as i MADE him do this...)
Iyer :awesome poetry man....:-)
winny:I will keep my promise to iyer...i shall spare them all for a while...

PALS...

Demi Goddezz said...

pals: For a while?? Iska kya matlab Hua???

Anonymous said...

winny:Zimbly put ..it means as long as my demands(which shall be excessive)are met by rumpy and the other bandhus around the world:-)
MU HA HA HA HA...

Sundar said...

hilarious post, chetaan..."simbly" said, u sure can write....very well...

iyer education said...

bird: i always told ya... u dont ignore me... you adore me... and for once, you accepted it :)

winny: you and pals made me write it... now you can go ahead and write any number of poetries you would like to write... i am sure you wud come up with somethin on iyers ;)

apoo: chal jaldi finance kar... i will sell this on surya tv... mallus will like it ;)

idea: more poetry needs more "ideas"... what to do yaar :(

abhi: bhaaaaiiiii

pals: take the credit or whatever you want to take... but keep rains away... pls keep your demands limited... coz not fulfilling them wud not hurt you that much if the demands are less :)

sundar: thanks pal... i did realise i can write... i wish i had the power to read what i had written :)

Lord of all Things said...

u are good rumpy... but u can never rival my poems..;)

iyer education said...

LoAT: it took a pretty long time for you to realize this... i knew it long long long ago... i cant rival anyone's poems...

Lord of all Things said...

rumpy .. i dun care abt anyone's poems man ... no one can rival mine.. i guess u had a jhalak alreddy dint u??;)

iyer education said...

LoAT: are you sure the dentist pulled out your tooth only... seems he pulled out a piece of your brain too ;)

but let me tell this to everyone... no-one can rival LoAT 's poems... ab theek hai...

Demi Goddezz said...

Iyer:i can come up with poems.. But me me cry tho tere se behthar koi kar nahi saktha ....

Lord of all Things said...

hmph!!!

iyer education said...

winny: sometimes... some very rare times, i have to agree with what you have to say... and this just happens to be one of them ;)

LoAT: hmph as in *sigh* or hmph as in *ye nahi sudherga* ?

Lord of all Things said...

2 ND ONE YAAR!!

Dinesh said...

Iyer-ae, addipoli poem aanalo mallugala samaanich. Besh! Besh!
Naanum oru Iyer..a good read. Have sent the link to my mal friends..:-)

iyer education said...

LoAT: i knew that... just wanted to confirm :)

Dinesh: thanks for the adipoli... or was it puranpoli... or whateva... does "mal" friends imply malayali friends or "maal" as in "item" friends... if it is the later, give me their email addresses as well

infected said...

Iyerie ... :) Kyoodie ... veyrie goodj.

infected said...

Iyerie ... :) Kyoodie ... veyrie goodj. Neow, I will say "Lyogin end Peblish".

BTW, What is "machaan"? In hunter lingo, its a tree platform for spying on predators.

iyer education said...

alyap: thaang you for all the good words that you haaad to say about me... ledd me say a good words about you tyoo...
1. GANDHAKARAAJARASAYANAM
2. MAHATHIKTAKAMKASHAAYAM
3. MANIBHADRAMLEGYAM
i wanted to go until hundret and tyondy... but raan out of words...

machan is taamil not malayalam.. and i guess it is kinda slang for our "bhaaaaaai" :)

AALEXZ said...

iyerie u forgoat KAISHOREGULUGULU

iyer education said...

paras(disguised as alex): thanks for reminding me that... :)

Demi Goddezz said...

Alap:iIyer is right ..Machaan is what we used to call our very close friends back in college...

Iyer:yeh sab kya hein.. why the names of all arishtams and legyams for ALAP??

Anonymous said...

What does "arishtams and legyams " mean ?? ye sab kya ho raha hai ???i demand an explanation...:-)

PALS

Demi Goddezz said...

Pals:Definitions:

Arishtams:Ayurvedic tonics(liquid form).Depending on the illness or condition of the patient..There are also some used mostly just for providing strength and nourishment to the body.

Legyam:These are similar to above but are in a semi solid form.. mostly like chavanprakash...

abhi said...

Pals: Based on Winny's "definitions" ... Do we really think Iyer needs all these

Iyer: Which one was the Scud (not to be taken in oral form)?

iyer education said...

pals&winny: these were the medicines that were prescribed to me when i was undergoing ayurvedic treatment for about a year at "Kottakyal Ayurveda Shaala", a famous mallu offshoot of ayurveda... alap me and abhi recite these names and laugh over and over and over again... so that makes me the link between mallu medicines and mah friends...

abhi: i dont think i need them now... i am pretty sure that no doc can find a solution to my guitar and rabies... and the scud was not ayurveda... it was allopathy (name is jonac) when i had malaria... so dont you confuse :)

Anonymous said...

Iyer:Ayurvedic treatement?? when was this??i would like to know who named these medicines..:-) man...every 2nd alphabet is an "a"..lol

Winny:thanx a lot for those definitions :-)man amazing things we learn everyday...:-)Bird requested some new poems..kya hua uska??you know you have to keep people entertained right...and yeah its not good to disappoint the birdman..hes got superpowers....:-)

Abs:I dont think iyer needs these medications anymore..but yeah the people around him..hmmm maybe..they should keep em...JUST IN CASE...(by the way bro...call marta hoon weekend pe...sale bhool gaya bhai ko tu foorain ake...:-((...)
PALS

Demi Goddezz said...

Iyer:Kab Kyun Keise.. Kottackal.. Its next to my house back in india..memories...

Pals:The poem is up and running...

iyer education said...

winny: jaane de... bahut lambi kahani hai... aur waise bhi tujhe to sab kuch pata hai naa... to tujhe mere guitar aur rabies ke baare mein kaise nahi pata?

pals: tu bhi treatment ko chod de... agli baar aayega to scud ki kahani sunaoonga, wo toh is se bhi dhammal hai :)

Lord of all Things said...

*cough cough* and ambles away mutteing to herself about this generation!!

iyer education said...

LoAT: let me see if i can provide some arishthams and legyams for your cough... alternatively, if you find the above pretty sweet, then i can surely find kashayams for that too... and trust me, you will forget about coughing for the rest of your life, once you have kashayam :)

Demi Goddezz said...

Ok now before people start asking for definitions...

Kashayam: An ayurvedic medicinal tonic made mainly from roots,stems,leaves and also other stuff ..Its usually boiled,heated to filter only the liquid part..Kashayams are widely used for cure of various diseases ...It tastes nasty................

Anonymous said...

RUMPY: Kya be...sale become a malliyervedic doctor what??
Im happy that i dont have to enter some stupid security letters before i send ina comment..all the others have that feature on their blogs...please keep it this way..:-)unless you guys want me to stop commenting..:-)

Winny:thanks for the definitions...by the way ..
who drinks all this stuff anyways??are they really effective??


PALS

Demi Goddezz said...

Pals:Trust some of them are very very effective...Iyer se poocho Im sure he's had most of them ...

Lord of all Things said...

hellooo/...~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!! i have had kkashayams. and rasayams too... btw.. whatz with iyer education..:-? here did rumpel go??
change of identity.?? covering up the past??:P

iyer education said...

winny: definitions and all haan... ever thought of www.winnypedia.org? i am ready to be a partner... so think over... and abt mallu medicines, you can come to me if you are either sick or you want to have a great laugh... seriously, the names of mallu medicines will make you LAUGH

pals: rumpy mar gaya... its iyer education now... and i am not promoting mallu medicines... just an mallu extension to this post :)

LoAT: ur the only one to notice that... yes that is a part of the past coverup and it is also a link to my future :)

Demi Goddezz said...

Iyer;kewll kewll.. Whos financing..BIRD?

iyer education said...

winny: bird and finance... he will only finance if you are writing shayaris about dalai lama and osho... would you be in a position to do so?

Demi Goddezz said...

Iyer:Na re ..utni pahunch nahi hein apunki

SCRIBBLEZ TO WAKEUP said...

Its freaking amazing...And the best thing is that its so true and not the fictious poems that goes around and apart from the one sole reason to write this in the voice of a Y chromosome format, glad you didnt do the X chromosome or else- what the hell, I didnt want to wake the poet that hibernated from within me to write one about Iyers n do the mud slinging- All for a true and nobel cause anyways- It's just wonderful man..cheers..Send it to readers digest n they may pay u ....:)

KJ said...

Iyer

"Simbly Superb Saar"

ekdum dhamaal

make a video, maybe the NANGUYS all of them together singing these!!!

How was Diwali?

iyer education said...

scribblez: pls read again, i said i have good enough reasons to not have a woman being the protagonist... i have ENOUGH reasons to like a mallu woman :)... and how much do i negotiate with readers digest 5 rs or 10 rs?

kj: thangew... i dont know about apoo but you really dont want the other nanguys to sing... it is TORTURE... a much bigger TORTURE than my posts ;)

IdeaSmith said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
IdeaSmith said...

Pals, lot of people do and yes, "all this stuff" is effective...right up there with other magical remedies like thair-sadam.

Iyer, please educate the uninitiated ones on what that is!

iyer education said...

idea: as per your instructions "ayurveda is effective... and as they say, laughter is the best medicine, if not the treatment, then the name of the medicines will crack you up so hard that you will heal..."

thair sadam = curd rice... and that is the best form of medicine that a southie has... ask any southie and he will vouch for it :)

paras said...

now i understand the link between south indians, middle east and saddam

IdeaSmith said...

Its 'sadam' paras, not Saddam!!! And its supposed to have a cooling, calming effect on your temperament...quite contrary to your suggestion!

iyer education said...

paras: now i know why you started counter-argumenting too much after saddam got arrested :P

idea: dont even try... paro hates "spell checks" and "word verifications"

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