Saturday, October 15, 2005

Perfect Men!!!

Somebody sent me an email today listing 25 things that a perfect man would do for his woman. On receiving that mail and going through it, I realized two things…

  • If a man actually does some of the acts that were stated there, then he will cease to be a perfect man. At least men will cease to accept him as one of them ;)
  • I don’t think there exists something called perfect women. (But there is perfect TEN)

And puhleees, all these acts are mushy enough to be written down leave alone performing them. But if at all… please pay attention… the key word is… IF AT ALL… A man was to be doing these things for his woman; it would not be out of romanticism or out of mushiness… but out of perfect rational & logical explanation to the situations around him… What I would like to re-iterate is that, if your man does this to you, there is a perfectly rational & logical explanation to it… It is because god has made Man of a very rational & logical character (if you can’t read between the lines, read this between parenthesis… women are not rational & logical). So here it is ladies and gentlemen; the “An Unofficial Guide to Men and their RATIONAL & LOGICAL Thinking”.

Following are the 25 points (in normal font) and the ones in bold are the rational and logical explanations to them. The points are courtesy of a mail sent by a classmate. The explanations to those actions are courtesy, yours truly.

1. Know how to make you smile when you are down.
Explanation: he wants her keep smiling so that she doesn’t be feel let down when she comes to know about his other affairs

2. Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice.
Explanation: he's trying to figure out, if she's taken a bath

3. Stick up for you, but still respects your independence.
Explanation: he has no other choice. If he had one, he would have left her long ago

4. Give you the remote control during the game.
Explanation: he's feeling really sleepy... he will be satiated with watching the highlights tomorrow

5. Come up behind you and put his arms around you.
Explanation: he's tired of looking for an arm-rest, when the arms are actually paining

6. Play with your hair.
Explanation: he’s telling her, how disheveled her hair is, that he can actually shred them

7. His hands always find yours.
Explanation: he's forgotten his PDA and needs something the size of a PDA to hold

8. Be cute when he really wants something.
Explanation: he's trying every trick (lie, cheat & steal) in the book to get what he wants

9. Offer you plenty of massages.
Explanation: he's showing her what is expected of her, when he's tired

10. Dance with you, even if he feels like a dork.
Explanation: he's giving her a chance to look good... all other times its the other way round

11. Never run out of love.
Explanation: he never runs out of love, he only runs away from love

12. Be funny, but know how to be serious.
Explanation: he's just showing her that he can be seriously funny

13. Realize he's being funny when he needs to be serious.
Explanation: he's making her realize that everything in life doesn’t need to be taken seriously

14. Be patient when you take forever to get ready.
Explanation: who told her that... hasn't she heard of STAR SPORTS, ESPN, TEN SPORTS etc

15. React so cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts.
Explanation: he has no other option... if he hits back, then she has to be admitted and kept in ICU

16. Smile a lot.
Explanation: that’s the best way of hiding all his troubles (especially her)

17. Plans a romantic date full of cheesy things he wouldn't normally like to do, just because he knows it means a lot to you.
Explanation: no match(sports), a dry day, the computer is down, no porn cds available... so he comes up with something like this!!!

18. Appreciate you.
Explanation: he is a very very unsuspecting liar

19. Help others out.
Explanation: only if the others are guys and are his close friends

20. Drive 5 hours just to see you for 1.
Explanation: driving for 5 hrs is any day better than being with her for 1 hr... its the thrill of driving that makes him do this

21. Always gives you a peck on the cheek when you depart from each others company, even when his friends are watching.
Explanation: he doesnt want her (with lipstick on her lips) to peck him and make him feel embarrassed in front of his friends... so he takes the easier way out

22. Sing, even if he can't.
Explanation: thats one way of keeping away from her

23. Have a creative sense of humor.
Explanation: every guy has it... not every gal realizes this

24. Stare at you.
Explanation: he's staring a coupla inches below her neck... how so sweet of him?

25. Call for no reason.
Explanation: a lot of times boredom and no-one else to talk to can drive him to do this

As per my rational and somewhat limited thinking, I guess every man has to be a perfect man coz I guess every man thinks in this way. If you beg to differ, please get your hormones checked, you may need a gender change ;)


PS: abhi, apoo & bird: xxfactor mein iske against kuch aa gaya to bacha lena!!!


Warren said...

Good call on the post man. Its good to hear that there are still some real men out there. I can't think of any man anywhere that would do any of that crap. And if he did then he shouldn't be called a man.

Lord of all Things said...

DUDE!!true...!!thatz how men are:D i love em like that:D *completely agrees!!*

APOO said...

Hmmm.... I see XY factor in the making!

iyer education said...

warren: completely agree with you... it is so NOT manly to be doing things mentioned therein

LOAT: good to hear the other side of the story... u atleast dont belong to the category that expects these acts of IRRATIONALISM :)

apoo: whatever it is in the making... pay attention to PS... bacha lena ;)

IdeaSmith said...

Lol Iyer....all thru' this post I was thinking "I agree!" and then I read your PS. You read me all wrong..I am totally with you on this post...whyEVER on earth would a man do something out of the "goodness of his heart"? (it doesn't exist!!!!!). Contrary to your fears, I will carry a reference to this post on XXFactor and it certainly won't be in disagreement!

Demi Goddezz said...

Iyer:I dont agree...Whatever any guy says ..When u are with that someone special ... u guys do take the extra step...Admit it...

iyer education said...

idea: thanks a lot... you understand men, better than we men do... and your agreement to this post just underlines that fact... i take back the PS... i added it just to be on the safer side, or else there would be another "Rumpy Vs Mahila Mukti Morcha" case for bloggers ;)... oh by the way... eagerly waiting for the post on xxfactor :)

winny: pls accept this... it wud be much easier then to understand why men do this... also it wud help you to understand why your guy would prefer to watch F1 or Ashes instead of coming for a "perfect dinner" with you ;)

IdeaSmith said...

Its already up Rumpy...check it out! Thanks for the compliment...was that sarcasm?

iyer education said...

idea: what does sarcasm mean? all along i thought sarcasm was sarcar having an orgasm... if it is that then we will have to ask sarcar if he had one or not!!!

on a more serious note... no sarcasm yaar... not a bit :)

IdeaSmith said...

Well dat depends on who the Sarkar in this melee

iyer education said...

hmmm... now you are connecting the PM's (Prime Minister's) post with the PM's (Perfect Men's) post... are you? if so then thats a great link up... we cud have a sting operation done on the "Sarcar" ;)

APOO said...

Linking the two posts would mean Sarkar is Bird having an orgasm.

This is highly improbable, hence the link the falsified!

iyer education said...

"..." (somebody taught me, what this was)

Anonymous said...

"Linking the two posts would mean Sarkar is Bird having an orgasm.

This is highly improbable, hence the link the falsified!"

You tell me ... is this really possible?

APOO said...

Falsifying the link between the two, or Bird having an orgasm?

iyer education said...

hmmm... apoo seems to know a lot about bird's capabilities... i dont know if he has got to know abt them from vijayalakshmi or has known them personally... i really am in no position to comment on them :)


I stand with the belief that there is no perfet man as there is no perfect woman..IF the men thought women were perfect as regards 22 or more or less rules laid down, some one needs a punch of reality..Its not the bolly or holly wood!

iyer education said...

scribblez: you are right... and your comment made me think... "nobody's perfect"

i am nobody ;)