Friday, October 14, 2005

Bird Campaign!!!

Life (atleast for me) has never been the same ever since we decided to have Elections for the post of Prime Minister on Blogosphere. The contestants were; Bird, Abhi, Alap, Paro & Baangd. So like any good selection process first we filter out the non-match, and that turned out to be Paro, Baangd and Alap. Now comes the difficult part of selecting the prime minister and the ones that are left out (Bird & Abhi) are amongst the ones who will be the PM of blogosphere.

Everything was going smoothly, until Abhi decided to have a campaign manager. That’s when things changed from a game to a thoroughbred professional election campaign. Dear ol bird was keeping mum and low and decided to carry through all by himself… until…

Until a great day arrived, which happened to be just before Dussehra, again an auspicious day, when Bird had a clandestine meeting with Iyer, in the presence of the great BABA. There with mutual consent, it was decided that Iyer will be the campaign manager for Bird and together they will fight the atrocities created by Abhi and more importantly, his campaign manager.

Lots of things were said and done on various blogs. Naara lagaya, gaana banaya, dance bhi dikhaya… lekin kuch bhi raas nahi aaya. So as long as this thing is working on a low-key level, things were alright, and bird required no campaign manager for winning. He is already a hero. But then the opposition considers our silence as our weakness and hence… here it is… the campaign of Bird… exclusively on blogosphere… The future Prime Minister does believe in the system of transparency… and hence has gone ahead to provide his campaign to the public at large, so that they can come to know the greatness of our honourable ‘to be’ prime minister. So… oppositionwaalon… ham aayenge… aur tumhari baind bajaake jaayenge…

· A 10 minute video is already being discussed by the NCFI (National Campaign Federation of India), which is a premier organization in making campaigns for politicians. We have block booked some of their best technicians from directors to editors etc and going to make this video and call it “India Flying”. The discussion for script is being finalized and Bird will make a 3 minute appearance in the video, the rest 7 minutes be given to the people who will voice their ideas about “India Flying”. People interested in shooting for the campaign can mail me later…

· For the very first time in the history of Indian Politics, the campaign is being funded by the greatest Venture Capitalists of the world. Discussions are going on, and the VC’s are very optimistic about the return on their investment. Never before in the history of politics has a campaign being funded by VC’s. It is solely their confidence on bird that they have gone ahead and taken such a bold step. The amount for the campaign is being pegged at $2-$3 Billion, though the actual amount has not yet been disclosed.

· The entire amount received for the campaign has been put to good use and has been totally accounted for. Mr Shehnaaz Treasurywalla under the COACHERING of “The Great Grandmother of All Banks” has been appointed as the treasurer. And every paisa spent on the campaign will be accounted for and audited statements will be provided on demand.

· 1/5th of the amount so received as campaign funds will be used up to buy the UB group. This would help us to provide free daru, as required by the people at large in the quantity that they require. The range of daru is wide and includes flagship brands like Mcdowell, IB, RS, RC etc

· 1/10th of the amount so received will be used to buy out ITC and Sambhaaji Beedi group. People will be provided, at demand, a wide range of smokes, ranging Wills, gold flake (bada aur chota), classic (milds, regular and menthol) and last but not the least, the world famous sambhaaji beedi.

· All the pakshis that are kept in confinements of the zoo, national park etc will be freed. This will depict that all pakshis are free willed and are allowed to do what they want. This will also depict the love of our honourable ‘to be’ prime minister for nature.

· Happy Restaurent (you read it right), will finally be given the grant that the government has been delaying to make. This grant was asked by the hotel 10 years back to make a small change in the spelling. This would depict that our honourable ‘to be’ prime minister is a commoner and a man of the masses and not someone who goes abroad, gets sloshed and gets photographed and appears on the internet.

· A subtle, yet hard hitting, simple yet complex kind of a speech is being made by the prime minister himself (and not some campaign manager writing hindi speeches for their bosses [Italian or otherwise]) and will be proudly showcased by the honourable ‘to be’ prime minister, on all his pad yaatras and conferences. This will depict the preparedness and the proactivity of our honourable ‘to be’ prime minister. (please note that all the words in the speech would have already been defined and a reference book provided for people who are interested in definitions, unlike some other parties who spend their whole campaigns trying to define the word “campaign”)

Our honourable ‘to be’ prime minister is so talented that his talent far surpasses the vices of the opposition. So here was the list, that the honourable ‘to be’ prime minister has decided to go public with. Now you can either trust Mr Bird or trust Mr Bird, because the other party isn’t just trustable at all.

And let me re-iterate one thing, all the comments that I had written about Mr Bird, in the earlier posts, stand to be void from this moment on. If any reference is made to those comments, I have an answer template ready for all of you and it goes something like this… “Isme Opposition Ka Haath Hai”. So stop questioning me on that front.

All other questions / clarifications will be done personally by me or honourable ‘to be’ prime minister. And I would like to finish this post with the marathi way of honouring people…

Bird Saahebaancha… Vijay Aso”…
Bird
Saahebaancha… Vijay Aso”…
Bird
Saahebaancha… Vijay Aso”…

adios…

PS:Apoo, you cannot ask for Mannu to be a part of this election campaign... woh banned hai matlab banned hai... bas... yehi final hai...

9 comments:

Bird said...

Winny if you concede defeat & write an apology letter, iyer & i may decide to go soft with the campaigning...save you guys some humiliation.

Iyer we are heading for an absolute majority. Bring out the IB bottles.

iyer education said...

IB?

pradhaan mantriji, we can get ourselves promoted to jack daniels or teachers or blenders pride or auntie-cutie

we dont have to keep sticking around to IB, when the other contestants are out of the country swigging all sorts of imported daroo

Demi Goddezz said...

Okok Iyer and Bird.. I give up...

I must say ur campaign was pretty neat... But honestly I was thinking of bringing around another campaign but decided against it..

Reasons:

The campaign would have been more interesting had my SO_CALLED BOSS supported me atleast once all during this WINNY BASHING ...

ABS now I know ...Tu mujhe beech raaste pe chod ke jayega ...tera koi bharosa nahi.....

I was also thinking of quitting my own party and joining Bird's; seeing the support he was giving BAD BAD Iyer ..(hehhe)...but then again I decided against it ...

I guess Ill stick to MOI own party ... ABS...TU BHI KYA YAAD RAKEHGA ...

Tho janta log SOB SOB SOB .. ...

APOO said...

This is victory for Iyer and Bird (and me as a consultant).

Quoting Abbs, "IBlicans" have beaten the "Demoncrats"

Bird, how about repairing the pot holes in USA now?

iyer education said...

winnyji: its ok... i know the kind of problems that campaign managers can get into when involved with unruly bosses... especially a boss who FIRST votes for his opponent and then decides to contest himself...

apoo: my scope of work started pre-elections and is over right now... getting work done from PM is the onus of the citizens (or netizens or whateva)

Demi Goddezz said...

Iyer :Thanks yaar .. atleast utna tho consolation opposition party se mil raha hein mujhe...Aur ek mere Boss hein jinko koi phursat hi nahi ....har kisi ki kismath hein ..ab kya bataein....

iyer education said...

winny:
ham campaign karne waalon ke opposition mein hain
consolation mein ham dost hai, opposition nahi


i know of some bosses who can get fussy when it comes to elections and surely your boss happens to be one of them... pata nahi kis hole mein jaake chup gaya hai... dikhaayi hi nahi deta hai ;)

Bird said...

where's the apology letter?

iyer education said...

birdji: now you have to issue an appointment letter to winny to join our party... we will talk about the apology letter later

winny: now we also have another Sr Campaign Manager and his name is Paro... and he is ready to do the campaign at a real discount ;)