Wednesday, October 05, 2005

And the nominations for Prime Minister are...

I know it’s scary… but at the same time it is hilarious. These are the dudes that I hang up with frequently (except bird, who likes to ditch). Let me try and put “things” (also known as legislations in legal terms), that these guys will bring into place once they become the prime ministers of India. If you know these guys, you will relate to these “things” and if you don’t know them, this will serve as a piece of information that will help you to know them better (and the more you know about them, the more you dislike them… okay just kidding… they are all very dhammal people to be around with)


Bird…

All kinds of physical activities and mental activities will be deemed illegal. Obesity will be an added advantage and a bonus. Fit people will be cursed.

Crowded places will be bombarded with weapons of mass destruction.Smoking will be made compulsory and will be made more health-friendly.

Happy will be termed as clean and germ free and will be given 9 star ranking. Happy will be the next starbucks where people can walk in, have “cutting” and read their books (or ebooks)


Abhi…

No action would be taken unless all the words in the action are “defined”. If there are any unclear terms in definition, they too need to be defined. This essentially means no action and only definitions throughout the tenure.

Taller people slapping shorter ones will be the new greeting signal, shaking of hands and hugs will all be illegal.

Telecom operators would be forced to introduce a new call named “Drunk Call” which would be free of cost and would be used by people to call up and give “gaali galoch” to the ones who didn’t join them for drinks.

Online ticket booking will be the only way to buy tickets at a theater. No other mode of ticket booking will be allowed / entertained.


Alap…

All dishes will be served in 1 by 2. There would not be any one single serving. Serving will necessarily be 1 by 2. Restaurants that don’t oblige will be shut down per-force. Bombil fry will compulsorily be a part of the daily diet and food intake.

The meaning of the phrase “I am not hungry” will completely change. It will mean “I can eat food of 1 normal person”. When someone says “I am little hungry”, it will mean “My Hunger = Hunger of 2 people” and so on and so forth. This proportion can rise algebraically, geometrically or exponentially depending upon the capacity to eat.

Traffic cops (generally known as pandu’s around here) will be given training to talk in English. I know they think English is a phunny language, but then alap is funny as well. Whenever he gets caught by a pandu, he starts blurting the most posh English (instead of the normal marathi) that one could ever find. And pandus will be given training to cope up with that.


Baangdu…

The traditional raas garba and dandiya at will be replaced by the “puffy dance” at all navratri mandals. The same applies to other occasions of dancing like ‘ganpati visarjan’, discotheques etc. “puffy dance” will be the next “national dance” of this country.

OTS (One Tight Slap) after every statement would be made compulsory. It is like java, where every statements are to be followed by a ‘;’. Here in this case, every statement should end with an OTS followed by an evil grin.

FAT ladies & aunties will be given priority for all available opportunities like acting, sports, employment. Women’s reservation quota will be changed to “Fat Women’s & Aunties reservation quota”.


Paro…

Long hair (for both men and women) will be compulsory. You could see everyone, including the army cadets and soldiers sporting long hair. The government will supply free rubber-bands and hair-bands at various outlets if somebody has a problem with the hair falling over their eyes.

All citizens will be made to fast on Saturdays. This is because of the discrimination caused between the ones who fast and the ones who don’t. The ones who fast usually end up getting visuals of what could have been eaten in case they had not fasted and hence this discrimination will be put to an end by everyone fasting on Saturdays.

There will be a new category of awards called the “Blue & Yellow PJ Awards” where PJ stands for Poor Joke (or Paro Joke… one and the same). This will be given to the person who cracks the poorest joke of the year… and two contenders are always in there (Paro & Baangdu)


... and the post of the the prestigious Prime Minister goes to… (take your pick)

adios…

52 comments:

abhi said...

Bird

PS: why dont u figure here?

iyer education said...

abhi: that is left for you guys to decide what would be "the legislations" that i wud pass... so i guess u can have one comment on that :)

KJ said...

rumpy,
just a small clarification. if birdyy will be the PM, won' he replace cricket with climbing pipes? ;-)

ciao

paras said...

first thought: baangd ... after all who doesn’t like criticizing the government

second thought: alap ... even we want cops(government officials) to speak english

third: bird ... pdas and pda covers will be easily available at a very reasonable rate

abhi and I are out of the question: no use spending time on defining things and en taking action ... hair cutting saloons do pay tax ... y loose out on the side income

mallus can set up their base in middle east

iyer education said...

kj: LOL... true.. very true

paro: welcome to iyerospace... thank you for all your suggestions, but the vote should be only for one person... so which of your thought should i take?

and mallus WILL setup in the MIDDLE EAST :)

paras said...

before i proceed where is my welcome drink bro?

id say baangd .. he will do whtever we ask him to ;)

sorry baangd ... chal puffy kar te hai

Bird said...

Abs, my short term objective is bring the Secretary of Nandanvan, mid-term is being the local corporator & if i live long enough then lets see...maybe PM.

& KJ i thought you were my friend...

If Iyer becomes the PM...the ceremonial dress code for govt. will be banian & phantom chaddis. So all the Indian Embassy staff will also wear banians & phantom chaddis. Plus while giving speeches as representatives of India they will be required to speak in Sanjiv Kumar accent.

Also all booze will be banned & only Brandy, if & only if, taken alonwith hot water will be allowed to be consumed.

iyer education said...

finally... the bird arrives on iyerospace... after a gap of around 3 months... you are welcome... i hope the travel from home to office was good...

and the list that u made seems quite impressive... you forgot port wine though... hmmm... i think i shud be the prime minister... but then why should i walk upon someone else's dreams / long term goals... so my vote goes to BIRD

KJ said...

birdy, i am ur friend that is y i will BE GLAD when climbing pipes will become the national sport. I can imagine u endorsing for all the pipes.....u will be a millionaire.
Will u remember me then, my friend?

;-)

IdeaSmith said...

Lol...you're a fundoo bunch, all of u! Can we see some more nanguys posts plizzz?

iyer education said...

kj: bird doesnt know friendship... all he knows is happy... and that is where he would like to be...

idea: only bird, abhi and apoo are NAN guyz... all others featured in this post are GA guyz... together we call ourselves NAN-GA guyz...

IdeaSmith said...

Why does this guy hate you? -->
http://khat-mal.blogspot.com/2005/10/airy-fairy-tale-long-long-ago.html

iyer education said...

idea: i dont know the guy... and what made you feel he hates me... the post was funny... wasnt it ?

IdeaSmith said...

Oh yeah it was...but look at what he's called the hero of the story!

iyer education said...

idea: crumpledforeskin just sounds like rumpelstiltskin and has nothing to do with the guy knowing me... but if you insist, it must have been bird's evil twin who has been doin all this... i will find him and kill him for this...

Winny said...

Wah Wah Wah ...Taaliyan Taaliyan Taaliyan...

Bird,Abs,Alap.Baangd,Paro... Aaap Sajjanon ko nominees hone ki hardikh bhadhayi...

Weise dekha jaaye tho India mein aap jeison ki Bhahuthi Kami hein....

Bird:Khushi huyi yeh sunke ke aap ka net connection mein ab net hein... and aap aaye tho iyer supply mein thodi baarish aayi (oops sorry Pals).BIrd Bird Zindadbad

Abs :Aapke saare padh(words) ke ardh nikalthe nikalthe desh waasiyon ka kalyan ho jaayega..Weise bhai logon ko supari dene ka kaam bhi legal kar dena ..Weise special treatment and parking spots for 'BAD BACK' people.Abs Abs Zindabad.

Alap:Aaap ke naam ka bada AAALLLAAAPPP hoga .Indian Govt UNGLISSSS bolne shuru ho jayegi .Wah wah .isse badkar jantha ko kya chahiye...Alap Alap Zindabad.

Baangd:Hmm Phool kaliyon mein khiltha hein ..Aap ke pradhan mantri hone par desh kaan mein phool pehnenge.(Part of Dress Code)..Kam se kam Phool Ki khusbu se bharath desh mehakne lagega.Banngd Zinda BAAD

Paro:Hmm long live Long Hair ....aap ka Ishtyle tho desh ke naujawanon par acha asar padega...Paro Zinda lamba baal.

Ladies and Gentlemen... all ur votes will now shape FUTURE FUNDU INDIA...

abhi said...

Paro reads blogs?? I better start writing more bout him ...

Idea: The link is that of iyer's dual self. News is that he hates the other side of him and they both lash out at each other whenever given a chance. and yea .. Vote for me

Iyer: Can i change my vote? Bird is a waste ... can i change it man? I wont vote for me .. promise

KJ: Vote for me ... i assure you bout the pipe sport going national (bird wont do it outta shame anyways ... we might have all the credit going to his bro if he does) ... and I promise to promise you more in my next set of comments.

winny: ur hired .. (ur my campaign mgr and Hindi speech writer too)
no counter offers will work fellas ...
winny we have to strategize on positioning and the public awe' factor we spoke about first up ... ok we'll take this offline.

Free goodies for bhailog (including that water resistant lappy for paro) and diamonds et chanelle/chanel pour les femmes ... vote for moi

winny said...

Hmm Ok so lets start the negotiation..My benefits,insurance,bonus,... oh i dont eat dry n..d..s//Send me the package Abs. before i get offers from ur opposition parties...

What ever happened to Apoo..?? is he still sleepingg?

APOO said...

Iyer. I thought u loved our country.

iyer education said...

winnyji: dhanyawaad, aapki itni lambi tippani padhne ke baad hamein ye prakat hua ki aap bhi blog kar sakti hain... kripaya blogging ke shuruwaat karne ka prayatn karein... aur hamein aapke posts padhkar khush rakhne ka prayatn jaari rakhein... aapke tippaniyon ke ham hamesha se aabhari rahenge... parantu aapne apna matdaan nahi kiya

ideaji: aap bhi mat daalna bhool gayi hai.. to kripaya karke apne desh ka bhala (ya bura) karein aur apna keemti mat daalein

abhiji: tum apna mat change nahi kar sakte ho... aur waise bhi yahan bird ko prime minister banne ka mauka dein, chahe wo iyer supply pe hi kyu na ho

apooji: ham apne desh se prem karte hai isiliye pradhaan mantri nahi ban rahe hai... osama ko bhi afghanistan se prem hai, to kya wo udhar ka pradhaan mantri ban jaayega? ye to anuchit hai naa :)

dhanyawaad

Winny said...

hmmm now that im hired ... i have to stick to moi party...

so my precious vote goes to Abs ....

Iyer: hum sochenge blog ke baare mein...

iyer education said...

winny: socho mat... jab soch gehri ho jaati hai to iraade kamzor ho jaate hain... wah wah

paras said...

abs: i've been reading since quite some time ...

idea: (me talkin in Ms. Minashe* style)ramaiyaa ... tu woh jadiye ke baju mein q baith ti hai bee??? ;).. sup?

winny: may i see your passport pls?

*For all you who dont know Ms. Minashe .. she was our Maths HOD

IdeaSmith said...

I don't see the legendary rainmaker Pals on this list...Iyer, my vote is for him. The sun is out again and what're politicians for if not to create trouble?

Paras..I didn't realise you were a part of this melee...how u?

Adding to paras's comment, Menashe was a vile old hag and I hated her vehemently when she was accusing me of cooking up ideas to disrupt the class with Alap.

iyer education said...

paro: you pick up good habits quite late... but as they say.. "der aaye durust aaye" :)

idea: did u hate her because you actually did all that she accused you of and you didnt like it because it came out in public? or were you more of the studious kinds? beware when you answer in this forum, i can cross-check... havent hung up too much with pals... for me and mannu he is an MD (manufacturing defect) so defective pieces aint part of the contestants

IdeaSmith said...

In that case, change my vote to IYER! (yes I can see you haven't included yourself in the list of candidates but I think you should in the interest of upholding Tamilian parochialism!)

As for your question, "......" (thats NetSpeak for "no comments!")

APOO said...

Why is Mannu not on this list? I vote for Mannu. That way everyone is forced to get drunk and remove their tops off!

Winny said...

Paro:mera passport kyun yaar....meine kya kiya?????

Iyer:irade agar nek ho tho kabhi kamzor nahi hote...

Abs :Where is moi package ...

abhi said...

winny: mes busy gettin wet in charlotte rains (is pals here?) ...

and yea ur package's comin by fedex .... shud reach u soon

apoo: mannu topless?? that was saurav ganguly i think

iyer education said...

apoo: all people described here are active on the internet... communicate atleast thru mails... mannu fails to do so... and hence is penalised... and the only thing i know about mannu after getting drunk is "burping" and he burps a hell lot

idea: u seem to be a bogus voter, you have voted twice and for people who aint on the list... thats bad... its because of people like you that leaders like laloo get selected, even when not contesting... and oh... remind me to look up at dictionary.com for parochialism, my vocab is bad :)

winny: chalo party do... online employment ho gaya... iyerospace is the next "monster" :)

abhi: fedex package mein se commission kaat ke do... online dealing ke liye commission lagta hai :)

paras said...

winny: u've done nothing thats y to identify i would like to see ur passport .. alternately u may want to invite me for the party ... congrats on ur new job

abs: use paypal to pay iyer ...

iyer: get ur cheque from pals heheh

APOO said...

I dont care. Half of Indias population cant check mail or use the net. That should be no criteria. I want someone who could represent India, And make the people remove their tops. Someone who can teach us how to release the polluted air in our body. *burp*

IdeaSmith said...

Iyer, considering the choices presented do you blame me (or the Indian population)?

Parochial:
Pronunciation Key (p-rk-l)
adj.
- Of, relating to, supported by, or located in a parish.
- Of or relating to parochial schools.
- Narrowly restricted in scope or outlook; provincial: parochial attitudes.

Draw your own conclusions...

abhi said...

Smithy: For a moment my blind self thought u claimed "blame me for the Indian population"

Now that would be unfair ...

Winny said...

Iyer:Party time ...but how do i get to T-Top???

Paro:U are invited ...but please make sure long hairs are neatly braided....

For all late comers ... Baangd celebrated his ... th Birthday Yesterday ... And i would like to wish him HAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPYYYYYYYYYYYYY belated BBBBBBBBBIIRRRRRRRRRTTTTTHHHHDDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAY and a gorgeous year ahead..


someone double check the age limit for nominees plz... not sure if Baangd passed that already

iyer education said...

apoo: you double-standard guy, you need a wife who is an a-list blogger, has a great bandwidth at her place, wireless network connection, even a cable would do and you need to have a prime minister who doesnt use internet... ye to naainsaafi hai... re-think your strategies or else accept a kaamwaali bai as your wife... take your pick

winny: you shud be executed... amongst all of us, only u remembered baangdu's budday... everyone else forgot... so i guess u shud give party for that too... by the way, where is t-top?

idea: i dont have a restricted outlook... i also use outlook express and lotus notes and both of them are good... thanks for the meaning though... i thought paro-chialsim was something to do with paro's antics :)

abhi: you look fantastically sloshed in this new pic... the last time i saw you this way was when i was making you walk around juhu beach, making you drink all kinds of black coffees at CCD... yaad hai?... ekdam waise hi lag raha hai bhai tu :)

Winny said...

iyer: Me and executed?????? Shiva Shiva...How could u ..Sob Sob..

Well i think i will just party myself or even cut a cake for baangdu and eat it all myself... U inhumanly souls should be banised from the face of earth for not remembering his Bday.

Well T-Top can be Defined as..Hmm Abs help me out here...

Abs:U and black coffee?? Yeh kab hua ???

iyer education said...

winny: nahi to kya, idhar nobody knew it was baangdu's budday until he himself mailed everyone saying that yesterday was his budday... and you remembered it... that brings me to yet another suspicion regarding you... are you baangdu?... hehe... paro was right in asking you for your passport :)

Winny said...

hahha oops the fact that i rememberd Baangdu's Bday would be a lie .. But ya Abs did tell me abt it and I have promised to remind everyone next year so that Banngdu Dear wont be heartbroken like the last 2 years ...

again Bash Bash to all u Always in ForgetFul Land Public....

APOO said...

Yeah, I think Baangd is posting as Winny!

I support Paro for the passport identification!

And yeah.... still.... Mannu as Prez!

Winny said...

Oh gaawwwdd what has this world come to. First u forget then blame the poor guy ..

Well Baangdu where are u .. please tell them that u are who u are and i am who i am ..massive confusion...

iyer education said...

winny: ya right... baangdu is going to be here to tell us about himself... but who is going to tell us about winny? chalo anyways... i am up against your campaigns for abhi as i am officially the campaign manager for bird...

apoo: first marry a kaamwaali & stop asking for wireless internet connection, then we will have mannu for PM and not Prez... Oh Dahling, Yeh Hai India, election pradhaan mantri ke liye tha, raashtrapati ke liye nahi...

winny said...

Iyer: Abs will arrive next month so u can get all details abt me from him...weise chahe tho passport ka copy bijwati hun ...

Tum chahe offical ho ya unofficial soch samjke panga lo...

na rahegi pareshahiyan....
na rahegi gustakiyan...
jab Abs banenge Pradhan mantri...
desh mein hogi khushaaliyaan....

APOO said...

Hmmm... I realized. Mannu for PM!

U know what... I have been living more than a week without I-net at home. Beat that!

I think now Mannu can surely become PM! (I dont get it, why do u turn down a brilliant opportunity of having people topless all over India?)

Demi Goddezz said...

No confusions any more people ....

Just give up the race and give the unanimous vote to Abs...

we dont need illegal and dangerous activities and also certainly no topless people running around ....

iyer education said...

all the signs of confusion and fear
on winnys poems & comments are so clear
so if you want your problems to be heard
chuck out abhi and vote for bird


apoo: one final time... NO MORE MANNU... you really dont want to see topless people, if one of them is baangdu ;)

Demi Goddezz said...

Vote for Bird and he'll fly away
Vote for Abhi and he'll lead ur way
There is no confusion,there is no fear
Winny's advices will make ur life clear....

iyer education said...

vote for abhi and he'll lead your way (haha)
following a blind man will surely make your day(hahaha)
there is no confusion and everything is clear
but let me tell you that abhi cannot hear (hahaha)


winny: bird has superpowers and he can fly... abhi has only one sense... the sense of touch... so you can take your boss and make him some father superior... PM ke liya woh fit nahi hai... haah

Bird said...

iyer tere charan kamal kidhar hai? tu IT main kya kar raha hai?
only if you could see me, i have tears in my eyes, honestly.

Winny, with Iyer in this mind-set I challenge you to defeat me.

APOO said...

There is one thing I would like to point out. From experience. Abhis election campaign will start only after the elections have ended.

He always turned up for cricket matches after they were over. Same with football and lagori.

He only turns up on time for booze. Since Bird has promised free booze, it will improve abhis time-mannerisms. Hence, for the overall improvement of Abhi, lets make Bird PM.

I say this only coz Mannu is ruled out

iyer education said...

apoo: me, bird, baangdu and anna, the newly added member of our party have already celebrated our victory last nite...

now that bird is PM, getting work done from him is the work of the citizens... the campaign manager takes rest now :)

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