Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Rumpy's 10 Laws

Rumpy is what Madame calls me coz she thinks Rumpelstiltskin is a bit too difficult to spell (can’t you see… I just spelt it). Enough of grammar and spellings. What Madame has done by calling me (g)Rumpy, is that she has made my name very similar to a great person who writes unsaid laws… Murphy… cant you get that… Rumpy… Murphy… very similar naa…

So one of Rumpy’s… sorry… Murphy’s famous laws is “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong”. And like the folktales of Kerala say… “If Murphy can… so can Rumpy”, here I am presenting to you people “Rumpy’s 10 Laws”.

These laws don’t apply anywhere (except Mumbai)… they are plain and simple useless… and they make no sense… so read them at your own risk. And don’t tell me you can’t take risks. If you cannot take risks, how do you explain your presence here, reading this? Chalo anyways… back to Rumpy’s 10 Laws


  1. You will never get the window seat, even if the train starts from your station. (Someone dick from the previous station must have decided to come all the way to your station and return to his destination just to get the window seat.)
  1. If you wait for a bus, the bus won’t come for eternity, but if you take a cab, just look behind, the bus would be close enough for a peck on its cheeks. (Indecisiveness is the key here… and either ways you are going to suffer… one with time… and the other with money)
  1. The taller one always gets to smell the oil on the hair, the shorter one will smell the stinky armpits (Crowds in local trains… hmmm… nothing much can be spoken about standing in local trains)
  1. No matter how hard you try, somebody will always be sleeping over your shoulder. (Local trains again… and you thought only standing was suffering)
  1. If you are a man, a man WILL sit next to you. If you are a woman, a woman WILL sit next to you. (Unstated rule for buses… some women don’t sit even if they have empty seats… just because its next to a man)
  1. When you are running late for work, everything runs late with you. If you are early, everything still runs late.(No matter what you do, you will have to wait for the bus, train etc)
  1. Your sleep never heeds to the alarm clock… you never wake up at the first ring… especially when you have to go to work / study.(No comments)
  1. Converse to Law No 7. Your sleep will overtake the alarm clock when you have to go out for an excursion / trip / date. You will wake up even before the alarm could ring once. (Again no comments)
  1. The day you don’t take lunch from home, the shops would be closed or the hawkers being drove off by municipal authorities. (Eventually you lie to someone saying that you are either dieting or you are on a fast)
  1. Working at home is inversely proportional to the documents that you carry back home. (If you are thinking about a laptop… forget it… the working tends to zero there)


Hope you liked Rumpy’s 10 laws. According to me, they are the part and parcel of every normal individual here in Mumbai. By normal I mean, the one who travels by bus and trains (the life lines of Mumbai). Please do not come back to me saying, “I drive a car… and I don’t think any of that is right”… its Rumpy’s Laws… and IT IS DARN RIGHT!!! Get it? And if you don’t, you can go to Apoo’s blog (hee haw… finally I found substitute words for hell)

adios…

PS: Sorry apoo, I had to use your blog to get some cheap publicity… bird asked me to do this (in my subconscious state of mind)

13 comments:

APOO said...

Iyer, u big time fraud! Bird would never say that..... not in any state of ya mind.... not till I have mailed him the PDA cover! :)

iyer education said...

apoo: beleive me he did... i spoke to him y'day and he subconsciously asked me to write bad things about you... i am so sorry... you dont bring him pda cover... he will do with doodh ki thaili :)

IdeaSmith said...

Wonderful...you should patent these.

iyer education said...

idea: i tried patenting those... but the queues were way too long for patenting it... and... i was getting late for office too :)

APOO said...

Ok then. Just let Bird know he is not getting any PDA cover!

Megha said...

Fundoo! :) And here I was trying to spell out your name properly every time I wrote a comment response and all. Tchah! Rumpy it is from now on. And the name gives you an excuse to be a smart-ass, so it works out pretty well, I'd say :)

Btw, I don't live and work in Mumbai, but I see some of these laws applying to Boston subways so can I teepofy?

abhi said...

Iyer: these should be rechristened to Rumpy's 10 Travel Laws i think ...

and you could make more then thereafter .. think of branding the collection as Rumpy's laws

Megha: U in Boston too? i don't find anything bad bout the subways gurl ...

iyer education said...

apoo: no pda cover for bird... and thats final

megha & abhi: boston ki baat sar aankhon par...

Megha said...

Abhi: Oh yes, a Bostonian and proud of it! You in Beantown too? And didn't "the shorter one will smell the stinky armpits" remind you of rush hour at Downtown Crossing?

winny said...

Hmm this could well be the begining of a revolution in the subways???

NY could use some .....

APOO said...

Megha: Abhi is a six footer... no armpit smelling for him.

And BTW, Sox Suck! :P

Sorry, whenever someone says "Bostonian and proud of it" I have to take a jab! I'll go underground for few days now!

iyer education said...

megha, winny, abhi & apoo:could you please attach USA ka map beforehand somewhere so that i can understand what all of you are talking about... i am totally confused... whatever you say about subways in USA... subways in India suck... they have only salads and sandwiches :P

SCRIBBLEZ TO WAKEUP said...

Hey the Rule number 3 is blah blah ha ha ha ha..I never would have thought of tht twisting fate or rather bending fate as know only of the oil smell.