Tuesday, September 13, 2005

The Piping - II

Have been running outta ideas and incidents to write about. There is nothing strange happening in my sad low life unlike the happy (or otherwise) life of fellow bloggers, who seem to have incidents to write about. Some crazy, some witty, some intelligent, some philosophical…

Nothing out here though… all khaali dimaag… nothing in there… hence I thought of an idea, which had been thought by someone else… in plain simple words, “got inspired”… by a script written in Hollywood by the worlds most (in)famous script writer who has come up with a gem of a story… and I am given the task of trying to complete it… so let me try… and while I try, you go here and read the initial story… take a good hour or so to read the script, until that time I will think…

For those who suffer from “hyperlinkosporosis”… read this
(courtesy: http://heartcurry.blogspot.com)

Bird is adept at climbing pipes. All he does is climbs pipes, till one day while climbing a pipe he notices a girl (for reasons unknown to me, lets call her VijayaLakshmi) on the opposite terrace and falls in love with her. But VijayaLakshmi's parents refuse to marry her to Bird (do you really want reasons?). So an angry Bird climbs the pipe which leads to VijayaLakshmi's house and breaks it, flooding her house. The girls parents cannot swim, and Bird rescues them and becomes a hero. Before marriage someone mentions about Bird being the one who broke the pipe and VijayaLakshmi feels cheated and refuses to marry…


Arey yaar kitni jaldi padhte ho yaar… take some more time to read it, while I think…*puts on monkey… sorry… thinking cap*

Okay done…

The story continues…

Heartbroken, Bird, like any other heartbroken hero, decides to go to the “k… k… k… kotha”. But sadly for him, all the dance bars and “k… k… k… kothas” are shut down in various parts of Maharashtra. So he comes across the famous “Andha” (special appearance) at CT (the next best alternative to the “heartbroken hero” after “k… k… k… kotha”). Over drinks, Andha defines a lot of things to the Bird and also asks for the definitions of way many number of incidents in Bird’s life including Vijaylakshmi, The Pipe, Love, Lust, Drinks etc. Bird not finding any explanations, has more drinks than he is allowed to have, and starts singing the most heart-breaking song of that time…

“Piyu Bole… Piya Bole” (Priyadarshan said… Said I Drank)
“Kya Ye Bole… Jaanu Naa” (I don’t understand what he [Andha] is saying)
“Jiya Dole… Hole Hole…” (I am getting high… slowly slowly)
“Kyun Ye Dole… Jaanu Naa” (I don’t know, why am I High)


Bird wakes up with a bad hangover, only to find an SMS from Vijaylakshmi on his cell phone (messages transferred by pigeon with a letter tied to its neck is outta fashion and more importantly Bird never wanted the focus to be shifted from him to some other Bird). The SMS says “Mein tumhaare ande ki maa bannewaali hoon” roughly translated into “I am going to be the mother of your egg”. It further read… “tum to mujhe dhoka de gaye… mein duniya ko mooh dikhane ke laayak nahi rahi… ab mein apni jaan de rahi hoon”, which when translated means “you have given dhokha to me… I cannot show my face to this world… I am going to kill myself”. And since Vijaylakshmi had some extra space left on the SMS, smartly decided to put the address of suicide spot too…

Bird, at this moment of shock (and hangover) runs all the way to the suicide spot… only to find Vijaylakshmi on the top of the terrace. She had smartly taken all the necessary precautions and locked the entrance gate and the terrace door. And for some strange reason she was saying her prayers before she could take the leap, the last leap… The only chance that Bird had, was the pipe that lead all the way to the terrace… but then the pipe reminded Bird of the pipes that he broke earlier and caused trouble to a lot of people… Sweat dripping on his forehead, bird is running out of confidence…

That’s when… An Angel appears from nowhere and provides Bird with a magical wand… this one called “Wills”. Bird has a few fags out of the magical wand and returns it to the Angel, who then takes over magical wand and waits to see the Bird in action…

Bird now high in confidence, climbs the pipe… inch by inch… feet by feet… floor by floor… and as soon as he is about to reach the top, something cracks… the bad memories of past reappear… but then this time, the Angel was with Bird… so he takes a leap and pushes Vijaylakshmi along with him… and says the 8 magical words to her… “Mujhe Maaf Kar Do… Mein Tumhara Gunehgaar Hoon”… translated “Please forgive me… I am (your) guilty”… Vijaylakshmi starts crying and hugs Bird tightly… the bird then winks at the Angel, who is flying with the magical wand… and then… abruptly…

The End

adios…

17 comments:

abhi said...

f#$& man

iyer education said...

pen hai?

APOO said...

LOL! LOL! LOL!
Only those who know Bird will identify with this post.

Beauty thaa... lekin Iyer, what have we come down to. We are blogging about Bird!!! Gawd Help Us!

iyer education said...

apoo: and those who dont know bird, will identify bird after this post ;)
blogging about bird is a much better option (atleast for me) than blogging about myself...

abhi: abhi tak... pen hai kya?

IdeaSmith said...

Lol lol lol....kya script hai! This would be a smash hit at the box office! Poor Bird...

APOO said...

I think Bird is lucky to have quit his job and be internetless while we take on him!

Cant wait for a post identifying Bird. And whats this pen business?

iyer education said...

idea: it is going to be a smash hit thing in the horror category with me (or bird himself) playing bird... although i dont know who would ready for the role of vijayalakshmi...

apoo: "pen hai" is a term used by alap and abhi to denote confusion... i dont know why... but kinda liked it... so whenever you get confused... just say "pen hai?"

APOO said...

Hmmm... ok, so when Bird talks I have to keep saying "Pen Hai?"

And Iyer, I think the end needs to be modified. Its Birds life. It cant be a Happy ending (well, anyone getting married to Bird wont have a happy ending, but nevertheless)

iyer education said...

Everyday in the life of Bird is a "Happy"-Ending... dont you know bird's day ends at happy... i thought you would be the last person to say so... but anyways... the wild wild west does a lot of strange things to people... but i will keep your point in mind the next time i write something about "The Bird"

as far as pen hai, you can use it anytime, anywhere... oh by the way, welcome to the pen club... you should throw away all your pens before you start asking for some...

APOO said...

Yes!!!! How could I forget the "Happy" ending. Thats true, Birds life is Happy. Stupid me!

So now we are pen pals?

iyer education said...

pen pals?

you want rains out of your pen... lets keep polly outta this... how abt pen dudes?

IdeaSmith said...

And I suppose Bird will deliver the chittis...*kabootar ja ja ja...*

iyer education said...

idea: great idea :)...

apoo: did you receive my SMS?

let me tell everyone this... i met bird last night at happy & bird happened to read "The Piping" and had ONLY one question in his mind.... "Why Vijayalakshmi?"

anyone, any answers

APOO said...

Simple! Its two things which will balance Birds life. Since Bird is a loser, he needs a victory to balance him, hence Vijaya.
Now we keep pulling Birds ass that he doesnt save more than 10 bucks a month (after his smoking and drinking stupors), so he needs Lakshmi.
So VijayaLakshmi is the ideal balance in Birds life! (and no, for those confused, its just one woman)

And Iyer, no, I didnt get your SMS. Do u have the right number?

Idea: Bird is too lazy to deliver any chittis. The Bird is allergic to any form of physical or mental exercises.

abhi said...

Bird gets a nbew job and doesn't tell me.

Bird, ur dead for sure man ... 2 months more for me to land there and kick ur ass

APOO said...

yes yes, lets all kick Birdwas arse!

iyer education said...

i will play jim carrey from dumb and dumber... sell the dead bird to some blind kid and make some money, which will be transferred to a fund account, which will help all of us have daru ?

what say?