Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Halva!!!

Begin Of Article
Arun Iyer
, Mumbai

A HALVA has been issued by the chairman of the All India Madrasis & Malayalis Dress Code Board (AIMMDCB) on all sport stars of south Indian origin (Kerala & Tamil Nadu).

Speaking to a correspondent of Iyer Supply, Chairman of the AIMMDCB Mr. Rumpelstiltskin Iyer, stated that, “As per our traditions, all Madrasis and Malayalis are supposed to be dressed traditionally, wherever they are. Our traditional dress code for the last 14,567 years has been ‘Veshti’ & ‘Angavastram’ for men and ‘Pattu Podavai’ for women. It is a shame to see all the sport stars of today disregarding this and wearing ‘Tracks & Tees’ (by men) and all forms of (revealing) ‘Shorts & Tees’ (by women) and this is endangering our culture and we are constantly moving towards accepting ‘Western’ culture, eroding whatever is left with us…”

On further questioning about what the proposed dress code could be, the Chairman of AIMMDCB board stated “I have already stated the proposed dress code in the previous quote, but since you reporters cant understand (and need more and more things to write about) take this from me, men should be dressed in ‘Veshtis & Angavastrams’ and women should be dressed in ‘Pattu Podavais’(preferably the 9 yard pattu podavai). We even have decided a dress code for the kids where boys would be sporting ‘Otta Veshti’ and girls would be sporting ‘Pavadai’… and there is no questioning the stated dress code, the men and women have to accept this, or we are going to protest against every match that they play in and make sure that we ruin their careers…”. The chairman sounded very blunt and wanted all that he stated to appear on Iyer Supply.

When we asked the Chairman of AIMMDCB, if he had some plan of action to implement the dress code, he had this to say… “Looking at implementation, we have decided a phased implementation for the above stated HALVA. First we target the cricketers. They will be asked to wear their dress code according to their gender. We can design special robes for them, if padding (by men re baba & not women) is a problem with veshtis on. We will give utmost importance to ergonomics and convenience”.

He added... “Next we move on to football which is a craze in Kerala. Veshtis can be pulled up and wore like shorts… (like every naariyal pani wala does) and make them adept at playing football with veshtis on. Next on we take athletics and make runners (long distance and short distance), jumpers (high & long), throwers (shotput, javelin, hammer) etc to adapt the respective dress codes as per their gender. The famous jumper from kerala will definitely win an Olympic gold, if she does get into the ‘Pattu Podavai’, and that’s an assurance from us. Lastly we are aiming at swimming… and we have decided to go for special ‘water-proofveshtis and pattu podavais. This will make hand movements and paddling faster. We have left out tennis, as it is already been taken care of by some other bored… sorry… some other board. This is just the beginning… by the end of the year…we will have all the sports covered (not to mention all the sportsmen and sportswomen will be covered [pun intentionally intended] too)”

End Of Article

It seems that a common civil law isn’t finding any place here in India… and as long as it doesn’t, stupid people like the above stated chairman will always get it their way. As long as people think fundamentally with a narrow view point, things like these will continue to happen. We all have crab mentalities… just about when someone is about to make an impression, someone who is making India proud in his /her own little way, we drag them down someway or the other. That’s why they say “Indians are Great… India isn’t”…

adios...

3 comments:

winny said...

hmmm... why 'pattu' yaar these people need cotton ..


irundalum enda intha pavam panre ....

forget the guys .. the women (good lord) i sincerely pray that ur "halva" whatever that is never finds success .

one more question... why madrasi and malayali? what happened to the rest of TN ...

cheers

iyer education said...

winny: a similar sounding name to halva is making news in tennis circuits... and halva will capture the other sports... and it will find success as long as we have different laws for different religions... and pattu sarees are amazing and they look good on women... so why not sportstars... it will be fun... and madrasis is not people from madras... madrasis = people from tamil nadu... its a kinda slang down here in mumbai

for others: "irundalum enda intha pavam panre .... " is not a coded message, but simply means "why are you committing this sin" :)

winny said...

hmm when i meant pattu i was referring to silk and thought it should be cotton,,

and i dint know madrasis where TN's wow well found knowledge ....