Wednesday, August 03, 2005


After some serious posts on the deluge in Mumbai, I am back to doing what I do the best (or worst), getting inspired by other posts and then creating posts of mine… so here it goes…

Debalina in her last post depicted how the future would be when her kid and the kid next door would be trying to get one up on the basis of the kind of electronic gadgets they have. That post inspired me to this post… What would be the historically futuristic Bollywood movies be like? Doesn’t make sense… let me try and simplify it… how would the movies of the yore be, if they were to be made in the future… still confused… please mail me, and I will try and explain…

The movie taken as an example would be the all time famous “Sholay” and it would be called “Sholay.NET” in the future. Here are a few excerpts from “Sholay.NET

All the following dialogues are in Hindi, please do not expect any translations… this is meant to appease only the locally local and the globally local audiences


Thakur ++ (System Administrator)

Jai 1.0 (Power User 1)

Veeru 2.0 (Power User 2)

Basanti # (Driver Software)

Trojan.Gabbar (Malicious Spy ware Trojan)

W32.Samba (Worm 1)

W32.Kaaliya (Worm 2)

Act 1:

Thakur ++: “Trojan.Gabbar ko quarantine ya remove karne ke liye mein tum dono (Jai 1.0 and Veeru 2.0) ko 10 GB RAM each doonga... aur sarkar ka jo 20 GB ram hai wo bhi tumhara hoga”

Act 2:

Trojan.Gabbar: “50 50 kos door gaaon mein koi bachha rota hai to pata hai maa kya kehti hai… so ja bete, nahi to Trojan.Gabbar aa jaayega aur hamara MBR delete karke chala jaayega…”

Act 3:

Trojan.Gabbar: “Arey oh W32.Samba… kitne program the?”

W32.Samba: “2 sarkar (Jai 1.0 & Veeru 2.0)…”

Trojan.Gabbar: “Woh 2 Program, aur tum 3 worms… phir bhi waapas aa gaye… kya samajh kea aye… ke sardar khush hoga… tumko spyware banayega haan… dhikkar hai…”

(the act continues... and here comes the most famous scene...)

Trojan.Gabbar: “Ab tera kya hoga W32.Kaaliya?”

W32.Kaaliya:Sardar… Meine aapka code likha hai…”

Trojan.Gabbar: “To ab debug kar… ha ha ha ha”

Act 4:

Trojan.Gabbar: “Yeh Class (with constructors, functions, interfaces and variables)… hamko dede Thakur ++…”

Thakur ++: “ nahi…”

Act 5:

Veeru 2.0: “ ye jo mausi.txt hai naa... ye mera integration Basanti # ke saath nahi karwaa rahi hai... to mein chala mein apne aap ko safe mode mein reboot karne chala...”

Basanti #: “ruk jaao Veeru 2.0, mein tumhaare saath integrate hone ke liye tayyar hoon, pehle tum apna variable definition to do… aur safe mode mein reboot mat karo Veeru 2.0…”

Veeru 2.0: “, ab mein neeche aa raha hoon, safe mode reboot cancel...”

So that was the trailer of “Sholay.NET”… Live And Exclusive only on Iyer Supply

Coming soon to a Mobile / Tablet PC near you…



Debalina said...

God ! That was hillarious !!!

Gr8 post :D

iyer education said...

deb: the underlying idea (jarno)trulli belongs to u... thank you

Bird said...

Iyer, I am willing to quit my job if you agree to help me in writing a script for David Dhawan film. We can meet up in CT to work on the details. Royalty & Fees in 50:50 ratio. Kya bolta?

Anonymous said...

full dhammal iyerii ...

copyright this ... and ct tonite ... yes?
oki done .. ct tonite

IdeaSmith said...

Lol....techno-speak or not, I loved this post! Good to have you writing witty articles again.

Dan said...

Excellent Iyer :-)
A classic in a new class (pun intended)

Ravi Nambiar said...

Soch Agar aaj Gabbar zinda hota to tera kya hota Chotey, That was Hilarious man, Full T.P

TheBridge...On The Other Side said...

How about taking a little calculated risk (I do the calculations and you take the risk) and quitting your job and writing fulltime...and I am willing to give you 50% of whatever you earn.

Thou art good.

Apoorva said...

Trackback: Microsoft Recruiting Alert...

APOO said...

I dont get it, why would Iyer settle for 50% of whatever he earns??

AJ said...


Debalina said...

Hmm...after you make the movie,can I sue you for getting ideas from me and get hefty amount from you ?

Just thinking....

Madame Mahima said...

i mentioned this on apoorva's blog..but i really sprained my brain trying to read hindi written in english..
worse still i've never watched sholay.
oh boy.

garfy said...

ROTFL! God, this was funny... Kaalia and Samba as worms? :)

Are you gonna take off on ALL old movies now? Perhaps Mughal-e-azam... would like to see you try that one out! *hyuk hyuk*


xcellent- u got the funnt bones man!!!!!