Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Ekdum Hatke Movie – Music By Eminem

Everybody does a lot of unique things… some English movie maker takes up an Indian Hero or an Indian Music Director or whatever… but this time around, I have decided to make a movie… a typical Hindi Love Story… and guess what, whom I have roped in for the music… none other than the gay rapstar “Eminem”… And puhlees, our relationship is just professional… so all you women who read this… Please don’t think I am gay… I am straight and I am available…

My movie (yet to be titled) is going to be “ekdum hatke”… “all the roles are very challenging”… “all characters have shades of grey in them”… and lots of other statements that are so very “typical” of all our Bollywood interviews… but the USP of the movie is “Sir Eminem” (can I call him by that name)… and he has provided with excellent and “situational” songs… and we have already recorded them… excerpts from the movie and the songs will be given here… exclusively on blog… (You can thank me [or smack me] for that later)…

Sneak Peek On The Story

Little kid hidden in cupboard, looks at his father’s death right in front of his eyes… killed by the bad guy… takes note of the weird goggles worn by the bad guy… decides to take revenge… But for that he has to grow up.

Poor mother does sewing and feeds the little guy (with food for thought and revenge). The kid grows up to become a thief.

Meets this rich woman accidentally (in a staged car accident) and falls in love with her (all this time revenge is not at all present coz love is in the air). The heroine’s father refuses the proposal of marriage, bringing the old time fight of capitalists versus labourers.

One fine day, the hero sights the goggles of the villain which strangely seems to be in fashion even after 20 years, chases him down to his den… kills his goons and finally gets his hands on the villain and kills him too.

Simultaneously, the girl’s father realizes his folly and reaches with his daughter to the villain’s den (I don’t know how) and offers his daughter’s hand in marriage and they live happily ever after.

(There are no courts and laws existent in this world to run the trial of the hero… naah they don’t exist at all)

A Sneak Peek On The Characters From The Movie

A Poor Hero: The hero doesn’t want to take his real life Rolex watch off his hand. (Apoo: Please don’t re-align the spaces and read it as ‘Apoo r hero’)

A Rich Heroine: (Opposites attract). She HAS to get wet (either in rains or preferably a waterfall) in a white saree revealing her everything to the hero (and not to mention the crew)… (wow wow wow)

The Bad Guy: This bad guy looks like an alien landed from planet Zeoid. He just cannot be a normal person. He still thinks life is a “Fancy Dress Competition”. Poor and demented that he is.

The Heroine’s Daddy: He is also the bad guy, but he is the bad guy who becomes a good guy in the end. He is always against the hero right from the beginning and deepens the rift created between the capitalists and the labourers during the beginning of the twentieth century.

The Hero’s Mummy: Thank god the movie is not in Egypt or else this would carry an altogether different meaning. Mummy here depicts a widow who sews clothes to make a living. Generally the hero’s father i.e. the hero’s mummy’s husband is always killed by the Bad Guy (remember… the guy from planet Zeoid… already forgotten huh?)

34,281 Extras: These people are dynamic in nature and can be used as dancers or relatives or the younger version of hero / heroine and /or their families. Sometimes I feel I should be calling them “Plug & Play Actors”. They are the most versatile and can mould themselves as and when the script demands…

Now on to the music… the situations are mentioned just before the songs (all the songs are situational you see).

Situation 1: The heroine is taking bath in a waterfall at some godforsaken place (she is supposed to be rich right… but then why should she take bath in a waterfall? Good question… The answer to that would be… ‘because she is wearing a white saree’)

"I’ve Slim Saree, Yes I’ve the slimmest Saree

All you other slim sarees just aint sexy

So won’t the real Slim Saree, please get wet… please get wet…"

Situation 2:
The hero is staring at the white wet saree (and so is the entire crew :-D), the voluptuous you know what… the sexy midrib… and the hero is overcome by all sorts of emotions from love, lust etc etc…

"I’m little horny, yes I’m a little horny

All you other little hornies are just about faking

So won’t the little horny, please get it up… please get it up… (Don’t ask me what)"

Situation 3:
The hero goes to meet the heroine’s daddy… and as usual… the daddy refuses to accept the proposal… and that too in style…

"I’m bad daddy, yes I’m the bad daddy

All you other bad daddies are just irritatin

So won’t the bad daddy, please stop that (marriage)… please stop that (marriage)…"

Situation 4:
Introduction of Villian… This has been one of the most liked parts in Hindi Movies… right from “Mogambo Khush Hua” to “Dong Kabhi Wrong Nahi Hota” every villain has his share of limelight with his entry… this time around the villain will be rapping his way to glory :-)

"I’m real baddie, Yes I’m the real baddie

All you other real baddies just cannot get it

So won’t the real baddy, please get smacked… please get smacked…"

Now you guys tell me how the movie was, especially the songs… I somehow get the feeling that “Sir Eminem” just duped me… I think he just used the same music and different lyrics for all the songs… do you guys feel that too? Even if that is the case, I don’t have enough money to chase him back to USA… I have used up all my finances in making the movie… Please go and watch it… That would feed my family some bread and butter (not to mention some ham and bologna and sausage and mustard and mayonnaise)…



KJ said...




Madame Mahima said...

hehehe rumpy that was good!
an oscar winning screen play..
well done !
(ps- does apoo really go around aligning spaces to make everything seem like it's about him?
if so, then...*shakes head* tsk tsk.)

iyer education said...

kj & madame: thanks

madame: dunno much abt apoo, know him only thru his blogs... just know that he realigns his spaces in his blog and writes wonderful things... which obviously i enjoy

APOO said...

LOL! Whats with puss in boot?

And I like those realigned spaces. Mahima, things like "Apoo r hero" just happen. I dont need to go around realigning them.

Evolution said...

Eminem just got replaced as God... Arunem is here... he he...

And whats with the white saree part??? me thinks that Black is equally appealing, not to say that since u cant see through Black, the Heroine has to make that extra effort to get seen (ummmmm... well, lets not talk about what... shall we???)

he he

Love, laughter n keep the Faith (I do not crib!!!) :((


Madame Mahima said...

*Mahima rolllls eyes at Apoo (R Hero)*