Monday, August 29, 2005

Delhi Daily!!!

I had been on a tour to our Delhi office for the last couple of days, two days to be precise. Now that I am back from Delhi, I thought let me put down my thoughts on Delhi as a city and about Delhi-ites. Not that I have been to Delhi for the first time. I have been to Delhi about 3-4 times, but there was no blogging for me the last time I was there. This time around I was more, so to speak observant about things there.

I just couldn't spend too much time out in Delhi. Had too much of work to be having fun out there. A whole week's work being crunched into a couple of days gave very less time to be spent outside. But then I didn't have to go out of the way to make some quick observations, which is what this post is all about. So here they are… All delhi-ites, please keep e-stones, e-eggs and e-tomatoes to be hurled at yours truly and get ready for some fun…

Don’t ask for directions…
There is this amazing thing about the idle people and shop keepers along the roadside. They look very calm and composed… until… until you ask for directions… then they turn hostile like you are asking him “is your wife available tonight?”… And reply to you in the same tone… I have got superb responses from “must be somewhere around here… go check out yourself” to *pointing to a whole bunch of complexes* and saying its there… and I say thank you very much. All I have to say here is that, if you don’t know the address… please be upfront in saying so… I won’t write your name on the board or lodge a complaint in the nearest police station for not giving me the directions.

Most of them are Hip-Hop stars…
Most of the delhi-ites that I have met are big time Hip Hop stars… ya ya like the 50 cent types… They have all the talent to be one helluva star in that category. And what do you need to be in that category… just a simple thing… end every sentence of yours with a “YO”… and that’s it… you are a star. And so are (a majority of)these delhi-ites. For delhi-ites, a simple “udhar jaaiye”(translated – go there) is “Udhar JaiYO” and a “khaana khaaiye”(translated – eat food) is “Khaana KhaiiYO”… and so are lot of other words like AiiYO(not the madraasi ayyo) etc. so they are bound to be one of the best hip-hop stars available in the country today. I am sure I would pick one guy from delhi and make him into a hip-hop star and call him “PACHHAAS PAISE”… watch out 50 Cent…

Don’t try to argue with auto-wallahs…
Unless you speak the “YO” language and do not need directions, please do not argue with auto / taxi wallahs out there in delhi. They will kill the innocent life out of you. You cannot and I mean CANNOT try and convince them that the distance from place ‘X’ to place ‘Y’ is not as long as they think that you think it is… It is futile and a waste of time, energy and efforts. So unless you know around the place or you are ready to travel in a bus, please don’t argue with any of them. Its harmful for your health.

Lane cutting = Tea cutting
Talking about auto-wallahs, the next thing that comes to my mind is the driving etiquettes there. Lane cutting in Delhi = Chai Cutting in Mumbai. How you may ask? The answer is "They are available to anyone, anywhere and there is no dearth of it". I am sure, if someone takes a low-flying charter over delhi, the scene of vehicular movement would resemble the movement of the ‘creatures’ in the old time video game called “Galaza” or “Galactica”, which is now available on mobile phones and is called “space impact”…

Rajdhani Rocks…

Travelling by Indian Railways is never so much fun, unless you are traveling by Rajdhani. It is an experience by itself. The food, the service… everything is done well, just like in the airlines albeit, there are gawdy looking waiters instead of the “eye-soothing” stewardesses of airlines. But the service is much much much much much much much much better than a lot of other trains in India. Traveling by Rajdhani atleast once is a must. Don’t go to delhi if you don’t want. Just go there to travel by Rajdhani.

Disclaimer: The samples used for deriving the above conclusions are random and are completely disproportionate to the actual population. But then I just could not see everything in 2 days so all your e-stones, e-eggs and e-tomatoes are welcome…

adios…

11 comments:

Ravi Nambiar said...

Man,I must say that you are lucky to have come back safe in one piece, bcos thats a city where you cud be mugged in broad daylight and mind you this could also happen right in front of a police station, and then the Police expect the general public to have faith on them, most of the times in Delhi its the policeman standing there who would ogle at you.Its one city where even a rape is done in style(A moving Car Rape), BTW you had promised me to get Peta's have you got them.

deepak said...

Thats a bit extreme. Delhi is a pretty welcoming and heartwarming city :-) And so open and vast and beautiful.

Deepak said...

ROFL @ Bollywood Calling and the 'hatke movie' -too good!

APOO said...

Ravi: Didnt a policeman rape a girl in Mumbai?

abhi said...

thats a one off .. this happens daily in delhi .. sic place really with some really sick pple ...

but we can't say the same for the good pple out there ... the croonies have screwed the living crap outta delhi though ...

we're a hundred million miles away from being a delhi ... even the crooks here have a heart .. give proper directions and are far from being rap(e) artists (whichever way)

TheBridge...On The Other Side said...

You don't have to be apologetic about hurting the feelings of the larger populace. But then again, can you really blame them...calculate the per capita presence of the Netas there.

And please respond positively on the Peta request...nahi tho Pitega.

Parii said...

Oh come on, you just didn't come across the right people :-) such as yours truly :-)

Next time, make sure you do!

Ravi Nambiar said...

Apoorva - Yes the Policeman here in Mumbai too did rape a girl, but mind you that was not in a moving car and she wasn't a pregnant woman too, he happened to see this girl in some compromising position and took advantage,mind you i am not trying to defend him,This is the ulti, you no what the DNA report was not able to prove any thing because he used protection too, so you see Mumbaikar still has a heart.But yes that was a big crime committed.And Arun you still have to revert back on those Petas.

Gayathri said...

funny article. Liked the stuff about the 'Yo!' language.

I have been to Delhi just once. The best thing about going there was the Rajdhani ride just as you mentioned. and the worst thing, we lost a handbag with cash in it in broad daylight in a crowded bus. :(

IdeaSmith said...

Lol...as a sworn Delhi-hater, I agree with every word you say! Especially loved the references to the hip-hop stars. I hope you get out of that blasted place alive.

Blog World said...

A dying man needs to die, as a sleepy man needs to sleep, and there comes a time when it is wrong, as well as useless, to resist.
Stewart Alsop- Posters.