Friday, June 10, 2005

Death Signs!!!

I was browsing through a website that had lot of good words (translated criticism) on “Signs”, made by our own Manoj Night Shyamalan. One of the flaws in the movie, as quoted in that website was the fact that “If the alien had to die of water, then how could they survive on earth, that has a lot of humidity in the air”. Point taken, a major flaw that is. But now that the movie is made, released and has had mixed reviews, nothing can be done about it. Then I thought to help the filmmakers (the kind & selfless person that I am) with certain alternate ways of destroying the aliens that are a threat to our earthly beings.

So Mr. Shyamalan(or any other filmmaker indulged in making movies of aliens including the ‘K’ woman… seriously the “saas & bahu” are no less than human devouring aliens), if you are reading this, better take a printout of this post for future reference. Here goes a set of steps by which you can eradicate the trace of aliens from the face of this earth…

Let the alien travel by a Virar local, in a classic chase for the protagonist. Breathlessness will ensure the life out of the alien.

Let the alien into a fish market at Mumbai and let it have a verbal fight with the fisher-women out here. God save those aliens and let their souls rest in peace.

Let the alien have a one-on-one discussion with our beloved railway minister “Laloo Prasad Yadav”. They will never ever think about invading us.

Let the alien have a sneak-peek of one of the ‘K’ serials. I am sure it will kill itself along with its mother (saas) and wife (saas ki bahu). It’s a sure shot case of “Killing 3 Aliens with one ‘K’ ”

Let Abhijit ask “definitions” of a lot of things from the alien-world. Death will be a much better option than trying to explain definitions to Abhijit

Let the alien have a "divya darshan" of either shehnaaz or the beacon (both belonging to Baangdu) and I am sure, it would never have seen any thing more grotesque than that and it will puke till death.

Let the alien accompany Bird, to a cutting chai and discussion at Happy. Something’s definitely gonna give way and I am sure Bird will come out alive.

Let the alien enter a beauty competition against Bhappi Da. Inferiority complex (about the lack of jewellery in their world) will take its toll and the alien will die a slow death.

And the best and the most fool-proof technique…

Let the alien watch Mithun-Da’s / Rajnikant’s movies. Competition from something more unreal than themselves will drive them crazy to their death.


Let the alien listen to me singing… or worse let the alien read my blogs on an LCD monitor. Death is a surety in that case.



Dan said...

Hey this is kool Iyer. Quite imaginative :-)
Keep it going

APOO said...

"Define Death"

Abbs will be so proud of me now!

soumya said...

ur blogs r enough to drive them crazy :-)
so we just need to build big mental hospitals

anyways u havent left for home?and where is ur previous blog? deleted!

Bird said...

If we can manage to get the alien in CT & not allow him to drink while we are discussing on various topics, I think he might just allow us to conquer his planet.


Watching the Rajni movies sure would be a big shot and they cud be arrested with cardiac failure at the progress a "syylish" guy has made!