Saturday, May 21, 2005

DARJAN ATLANTIC

What happens when 4 people, 3 of whom are high on Imperial Blue (IB) and one is high on Fresh Lime Soda (FLS) get together? In most of the cases they come up with an excellent business plan that exploits the opportunities of the current business environment and tackles the threats present there (Does SWOT Analysis ring any bell here?)

Lets get to know this team of 4 constructively destructive people (in descending order of their height)

Ralph aka Abhijit (IB)
Bird aka Priyadarshan (IB)
Tyre aka Alap (IB)
Enclydus aka Arun
(FLS)

Now let us look at the current business environment:

Aviation industry in India has been opened to the private sector. This has resulted in a lot of people from foreigners to booze kings (and sons) to get into this industry. So this is one of the most lucrative businesses to be in right now.

Dance bars all across Maharashtra have closed down by the cultural cops. This has created a wide spread unrest among dance bar regulars and a wave of unemployment among the bar girls and bouncers

So what do you get when you combine the above business conditions prevailing in Maharashtra. That opportunity is called “DARJAN ATLANTIC”. A world class aviation company that believes in customer focus and customer satisfaction all the way.

Now the important question why “Darjan Atlantic”. This name has been INSPIRED from the hindi movie “Chaandni Bar” where the bar girl goes “DARJAN AAKE CHALE GAYE KAAHE KA VIRGIN” (which when translated means “Been screwed more than 12 times. How can one be a virgin then”). (And this has got nothing to do with the firang guy who came down to India and was dying to meet Aishwarya Rai)

Vision & Mission
To provide world class air travel facilities along with “ENTERTAINMENT” of the highest order.

The Plan
Darjan Atlantic is going to operate domestic flights within all the class A, B, C, D towns in India. The planes are going to be leased and are going to be the Boeing 747’s. We will have the entire lot of displaced bar girls for airhostesses and they will provide you with excellent “entertainment”. The bouncers will be given training on flying, flight pursing and throwing people out in case some body misbehaves (they don’t need to be trained on the last one, they are born with those capabilities)

On detailed analysis we have planned that we would have only two seats (popularly known as WINDOW SEATS) one each on the left and right side, instead of the normal 3 on each side. This will leave a lot of “floor space” in the flight which can be then used for “pure entertainment”.

This is the pilot project plan. The detailed cost outlay for the same will be provided on demand. Venture capitalists can consider this post as a business plan and can contact us through comments. We would then get into negotiations regarding outlay etc etc.

Darjan Atlantic has already hired one of the most capable talents from the industry for its key positions. They are:
Bird – VP Finance
Ralphie – VP Technology
Tyre – VP Marketing
Enclydus – VP Toiletries

Oh by the way! We also supply airlines for all illegal purposes like striking trees, buses, mountains, bulls, bird nests etc. High rises and Defense houses are not yet on the list but we will get them shortly :)

3 cheers for all the 4 guys :)

3 comments:

Bird said...

Iyer, we even planned about acquiring Vikraant for "entertainment" purposes. Please do write about the same too.

iyer education said...

bird, that "plan" involves a lot of legal framework about land and water rights and things on those lines. remembird is the best place for such a post :)

Debalina said...

Lolz !
What more can I say...I just can't stop laughing..."Darjan Atlantic" !!
Lolz