Gympanzees...

Well Well.. after a long exile of not writing... which in turn would have meant a jolly good time for you guys, we've thought its time for us to get to do what we do the best... torture you guys...

This post is dedicated to our gym where we work out along with a bunch of folks we would like to call panzees. Let us clarify upfront that we are naming them panzees for the sake of spoofing them like chimps and we don't want you to consider them as pansies (which in turn brings in some doubt about us).

Gympanzee Exhibit 1: This guy is the serious Gym Guy. He does some serious weights and some serious cardio tranining that gives us a complex... 7 out of 10 times this guy will be in good shape... the other 3 is reserved for people like us who do some good training even when out of shape. So this guy will work out, sweat out and eventually go out once the exercising is done. Serious business.

Gympanzee Exhibit 2: This guy is the "My Way" guy... He gives a flying fish for the instructor, the dumbells.. hell he gives a super flying fish to the entire exercise routine and you'd find him doing his own set of exercises... This guy never requires a routine card... he's all by himself... you'd find him doing stuff that you see only in.. naah you dont see such wierd stuff anywhere... Some of the "My Way" guys are wierder by which we mean that not only they do stuff their way but also they dont talk to anyone... not even themselves... which is the complete opposite of what is coming next...

Gympanzee Exhibit 3: This guy is the best friend of every woman... no he's not gay... we are talking about the talkative guy... Lets make it very very very talkative guy... The only muscle group that this guy manages to develop are the muscles on his throat... a complete six pack... this guy is trained to do interval training... 5 mins of exercise and 15 mins of hardcore talking followed by 5 mins of exercise... total toned throat muscles we say...

Gympanzee Exhibit 4: Then there is another version of the interval training that you just saw above which applies to Gympanzee Exhibit 4. This guy exercises for 5 mins followed by 15 mins of narcissism which includes looking at all body parts at all possible angles after every single exercise. We bet he'd die if he didn't see the mirror one day of his life.

Did we anywhere mention that we were working out these days? No? That's because we are very shy and introverted.. We've been working out pretty hard for the last couple of months and shedding off some good 5-6 kgs... right after "blossoming" about 10-12 kgs above our normal weight some months back...

adios...

PS: We've used the male gender to depict the gympanzees out here... there are female gympanzees too... and yes, they too show up with similar traits... most of them belong to Exhibit 3....

The Iyer & Lower aspects of Reality Shows...

There are 3 big issues that are looming large on the Indian economy and an Average Indian.

- The First being Inflation and rising prices of everything across the board.
- The Second is the falling stock markets, which are eroding savings and making the above costlier
- The Third (and the most important) is a plethora of reality shows on television channels.

There are a whole lot of people who are working on the first two and trying to reduce the effects by further increasing prices. And we (yes the benevolent WE), take the responsibility of informing you guys (yes both of you) about the third and the most important problem. So lets walk you through them.

So whats with reality shows? We have no clue about how they have come about, just like any other species and are thriving and surviving by killing other species (the intelligent humans like us). There are so many of them that we could rename each button on our remote control with a reality show name and we would need another 1300 buttons on our remote control. Oh yes.. and another bedroom to keep that remote (which as per today's real estate prices would again be unaffordable)... Back to the topic now...

Reality shows are like a bunch of rats... They multiply at a rate that you find it impossible to imagine... We think by the time we lose another couple of kilos (yes we are going public with our weight loss announcement to get some cheap publicity), we'd have about 125 more shows on various themes. Its about time somebody showed these guys a red inverted triangle to stop multiplying and pro-create more of these... And this post is the first dot on that red triangle...

Just like MNS is opposing the movement of Migrants into Mumbai, we would go ahead and aggressively oppose the movement of folks between reality shows. It get so confusing to figure out who's who and where. This movement of guys/gals between reality shows is similar to the IT industry at full steam or a bunch of young monkeys full on adrenaline. All of them make a lot of jumps...

We believe that reality shows endorses and showcases the talents of the judges rather than that of the contestants. It is never about the poor guy's / gal's performance. It has and will continue to be about the unwanted bouts of laughter (Sidhu), unasked for information (javed saab), singing songs on the chants of "Bandh karo bhai!!!" (bappi da & himesh), well orchestrated & staged fights like WWE and lots of other talents that they possess. (If ever there was a reality show on writing... we'd make the best judge given the oodles of talents we have on writing crap)...

And for the contestants... well after having promised of contracts worth crores... all they get to do is to perform on other reality shows... the price which is about crores (thus keeping up the promise). Another reason why reality shows are multiplying like rats...

Did we tell you that the latest currency of India is SMS (which costs in INR). All of this is attributed to the reality shows. We were walking down the road when we spotted a beggar and just when we were about to give him money, we read a notice board above him that read
"Pls donate in SMS Only.
Send BHEEK {Amt} to 12345
Cost of SMS 06 Rs Only.. Conditions Apply".
Looks like this guy already has a dedicated server and a revenue sharing contract against his name.

Yanyways, if you think we have only mentioned the lower aspects of reality shows, let us surprise you by telling you that there are no Iyer aspects to it.. We just had it in the title to give us some publicity... after all we are posting so rarely these days...

PS: The author is now watching 3 reality shows simultaneously to rid him of the depression caused by another 3 reality shows. Please do not mind all that is written above, which got typed in a state of shock and depression

Random Bakwaas...

You seriously think we need to call the title that it is? Isn't Random Bakwaas the flavour of this place. But just to ensure that you don't lose the faith on this blog, we keep reiterating the flavour as titles on various posts. Here goes nothing...

We just invented that the opposite of "Decibel" is "Videsi Bel(bull)". On similar lines we also invented that the opposite of "Decimal" (Sameera Reddy) is "Videsi Mal" (Jessica Alba). Too much haan?

Talking about mal's, one mal we cant stand watching on TV is Katrina Kaif... at every given instance we see her on TV, we find her dancing... and her dancing... wah wah!!! kya kehne... she'd make a great dance pair with sunny deol... (both have 2 left feet[make that 42] and they have thunderous thighs, which makes them a great pair)

Talking about television, we think in itself is a "Breaking News"... which seems to be the keyword on all news channels... we have no clue... but everything today is breaking news... yes that includes we writing this post, you reading it and you eventually thrashing it...

Reading brings us to a very lucrative business (we are pursuing it as side business and one day will eventually make it a full time career)... This business requires very little investment with sure/definite profits. All you need to do is to subscribe to about 6-7 of newspapers (subscription is getting cheaper these days)... and then at frequent intervals give the paper back to raddiwala.. and trust us... you'd make more money from the raddiwala than the money you spent on subscription (we never said you'd make lots of money to buy you a pent house). Do not try this stunt with magazines

Stunt brings us to a super-ultra-major-wonderfully-dangerous stunt that our friend is trying to attempt in a couple of weeks. Bechara is Getting Married... No chance of survival we say... Always locha only becomes in this stunt...

Locha brings us to the end of this post... because if we don't end it here, there will be lots and lots of locha and you'd track us down and kill us...

adios...
PS: If you ever managed to "read" the post, you'd see that we took a word from one para and constructed the other one... we could have done it longer, but our oath of world peace and harmony came in our way and we had to stop it...

Jodha-Akbar ++

We exclusively bring stuff that you didn't see in the movie.. some inside information on this super-fabulous (just kidding) movie... all in the form of, our export comments, which flow out of our digestive juices... err... err.. creative juices...

Export Comments (because they are of "Export" quality)

Jodha made too much out of the husband trying to touch her on the first night issue. She should have been less worried about her husband touching her. Why? Because, with the kind of jewelry she was wearing, there was hardly any skin exposed for Akbar to be able to touch-n-feel...

On the same notes, after marriage, Jodha should have been made the commander-in-chief of Akbar's army... with the specially designed and crafted tanishq armour, it would have been real difficult to target Jodha and find a spot to kill her...

Akbar's kinda cool in the movie... everything about Akbar was so perfect... even his side locks... Akbar's side locks, to us, very much resembled Hrithik Roshan from Dhoom 2 or Krrish... Didn't know Akbar's hair stylist was way ahead of his time...

And finally...

Here's one scene from the movie that was edited... was shown to us for "educational" purposes...

Time 10:00 PM
A: Time for a quickie...
J: Alright

Time 11:00 PM
A: I think I mentioned something about a quickie an hour ago...
J: Wait.. I am only done taking off the jewelery on my hair..

Time 12:00 AM
A: Are you done?
J: Yes, almost done dear... have taken off 384 chains off my neck...

Time 1:00 AM
A: Alritey J, I am leaving... dad must be waiting for me on the sets of his next movie... I am playing a superstar (probably with the same side locks)

And we say... bechaare log... what to do... life is like that wonly... it sucks "royally"...

adios...
PS: we are allergic to so much jewellery... and subsequently bappi da...

Halloween is (h)iyer...

Its Halloween time for the southies... and Halloween is here or we would rather spell it as (H)iyer (just trying to get some cheap publicity for ourselves)...

Halloween would be the day when this Iyer would say to himself... "Dont fix it if it aint broken"... Now that's confusing right? Thats our job... to confuse you guys... (yes both of you)...

It all started last week when we had this little rash on our eyelids (little as compared to how rabid we used to be some years back... ask abhi or alap) which was rather inconspicuous and barely visible to anyone... And we decided to get it treated...

Not modern medicine... but Ayurveda... Why? because we thought it would cure this stuff by the roots... and a couple of days of taking all the kashayams and arishtams and grithams... we have rashes all over our face & neck... And its swollen... like a freakin full blown pumpkin... (and thats the logic behind the title)... We had also thought about "Nutty Professor" but that title had already been taken.. and was kinda cute.. completely against our sturdy image...

Day after day it got worse... and the worst part is that we couldn't go back for a re-visit to the ayurvedic doctor, because her husband expired a couple of days later (no... we didn't do it)... and people started noticing the change in us... except they thought that we had a bad haircut, which we actually had before we started the treatment... And we say to ourselves... how is that possible? How can they only notice the haircut but not the face thats bloated by about 6 feet more than it actually was? (Hyperbole used in good proportions)

Now we have the situation under control... had like zillions of anti-allergics and steroids to bring down the Halloween pumpkin to look like a potato that it actually is... referring to our heads...

Here we are... at our home... using up our sick leaves... and waking every day with a newfound hope in our lives... to look better every morning... because it definitely cant get worse :)

PS: We have nothing against ayurveda... but it really bombed this time... and actually exploded (our face)

Iyer - Sr v/s Jr

Iyer Sr seems to be in a jolly good mood these days after retirement. We arent sure if this is the case with the Sr's in all the families. This post is another of the PJ's by Iyer Jr (yours truly) dedicated to Iyer Sr.

Sr seems to be asking for special treatment for Senior Citizens for almost everything in life. Train fares, plane fares, water resort entrance fees, movie tickets... even restaurant menus should be having special treatment (fares or otherwise) for Senior Citizens.

And this is what happened today morning...

Sr: Kesari tours and travels have this trip to malaysia, thailand singapore etc
Jr: Great... Do you want to go?
Sr: Yes we do.. but do we need passports?
Jr: Yes sure you do... what'd you think?
Sr: Ok, so do they have any special treatments for Senior Citizens in the passport office?
Jr: Sure... for you.. they'd put in higher numbers in the Age section of the passport...
Sr: (so that was a joke haan?)

Tell us this was funny... Sr refuses to believe :(

OSO - Gu(i)lty...

There is a reason why Om Shanti Om (OSO) didnt do well in Andhra Pradesh !!!

OSO was gu(i)lty of distributing pain amongst all the locals there.

How you'd ask?

What do you think SRK's antics in six pack uttering "Dard-E-Teesco" meant for those poor folks there (Teesco in telugu is "to take".. therefore Dard-e-Teesco = to take pain)

*Walks back with a thunderous applause for the terrific-scientific-supersonic research work*